Hakikatnya bahagia itu adalah ketenangan bila hati mengingati Tuhan.

Dear beloved readers.

2010-07-28T12:05:00.002+08:00

Salam.
I'm here to inform you that I have finally moved. :)
Visit me HERE.

signed,
Finding The Unfound

Cinta IPT.

2010-06-27T18:26:00.010+08:00

Cinta IPT merupakan tajuk sebuah buku motivasi karangan Maszlee Malik dan Hamidah Mat. Pada mulanya tujuan untuk ke kedai buku al- Hamra' di Vista ialah untuk mencari sebuah novel. Tapi disebabkan ketiadaan novel itulah bermula pencarian buku seterusnya yang menarik hati. Hasrat untuk membeli buku yang mengupas mengenai kristian dan Palestin dibatalkan. Entah mengapa. Mungkin sudah takdir RM13.90 akan digunakan untuk membayar buku Cinta IPT. Harga student ni. :) Sebenarnya Elcie yang membelek- belek buku ni dulu kemudian diletakkan kembali ke rak-rak. Menariknya tajuk buku ni yang membuatkan ku ingin mendapatkannya. Tapi...

Zunairah: Ana nak beli buku ni. Tapi cashier die laki.. malu ah.. (student KUIS juga)

Elcie: Ala.. beli jela.. Ana nak beli buku ni. (Tunjuk buku yang bertajuk 'Kenapa Lelaki Menipu')

Haizz. Memang nak tergelak. Memang tekadlah si Elcie ni. Agak- agaknya apa cashier tu kata dalam hati ye? Haha. Abaikan. Sebelum itu, mungkin ada yang tidak tahu apa itu IPT. IPT ialah singkatan bagi Institut Pengajian Tinggi. Malaysia menggunakan terma ini bagi higher institution. Kalau di Singapura, polytechnic, jc dan universiti termasuk dalam kategori IPT. And I'm an IPT student. Jadi buku Cinta IPT ini mengisahkan tentang berbagai ragam dan babak- babak percintaan pelajar IPT. Positif ya, negatif pon ya.

Cinta Allah dan Rasul Cinta Yang Agung. Inilah topik yang dibincangkan di bab permulaan. Dan sudah semestinya Allah dan Rasul harus menjadi cinta pertama setiap orang Islam. Bab ini juga mengisahkan mengenai seorang hamba Allah yang mengaku cintakan Allah tetapi tidak solat. Alasannya ialah kerana Allah selalu di hatinya, oleh itu mengapa perlu solat? Penulis membangkang dengan mengatakan: Kalau begitu, jika dia mencintai seseorang dan kemudiannya bernikah, dia tidak perlu melakukan apa-apa. Tidak perlu taat kepada suami dan sebagainya kerana cinta dalam hati. Bolehkah begitu? Ada juga yang tidak mahu kahwin kerana hanya cintakan Allah dan Rasul. Ketahuilah, sebuah perkahwinan membuka pintu kepada 1001 rahmat.

Seterusnya buku ini membincangkan tentang cinta yang datang tanpa diundang. Penulis mencadangkan supaya remaja- remaja yang bercinta ini dinikahkan dengan nikah gantung. Nikah gantung ialah akad yang menghalalkan hubungan lelaki dan wanita tetapi mereka tidak tinggal sebumbung. Ini adalah untuk mengelakkan dosa- dosa yang bakal dilakukan apabila mereka menjalinkan hubungan. Penulis juga menyeru ibu bapa supaya berfikiran terbuka dan tidak menganggap nikah gantung satu perkara yang kolot.

Pada pandanganku, nikah gantung adalah satu alternatif yang baik kerana menutup pintu maksiat. Tapi bagaimana penerimaan masyarakat masa kini? Kalau melihat keadaan, mereka lebih rela anak- anak remaja mereka menjalinkan hubungan sahaja daripada bernikah. Memang benar, nikah gantung bukan perkara main- main dan mungkin membuka mulut orang. Walaubagaimanapun cuba fikirkan, dosa atau mulut orang? Oleh itu, cinta pascaperkahwinanlah cinta yang abadi. Ala.. apa salahnya bercinta selepas berkahwin? Ikatan suami isteri yang tidak dicemari dengan dosa sebelum berkahwin pasti akan lebih diredhai. InsyaAllah.

Banyak lagi yang dibincangkan dalam buku ini termasuk istilah 'perigi mencari timba'. Sepatutnya pada zaman sekarang tidak perlu ada istilah ini lagi. Sebagai seorang wanita, ku juga malu untuk meminang lelaki. Tetapi kalau itu yang sebaiknya dilakukan, mengapa tidak? Hmm.. mahu atau tidak, buku ini memang harus dibaca oleh setiap remaja kerana benar- benar membuka minda.

Oleh itu, mulai daripada sekarang berdoalah supaya Allah memberikan jodoh yang soleh dan solehah. Semua orang mempunyai jodohnya yang tersendiri tidak kira pangkat, darjat atau rupa. Memang perkataan cinta itu sukar ditafsirkan tetapi cinta sebenarnya memerlukan pengorbanan. Anda cintakan seseorang? Anda perlu berkorban untuk menyimpan terus perasaan itu sehingga tiba masanya. Mahukah anda mengotori hubungan anda dengan si dia yang soleh itu? Adakah masanya sudah tiba untuk anda membina masjid? Ilmu sudah cukup? Bagaimana dengan ekonomi anda? Sukar bukan? Berdoalah.

Tetapi kalau semuanya cukup (umur, ilmu, ekonomi mantap), ditambah dengan kesediaan diri dan restu ibu bapa, mengapa tunggu lagi? Mintalah jasa baik ustaz untuk merisik si dia. :)

Ku akui.

2010-06-20T12:21:00.005+08:00

Ku akui. Semuanya bermula dengan satu pilihan dan jalan yang ku akan tempuhi selepas itu berubah. Ya, tidak seperti apa yang ku fikirkan. Bahkan semuanya akan menjadi satu cerita yang akan tertulis dalam sejarah hidupku. Menyesal? Tidak. Aku telah lama percaya akan takdir Tuhan dan ku masih berpegang kepada kepercayaanku ini sampai akhirnya... hingga ke mana jua akan ku bawa episod- episod hidupku.

Ku akui. Ku pernah mengeluh.. Bila hidup tak seperti apa yang diimpikan.. Bila ujian menimpa sekali- sekala.. Dan di saat ku mengeluh itulah ku rasakan ku adalah hamba yang tidak tahu bersyukur. Selama ni Tuhan berikan seribu satu nikmat, pernahkah ku bersyukur seribu satu kali? Bila Tuhan tarik nikmat satu persatu, keluhanku pun dilepaskan satu persatu. Aku sedar aku tidak berlaku adil.

Ku akui. Hanya diriku sahaja yang mampu mengawal perasaan yang seperti ombak di laut. Yang sudah tidak stabil lagi. Kata- kata semangat dari mana- mana pihak hanya dapat membantu pada waktu- waktu tertentu sahaja. Ku yakin Tuhan sentiasa bersamaku tapi ku masih lemah. Ku selalu lupa untuk menjadikan Tuhan sebagai tempat ku meluahkan segalanya. Tempat ku bergantung... Makhluk Tuhan yang lemah juga yang menjadi segala- galanya. Bilakah akan ku mampu berdiri dengan kaki sendiri bertemankan Rabbul 'Izzati? Tapi ku tidak pula mengharapkan sesuatu yang buruk................................

Ku akui. Semakin hari pendirianku semakin rapuh. Aku bukan diriku yang dahulu dan ku masih mencari. Tapi sebenarnya bagaimanakah diriku yang dahulu? Ku sendiri bingung.... Zunairah yang begitu... atau begini.. tapi aku tidak mahu membohongi diriku lagi.. biarku teruskan segalanya selagi apa yang ku lakukan itu tidak berlanggar dengan syara'.. katakanlah apa sahaja.. silakan beritahu satu dunia yang aku sudah berubah.. Hanya satu pintaku.. sematkan dalam ingatan bahawa aku sedang mencari diriku.. yang hilang di tengah- tengah kecelaruan.. dan ku amat berharap agar Tuhan yang akan mengembalikanku ke pangkal jalan.. tidak mahu yang lain..

Ku akui. Ku cintakan dia... dan setiap kali wajahnya muncul di mindaku, ku terus menafikannya. Zunairah, masanya belum tiba... cinta pada Tuhan pun belum cukup.. mungkin ini bukan cinta... perasaan ni tidak akan kekal.. si dia pun manusia biasa.. aku dan dia.. siapa aku di matanya.. perlukah aku percaya bahawa dia masih belum berpunya.. tak mungkin... itu hanya angan- angan seorang remaja sepertiku.. tidak.. dan setiap kali ku merindukannya ku akan berdoa kepada Tuhan agar membuatkan diriku jua dirinya merindukanMu.. supaya akhirnya cinta kepadaMu yang membawa kita bersama... maafkan aku... kerana berasa begitu teruja bila terlihat namaku bersebelahan namamu.. sila kawan- kawan.. silakan menilai kata- kataku...

Sebulan berlalu.

2010-06-07T15:19:00.006+08:00

Sebulan dah berlalu semenjak ku mengucapkan selamat tinggal kepada sahabat- sahabat di Taman Ilmu. Dan sudah semestinya rasa ingin bertemu dengan mereka yang dirindui semakin melonjak- lonjak. Bersabarlah, wahai hati. Inilah manusia, inilah aku. Di saat sahabat- sahabat sedang merindui keluarga tercinta, aku yang berada di samping keluarga mahu meninggalkan mereka untuk beberapa hari. Alasannya ialah untuk meluangkan masa dengan sahabat- sahabat. Itu hanyalah perancanganku dan Allah lebih Maha Mengetahui. Mungkin ada baiknya juga untukku pergi ke sana. Biar dapat rasa kembali hidup berdikari. Aku memang tidak ada masalah untuk itu. Tapi bila dah tinggal di rumah agak lama ni, ada rasa keberatan nak tinggalkan keluarga. Jangan pula bila masuk sem baru nanti, aku yang menangis.

Sebulan dah berlalu. Tangisan itu sudah reda tapi ku masih belum dapat hentikannya sama sekali. Zunairah kan kuat. Ye, sangat kuat, sehinggakan nak luahkan rasa rindu kepada sahabat- sahabat di sana pun memerlukan setitis dua air mata. Biarkan, memang ku tidak berhasrat untuk menghentikannya. Biarlah tangisan itu menjadi pengubat rindu dan melegakan rasa resah. Berikanku masa untuk mengimbas kembali memori indah jika dengan itu sahaja mampu membuatku gembira. Ku tidak peduli apabila ditegur ayah yang mendapatiku termenung menghadap tembok, juga adik yang siap menanyaku dengan bahasa inggeris, "what are you thinking?" Ku pasti kalian semua tahu apa yang ku fikirkan.

Sebulan berlalu dan keadaan ku semakin stabil. ALHAMDULILLAH. Tiada lagi kedengaran suara ibu menanyakan khabarku setiap pagi. Aku sudah mampu melakukan sesuatu dengan sendirinya. TERIMA KASIH, IBU. Juga ucapan terima kasih untuk semua yang mendoakan. Semakin hari ada sahaja yang mengetahui rahsia ini. Ku hanya perlukan doa kalian. Ya, aku hampir sampai ke penghujungnya dan ku harap ku akan berjaya. Aku mahu menyambut Ramadhan yang penuh barakah. Dan pastinya ia akan menjadi sungguh bermakna buatku walaupun cita- cita untuk menyambut Ramadhan terakhir dengan sahabat- sahabat tidak kesampaian. BERSYUKURLAH, WAHAI ZUNAIRAH!

Sebulan berlalu dan masih belum ada apa- apa perkembangan untuk thesisku. Berkembang di otak sahaja, tulisan tidak. Ibu pasti tertanya- tanya melihat anaknya yang satu ni. Setiap kali bangun pagi mesti dikatakan begini, "hari ini nak buat thesis." Tapi sampai sekarang 'latar belakang masalah' pun tak mula-mula lagi. Sekarang pun di sebelah ada buku rujukan, nota- nota dan artikel berkaitan fatwa. Don't be so hard on yourself, Zunairah. Walaubagaimanapun, terimakasih buat Elcie yang mencadangkan supaya selesaikan bab 2 sebelum masuk sem depan. Memang dah rancang, so thanks for the motivation ya, dear! Yelah, kalau betul- betul dapat selesaikan, dapat juga luangkan masa dengan sophomores :)

Sebulan lagi dan kakak akan masuk tahun akhir. Lagi beberapa minggu pula cuti sekolah untuk adik-adik tamat. Dan aku masih di sini. (Bila nak mula baca seratus lebih buku tu?) Sebelum ku lupa, tahniah diucapkan kepada kakak yang mendapat dekan untuk peperiksaan semester lepas. Jangan sedih- sedih sebab tak mendapat keputusan sebaik diriku ini. Hey, you're a degree student and I'm just a diploma student. Whatever it is, I'm still proud of you, okay? And yeah, happy 22nd birthday, NUR NAIMAH BTE ABDUL MALEE. Eh, you're getting older la, sis. Bila mau kahwin? :)))))))))

Secara kesimpulannya, aku bersyukur dengan apa yang ku miliki. Ramai lagi di luar sana yang harus menanggung kesusahan. Sementara itu, dimanakah harus saya dapatkan buku-buku ini?
1. al- I'tisam @ al-syatibi
2. al- Taqrir Wa al- Tahbir @ Ibn Amir al- Hajj
3. Bughyah al- Mustarsyidin @ Ba 'Alawi, Singapura
4. 'Umdat al- Tahqiq Fi al- Taqlid Wa al- Talfiq @ Muhammad Said al- Bani

Aqulu Qauli Hadzaa.

What do you say?

2010-05-25T16:17:00.008+08:00

I've got something to share with you readers. Hope it will somehow benefit and feel free to leave any comments or just email me @ nairah91@hotmail.com. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. And yeah, if you want me to share about something, you can always tell me.

NEWS #1

Have you ever been to a mosque where you can't actually pray in it OR you just have to rush doing your prayers? I did. I'm not gonna reveal the mosque's name here for confidential purposes. Why is that so? It is because the mosque is located in a private residential area. The residences actually did complain to the authority that the Muslims' vehicles block their way or they just dislike the sight of it. So, there will be a parking attendant around during praying times. Because of that, my father had to get out of the mosque and went elsewhere. "Our Iman is very weak," my father stressed out. "Getting a fine while you're praying is something you will ponder about big time. For someone with high level of Iman, getting a fine is nothing compared to the blessings of Jama'ah".

I do hope some actions will be taken and I'm just wondering whether that mosque is deserted during Jumaat prayer if that's how I see it. One more thing, hopefully a Muslim park attendant will be tolerant in this condition. It's just that you won't lose anything, will you? I'm not trying to be smart, but I'm a Law Student too, Islamic Law at that.

NEWS #2

I am very new to Facebook. This is very true. I was very reluctant to create an account in the first place because of some reasons better left unrevealed. And because of some reasons too, this account was created. And now, I feel the urge to delete it. But of course, I do feel sad about it. With Facebook, I could connect with my juniors and seniors from my former school. And to be honest, I could feel the addiction that my siblings and friends feel. But no, I'm not gonna let the addiction gets the better of me. Fortunately, as a Muslimah who is very interested in Islamic matters, I benefit more from facebook. My news feed is full of Quran verses, hadith, advices, story about Sahabahs, latest news about Palestine and even informational videos.

Why is that so, you ask? Simple. I like "Random Ayat", "Mutiara Hadits", "we want to give you information about Palestine", "Cerita Islam" and many more. You could always view my profile for more. Still, it is just a few. I'm gonna search more and you could recommend me, I will be glad. You also could be friend with any individuals who like to share gold words.

Back to the reason why I want to delete this account is because of some groups that are against Islam. For example, the "F**k Islam" group. I just hate to be in the middle of it. But come to think of it, by deleting this account, it is just similar as putting a deaf ear about it. I wish I could do something. Let me share you a similar experience about it.

Last week when I was about to like "I Love Muhammad" page, I saw a picture that had been posted recently in that page. I was so angry. How could you not angry when your Prophet had been visualized as a dog eating pork. I was about to report the picture that instance, I tell you. Again, as a weak Muslimah, I'm just worried that this sender will somehow do something. I never know. So, instead of flagging, I send a message to this guy about the picture being inappropriate. He later apologized in the reply. I replied back by asking him to remove the picture and he certainly did. I also viewed his profile and found out he also like other Muslim- related page. Still, I could not conclude his religion. Typing this also somehow make me feel angry. Alhamdulillah. May this feeling somehow defends me in the Hereafter. InsyaAllah.

Meanwhile, do read this article Dosa- Dosa & Facebook.

Announcement.

2010-05-19T21:54:00.002+08:00

Salam. I've got an announcement to make. So here it is.

FOR ANYONE who has to do some research about Islamic issues/ matter but just couldn't find your time for it. Here is your solution. I could be your RESEARCH ASSISTANT and simply do so based on what you want. I'm just doing what I love.

& FOR ANYONE who has any questions too, you can even ask me. I may not know the answer but I can guarantee that I will do some research about it and give you the satisfied answer.

For any enquiries, email me @ nairah91@hotmail.com

Help me spread the word because I'm only available temporary. Thank You.

Remember the time.....?

2010-05-17T10:33:00.003+08:00

Remember the time....

WHEN you always have to bully no one but me and strangling me..
when you without fail accompanied me accomplishing my never-ending task..
when you refused to take the Arabic test just because you haven't study a thing and sat for it just because um.. I forced you and taught you the necessary things in one hour solid.. In the end, you scored in it..
when you would go all the way just to accompany me buying a drink..

WHEN I love to call you funny names but instead of getting angry you called me one too..
when I love to complain everything to you and you just lend your listening ear..
when I used to say 'I LOVE YOU' to you shamelessly..
when I used to find you anywhere and got stuck with you..
when I felt so down and you told me " this is not the Zunairah I know."
when I scored good marks and you wanted to tell the whole world..
when I got frustrated with you leaving me searching for you, and you're already on your way back to the hostel..

WHEN we used to talk crap together..
when we used to laugh insanely reading the scribbled words on the wall..
when we sat together in lecture hall gossiping randomly about anyone entering the hall..
when we have to run in the field avoiding the rain..
when we sat together at the pavement eating ice- cream in the dark with Rabi'ah after the Arabic test that you had less confidence in it..
when we laying around wasting our time..

WHEN there were only the two of us on the 2nd floor of the library searching for a thesis topic that catches our heart when you asked me, "are you searching for your topic too, or just hanging around?"

THE TRUTH is, I just love being with you. I didn't really mind back then to go out in the night just to sit next to you. Yeah, that pathetic. You know who you are. You are just so good to me. You always make my day. It really hurts me when you also feel the same thing now. I don't mind missing you, but don't you miss me. I never know whether we will be able to spend the time together again. But I will keep those memories deep in my heart. You and I, both of us know that EVERY CLOUD HAS A SILVER LINING. You told me to be strong and like it or not, we just have to be. We are, right? I told you this and I'm gonna say it again, " I MISS YOU, GIRLFRIEND!" :)

P.S: Guess this is the last time this round I post about myself. Next round, working time! It is time to get serious with some issues that are needed to be discussed.

Bicara Zunairah.

2010-05-12T19:53:00.007+08:00

Tuhan, ku tahu Kau selalu ada dimana ku berada. Tapi entah mengapa, ku rasa ku amat jauh dariMu. Ku benci keadaan ini. Terangilah hatiku. Ciptakan rasa perlunya ku kepadaMu kerana sememangnya ku perlu kepada pertolonganMu. Sentiasa dan selamanya.

Iman, ke manakah dikau? Aku lihat sinarmu tetapi kau seakan- akan tiada. Tidak, aku tidak buta. Adakah engkau telah lemas diselubungi debu- debu maksiat. Jangan, marilah sini. Aku ketandusan cinta Rabbul 'alamiin. Aku hampir tewas dan semakin hari aku akan rebah.

Cinta, kenapa kau perlu hadir dalam hatiku? Ingin ku bertanya sekali lagi. Adakah kau Cinta? Ataupun engkau sekadar nafsu atau rasa suka yang amat selesa berkunjung di taman hatiku. Pergilah dikau, Cinta. Walaupun memang betul engkau Cinta, ku belum lagi mahu menerima mu. Ya, belum lagi. Bagaimana ingin ku menerimamu jika Iman ku belum mantap? Jika akal ku belum matang dan seluruh jiwa ragaku berada dalam keadaan runsing?

Hati, apa yang kau mahu? Jalan yang lurus atau sebaliknya? Jawablah, ini satu soalan khas untuk engkau. Zunairah tidak boleh hidup dengan hati yang berbelah bagi. Zunairah mahu sentiasa berada dalam rahmatNya. Jangan sesekali kau cuba menodainya.

Rindu, aku masih mahukanmu. Aku rindu kawan- kawan. Gila, memang aku gila. Aku akan menatap gambar- gambar mereka setiap hari. Aku akan tersenyum sendiri mengikut perkembangan mereka. Aku akan bersama mereka mengikut rutin harian mereka. Aku akan terus merindu hingga kita bersua jua.

Ketenangan, dikau yang ku cari. Kau seakan- akan hampir lenyap dari hidupku. Agak sukar untuk aku mencarimu. Mungkinkah disebabkan dosa- dosaku? Aku takut. Aku gundah. Ku merasa berada di penghujung bila dikau tiada.

Kekuatan, mengapa engkau biarkan Kelemahan bertakhta? Aku mahu berdiri atas kaki sendiri. Aku mahu lakukan apa yang selalu dilakukan. Aku mahu membantu ibu. Aku tidak hanya mahu melihat dalam keadaan lemah tidak bermaya. Kasihan ibu.

Adam, maaf jika aku tidak mengendahkanmu. Luahkanlah apa sahaja di benakmu. Aku adalah hawa yang biasa- biasa sahaja. Aku akan mengabaikanmu setelah mengenali dirimu. Kerna yang sebenarnya aku masih belum mengerti dan tidak mencari.

Feelings. What about 'em?

2010-05-10T13:52:00.003+08:00

Salam. I'm not trying to be emotional but I guess I do feel it now. Well, my friends are attending classes and I'm at home. I don't plan to waste my time resting. I know, I know. I do need a sufficient rest, but I can't afford staying at home doing nothing. No worries, I am- in fact- gonna enroll myself in a class on once a week basis. Ahh, bored. No, no, I'm not complaining. It's fated, right?

Ya Allah, senang sangat air mata ni nak mengalir. It's been days but... Just now when I told my mother that I want to attend class -since the timetable are out- tears were already brimmering. It's 4 months, okay? I don't like telling people how do I feel. I hate it. Moreover, I don't want to spoil my friends' mood. Today is their first day, they should enjoy it somehow. So I'm gonna repeat this to myself for countless times," be strong."

Just don't get it wrong. I won't talk about my feelings in the aspect of love matters or whatever you call it. I'm already busy reassuring myself that everything's gonna be fine, and I should be happy. Think again, my future is a long way ahead (InsyaAllah), I don't have to rush to make necessary plans. And yeah, I know myself better.

Never Say Goodbye.

2010-05-06T15:52:00.006+08:00

I hung a note at home that said "I'm @ KUIS now :)- Nair" a day before my departure to KUIS few days ago. Back at home I was contemplating whether I should take it off or not. So I decided to just let it be there. I am at KUIS, not literally. My heart does, with my girlfriends at least.

Wow, it really amazes me how I find it is so easy to shed tears. I cry almost everytime. In the car, in the Taxi, at the C. centre, on the bed, even in front of the mirror! This phenomena is taking its toll. I will get hold of myself in near future, Insya Allah.

It's true, Fad. Saya tak boleh salahkan takdir.

The Truth.

2010-04-30T11:59:00.004+08:00

From this moment on, I shall live with the reality that I am not gonna continue my studies. Not for this coming semester, at least. How heart- breaking I found this matter is, I still don't have any choices. Thank you for giving me hope all these while. I guess I should stop hoping that I will be in the same class with my classmates again. Oh no, I can't believe I just said that. And now, I've started to be a cry bird again. You can't expect me to just accept it, right? I will, but it may take time. Ahh, tears, please stop flowing, will ya?

I never imagined before that I will be blessed with such good souls as my classmates. Nor did I imagine I won't be graduating with them. I better think about my classmates, if I think about Fityati and Sah and the Kuisagoffians, I won't be able to continue this post. Okay, where's the tissue? Carry on, my heart had been so attached with you all, my DSPI A. I'm so proud to have you guys as classmates. I don't want any other. I couldn't help it when I have to say goodbye to you guys this Wednesday.

I'm sorry that I've been keeping about this from you guys. It's just that I am still holding on to one hope- to be together in the same class this semester. It may seems that bad, but since I'm losing on hope, I will have to reveal this sooner or later. The reason? Don't worry, I will text all of you. In fact, I will tell everyone who I think has the need to know.

COME ON, ZUNAIRAH. YOU CAN DO THIS, RIGHT?

and the tears flow again.

You tend to think when...

2010-04-27T12:31:00.005+08:00

As life's getting more challenging you tend to think that there is always a benefit behind it. You started to think who actually created all these. Thus, you came to the conclusion that to Allah you have to go back. My friend and I, we have a good communication ties. We always talk about our life stories. From random to funny and to bitter experiences. As we grow up, we pass by crucial life moments that really make us think.

We never talk about something so serious moreover to talk about Allah. Eventhough that it is something heart-aching, we only assured each other that things gonna be fine. But recently, we always consoled each other that Allah knows what's behind the difficulties, we have to leave everything to Allah and just accept what Allah has planned for us. True enough.

I am quite contented that both of us realised these things. I've started to realise about those quite long ago and it getting stronger now. The fact that this friend of mine started to think is what made me more certain, than ever. Alhamdulillah. What I really hope is that I can remember Allah not when I'm so down but when I'm in a happy state too. I'm getting to feel more restless if Allah takes even an itsy bit of happiness in my life. I don't know, maybe I'm just too worried.

Before I end, let me leave some notes here, for my girlfriends.

It may sound so common. But whenever you have fall in love with someone, that person will be taken away from your life. I miss you so much.

And yeah, MUET camp is indeed a memory, if you know what I'm talking about. :)

I've failed too. Don't be sad, dear.

♥UKHWAH NEVER TASTED ANY SWEETER♥

Wake up, Nairah! Wake up!

2010-04-20T10:34:00.005+08:00

He believes that Tahajjud is a problem solver. He also believes that Tahajjud gives health. He is my father; a positive man and it's very rare to come across a man like him. Very rare. Both my parents had been performing Tahajjud ever since. A problem that came up was the reason of the starting of this never ending Tahajjud (Amin) and the problem was never been looked upon negatively because of this sole reason= Tahajjud is the best.

No, my father doesn't stop there. The Tahajjud is not only for him and my mother. He wants his children to perform it too. But just as expected, both my younger brothers couldn't afford to wake up that early. Even a funnelling tornado couldn't pull them away from the bed. We are just weak. So, my father resorted to wake up only me. Yes, me, to join in this blessing ibadah. He has his own reason and it is much similar to why I have to perform Tahajjud despite the marvel benefits.

Everyday my father will wake me up before he performs his Tahajjud and straightly goes to the mosque. Truthfully, I always have that uneasy feeling for the first few times he woke me up. I was listless. I couldn't lift myself up. I just want to drape myself with the blanket. But I soon realised, this is no time for self- deprecation. I need to do this Tahajjud. I really do. That is the perfect time for me to supplicate to Allah. I just got to believe.

The way my father wakes me up is something you ought to know. He doesn't say my name on and on. His voice doesn't rise even an octave. He doesn't whisk me away. So what does he do? He only repeats the benefits of Tahajjud until I actually show any reactions of waking up. At the beginning, I heartily disagree of this technique as I found it rather irritating. In the end, I woke up as I know that it is the best thing that I could ever do.

Eventhough my father is the hero here, I still know that Allah is the one who wakes me up. Allah is the one who puts the innate urge on me to wake up. Thinking about myself, I'm just wondering what Allah has in store for me. I'm still doing my istikharah. I'm in a dilemma. I lack the intestinal fortitude to face a new life. I don't want to miss out on forming a firsthand memory of the entire experience. I could only say this and I don't know anything else. Nothing more.

I will be back if I dream of you, chum.

Meanwhile, I strongly suggest you guys to read the article Virtues of Tahajjud.

My all.

2010-04-10T14:58:00.002+08:00

All praise belongs to ALLAH s.w.t, the RABB,

the Cherisher, the Creator, the Sustainer

of the universe and whatever it contains.

Alhamdulillah, Assyukrulillah.

I am so excited to post this entry because I am profoundly grateful.

A miracle somehow happened in me. I've got no other things except to continue praising Allah. Thank You Allah. Thank You so much.

Yeah, you guys could join me in this praising marathon.

The bout was so unbearable. You make it happened and you make it go too.

Oh Allah IS a terrific friend and helper!

New H.O.P.E.

2010-04-02T07:39:00.008+08:00

Have you ever on the verge of giving up? No more reserved strength? Ever think that something is just too much for you? Can hold on no more? Thought it is the end and it should better be? N-O. Spelt for you, N-O. Don't be.

Life has to go on. Well, that may be among the most common statements in the world, I could say. But live it, it is just too good to be true. Why? Eventhough you had a migraine that could knock you out anytime, or flood in your house, would you ever give up? Is that a best solution? Why oh why under such circumstances you choose to give up? Why let it be so low? Who am I to say this? No one. A no no, definitely. But being an individual who can't even assure her ownself at certain times, I could say this and I want to.

Remember the last time when you feel that you are in the moon? So happy like there's no other? I did. Nothing special but the thought of it somehow give me hope to feel the same, again. Let's see, what do I have in thought? I see my friends. My Fityati and my Sah. Plus my Elcie, my Ain and my sisters. Eventually, I will see everyone; Kuisagoffians and DSPI A. Even my Sotong. Oh no, see how these nice things could actually make you shed tears. Remember, this is Allah's gift to me. Alhamdulillah. So what's yours?

So, when Allah puts a test on you, just think, eventhough it really burdens you. All this time, when Allah keeps giving you, is it comparable to your burden? So much it's countless. What more do you want? This burden, that you've been saying is actually a gift too. Without you even realise it. A gift in terms of lesson, forgiveness and the double of strength. Allah won't test you beyond your strength. Now, do you see the underlying of it. But of course, Allah knows best.

Just accept it (Redha). It is the best solution and will always be. There's no point firing your anger now and then. I know, it is not easy. Allah gave me chance to feel it. As weak as I am, I just have to stay put. Dear, dear, you just have to know that everything comes and will return back to Allah if that's all you got to understand.

He knows everything. He is the Creator. But you with your Iman.

I love Allah. I know you do.:)

Let the words talk.

2010-03-27T08:57:00.004+08:00

I've been taught by my father and a friend and I've found from other resources about something and I've been practising it so far. Supplicate to Allah that we will be constant (istiqamah) in doing it. From the morning till the night...

Before Subh

Do your tahajjud as tahajjud lightens your grave.

After Subh

1. Do your zikr (as our prophet taught): Astaghfirullah 100x

Selawat 100x

Subhanallah walhamdulillah wallahuakbar 100x

2. Read at least an ayn of the Quran.

3. Read Yaasin for a well day, for the muslimin and muslimat and for the arwahs.

4. Read al- Ma'thurat.

5. DO NOT SLEEP as it will decrease our rizq.

After Zuhr

It is optional to have a khailulah (take a nap).

After Asr

1. Do your zikr as in Subh.

2. Read at least an ayn of the Quran.

3. Read al- Ma'thurat.

4. Do not involve in any un- akhirat matters such as watching television.

During Sunset

Supplicate to Allah. Anything.

This is the time when there is greater chance for our Du'a to be accepted.

Before Sleep

1. Read Surah al- Mulk and as- Sajdah.

2. Perform your ablution.

3. Tasbih Fatimah r.a.: Subhanallah 33x

Alhamdulillah 33x

Allahuakbar 34x

4. Read the four Quls.

5. Do your zikr until you fall asleep.

DO NOT LISTEN TO MUSIC as you may die in the midst of music. You never know.

Practise everyday

1. Be in your wudhu' state everytime.

2. Read Surah ar- Rahman, al- Waqi'ah & al- Hadid.

3. Remember Allah as much as you can even when you are happy.

Allah is always there and never forgets you.

WHEN(s)

When you're missing someone say:

ألا بذكر الله تطمئن القلوب

The remind of Allah make your heart soothes.

When you know about something bad say:

إن لله وإن إليه رجعون

When you remember your mistake or do it say:

أستغفر

When you are in your worst condition say:

الله الله الله

Just say it even if your tears fell down your cheeks.

It is the best remedy.. Allah..

Everyday zikr

(CLICK PICTURE FOR A CLEARER VIEW)

ALLAH...

Yes, spread it to anyone you know.

The status of women in Islam.

2010-03-23T15:57:00.007+08:00

Dapatkan Mesej Bergambar di Sini

Before the advent of Islam, a woman was projected as having the same status as a man in the sight of God. When Islam came, an entirely new image of the position, role and function of the woman was presented to the world. It was the for the first time in the history of the human species that a woman was elevated, as the one under whose feet paradise lies. From the very beginning of the life of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), he was against abuse of women.

Regarding women Allah revealed about:

Their status, as human being in His Sight.
Marriage and Divorce.
Their status in the home.
Their independence.
Their legal status in society.
Their functions as units in society.
Their role as wife, mother, etc.
Their status in the Hereafter.

Islam has given to women what no other system can offer her, even then, she is being considered as a marketable commodity; but is respected and honored as "the hand that rocks the cradle also rules the world".

However, Islam does not want that women should have their own ways in all matters, as if they are left to do things all by themselves they may falter in their judgement.

Adapted from 'Islamic Sociology' by Maulana Dr. Waffie Mohammed.

How does it feel?

2010-03-20T21:50:00.009+08:00

This story is about a young lady.

She lives her day just like anyone else in her age. Normal life, normal flow. Something to worry about here and there. But it is normal, perfectly normal. She has a very big ambition that she is really looking forward to pursue her studies to whatever it may lead to. Rather excited, I must say. She has the desire to go very far and to discover the world around her. Most of it all, she dreams of bringing her friends to further their studies together. That could be a different environment and quite interesting, she thought.

Being a muslimah, she believes that what Allah has planned for her even before her birth will happen one day. She just doesn't know what and when. One common day could be a very miserable day. It all started when she noticed that something is out of place. This thing however led to long tough procedures that she hopes it will end real soon. Real soon to not burden anyone. Not even her parents. She resoluted to just wait for the day when everything will be revealed. However, she has told herself to be ready to except the worst of it. It is the work of Allah. He knows better.

The revelation day for her condition has finally came. She will never forget the moment when she was told that she was diagnosed with Lymphoma Cancer. Shocking than ever the cancer has move on to stage two. The scan showed that the cancer has been on the shoulder, throat and under her heart. It was quite a confusing moment. Moreover with the letter coming up to suspend her studies. This is very hard for her. Dealing with emotions has been so hard. One moment she was so spiritful. The other moment, she was very down, especially when communicating with family and friends. This shouldn't be and she doesn't want this kind of life.

As time passed by, she always try to cheer herself up. Laugh with her family or do anything that could make her feel at ease. She wasn't about to feel some kind of hardship until she undergone one of the procedures. It was very painful. It felt as if her bone are being crushed. She continues to face the reality of it. This is only some of the starting procedures. Her chemotherapy has yet to come. She has to undergone it for at least four months. The remaining treatment will be up to five years. It is a long way ahead. Her life will be no longer just to focus on studies and other ordinaries. She has to fight too. To kill the cancer cells in her.

She also has to tolerate with the side effects of the chemotheraphy in time to come. She has to be ready to face Alopecia or hair loss. She was advised to cut her hair shorter so it won't look obvious if she loses it someday. There are many other side effects to to be taken care of. The book titled 'chemotherapy' has become her personal folder and the Doa has become her friend. Above it all, she is more than enthusiastic to join the support group. She really wants to share her stories with other patients around her age and give them the support they need.

She really hopes that she could hold on to the strength that she has developed till the end. But of course, the ending was too much to be expected. However, hopes still clinging on: To get cured and, to continue studies.

Now, she really needs your Doa. That is all she needs.

Your heart.

2010-03-16T18:36:00.006+08:00

Alhamdulillah. So this is where I start. My youngest brother came home just yesterday after a 3-days programme in his school. The programme was called ASQ (Aljunied Spiritual Quotient). Reading the notification letter, I got the idea that the programme will introduce a very spiritful learning experience. I learnt about the same based programme but it was called ESQ. It was once held in my college, KUIS. I didn't join it for some reasons. But all I know is that by going through this programme, we will become somehow remorseful, be in full realisations and most of all, it will change us for the better. If you wanna know about it, click here.

So, when I asked him about the programme, he told me this, "Uwais nak jadi anak soleh". I also questioned him a little bit about the programme to reconfirm that it is just the same as ESQ. "Insaf, kan?," I asked him. "Aah, cakap pasal parents, nabi, Allah..." He also kept repeating that he want more of the programme. If you ask me, I will give a positive feedback for sure. Why, just look, in not more than 24 hours I could see a lot of changes in him. He has become so sweet to all of us in the house, no more with his foul mood.

I say a huge thanks to the pre-u 2 students for the effort. My brother adore you guys. He also named out a few individual that he really looked up upon. I won't say it here. :) But however, I know Allah is the one who really changes him. Alhamdulillah. Allah holds his heart. In fact, Allah holds all of our hearts and He could change it ma yashaa. Supplicate to Allah so that He will hold your hearts in the right path. Amiin. It's true, Allah could really changes anyone anytime.

My brother has fall in love with the song, "Open Your Eyes" by Maher Zain. I believe this song inspires him. Well, the song inspires me too. I beg you guys to watch every second of this video. Discover how the man in the video found Allah. Subhanallah.

To Syahirah Saufee, I guess both of us are blessed with Uwais that live in the spirit of Uwais al- Qarni R.A.

My dear Uwais Qarni, I really hope that you will be a pious child forever. You changed not because of this programme but you do it sincerely. Just for the sake of Allah. Just for Allah, baby.

I found an interesting article about women in the book 'Islamic Sociology' which my mother chose. Will share with you all in the next post. InsyaAllah.

A mind- opener.

2010-03-15T10:23:00.008+08:00

Islam. This is my all time favourite subject. Yeah, the word Islam itself is so wide. So, which aspect of Islamic matters that really excites me most, you ask? Islam in this modern world. I really love this topic. I just want to know more and more about the current issues of Islam. To know, understand and overcome it. So, when I came to know about any talk or seminar related to Islamic issues that will be held in the near future, I will certainly go for it. Without even thinking twice. After all, this is an issue that really should be known to all Muslims. Much certainly, I'm looking forward to these two events:

THIS,

and THIS.

(click the poster for a clearer view)

See you there! ;)

This ain't a fairy tale.

2010-03-12T10:40:00.013+08:00

I guess I'm gonna start this post with a question. Do you live in reality? Or to be exact, do you live your day facing the reality? Not exactly? I'm all out when we're talking about this reality-cum- life... and I'm saying about your life as a muslim/muslimah.

No, I'm not gonna touch on friendship, education or anything related to your so called reality life. Just give it a break, it really controls most of our life... and could I call these a part of fairy tale? Disagree? Well, just leave it to how you manage it. It's your own self, you determine it.

Talking about the reality, it's just like a burden. You should feel it too. Why, this is how your life should be. So let's start. When you wake up in the morning, do you question yourself, "how long this gonna go on?" or something along the line? All the challenges, what about it? The question IS what are you leading your life to? As a muslim/muslimah the answer will be as simple as= the hereafter.

Just realise that the moment you open your eyes to a new bright sunny day, something is decreasing. Definitely decreasing. Your day count. Are you in the middle of getting ready to face your last breath? You shouldn't be. You should be ready all this long. Let me ask, when is your deathdate? Rather ridiculous? So THIS is the reality that I'm talking about. Not asking in order to plan a perfect deathday farewell, but to remind you to mark it in your everyday calendar that we are in the middle of the journey.

Now, now. Don't go dead mind thinking what you're gonna do. Just go on with your responsibilities. BUT, BUT, add something to your life as a part of getting ready to face your Creator. Make it easy, innamal 'amaalu binniyyaat. With good intention, you won't go stray.

SO, let's have a fresh start. Reduce something that is oh- so- not- important. You want some entertainment? Now, I believe that you know how to plan your day. Never make each day a waste. Cos' the value of each day= one chance. You won't get a chance again. I repeat, again.

However, I am wondering whether I would be given a chance to continue this journey. After all, it's really a last chance.

Holding on, the days drag on

I should have known

This ain't a fairy tale

I was a dreamer before you

One sacrifice.

2010-02-22T08:35:00.004+08:00

Couldn't stop draining. Couldn't stop thinking.
Head's burning. Heart's aching.
Know where to turn to. Thank You Allah.
I see the light. I hope it's not a dream.

Going on a journey that never thought before.
The reality is just so real.
Good luck, Zunairah.
I miss you. Can't wait.

Test Or Punishment?

2010-02-12T20:38:00.005+08:00

Test or Punishment? This really made me think. I accept both. As a test as well as a punishment. I'm no other than a slave. A test to test our Iman and so as to increase it. While the punishment is rely to what we had done. Some kind of muhasabah or to mirror yourself on your mistakes.

I've been taught all this long to not point fingers at anyone or any situations. It is just yourself, Zunairah. You must have done some mistakes. Oh well I did and I'm trying to get the best out of me. I don't want to hide... I want to continue repenting.... If that's all I could ever do. The test, it really tests your patience. Well, that's why it is call 'test'. I could lie if I say I overcome the whole thing very well, there is always a slight of anger beneath it. Astaghfirullah.

The Punishment? It's been there, always be. I could never run and I don't want to. I just hope all this punishment in this world will lessen the punishment in the hereafter. Not more than that. But as always, this punishment will bring to the realisation that something must be out of place.. or we do not do our prayers well.... or we left out the sunnah of our prophet. It's just us. To change ourself for the better. After all, we just have to remember that after trying then we can leave it to Allah. We couldn't leave it to Allah without even trying. I say, work it out first then tawakkal. Just believe, Allah promises the best.*promising smile*

Lastly, a huge gratitude to all for the care and concern. Most of all, my mother who had been with me while undergone all the procedures. I guess this is just the first phase and I really hope this will end somehow soon. Very soon.

P.S: My life is like a rollercoaster. Know me well? But I'm stronger now. Alhamdulillah.

Caps on!

2010-01-29T10:06:00.004+08:00

Problems. They are actually gifts from Allah. We human just don't realise it. These problems are one the factors that make us grow up and think far. For interval, I just couldn't believe how much I've gone through. It may not be necessarily problems but also intelectual challenge, as a scholar. True. We shouldn't stop thinking but we just couldn't stop; there are always something we have to think about.... Just realise that you tend to think about something more than you think about the existence of Allah.

This world, just as I see it is heading to devastation. Why? Islam is no longer the limelight. A research is not necessary to prove it. Just look into yourself, (Remember, I am reminding myself too) what do you love most? To hang in the music or to do the zikr repeatedly? To continue making more friends or to continue your search in finding Allah? I was very dumbfounded with my findings.

We Muslims are actually the slave of the Kuffar. They are arranging their strategies to outwin us, the muslims. The stars, especially the singers had become our idols. Where does Islam actually lies? A weak muslimah as I am. In what most appropriate way should I tell muslims in the whole world? Our death is getting nearer and so the Qiyamah.

It is too late? Should we give up now? No. It is getting harder now. People tend to look at who is saying and not at what they say. At these circumstances, nothing gonna change. Even your friend thinks that you are so hard up. What are you guys trying to say? Just be a normal human being and just follow the flow? Most of the teenagers will just be muslims by name before you even realised it.

So people, we just lose in this situation. How could we ever do justice to Islam. All these will be put a side when we have a bomb in our head. A feeling to be considered... a sentimental to be valued and a goal to achieve. What is actually our goal living in this pre- hereafter? Hah hah.. You screwed it up. So what should you do? Like this.. Take five or even ten.. as you wish. Think about your fellow muslims. How is their religious condition?.............................................................

Are you done with the thinking? Headache? Just cry if you want to. Let it all out. When will this end? It won't. This is the sign, people. This is the prove of akhir zaman.

The all new.

2010-01-02T20:16:00.009+08:00

BY ZUNAIRAH MALEE
STUDENT AT SELANGOR INTER. ISLAMIC UNI. COLLEGE
TAKING DIPLOMA IN ISLAMIC LAW & JURISPRUDENCES YEAR 2

Salam. Firstly, I don't know whether I should or not greet all of you readers a happy new year. Either way, it is not too late to wish a happy Muharram. If you haven't resolute on something, I don't think it is wrong to resolute for the new year. How about a fresh new start over again? Just think.

Looking back, 2009 have been a year full of ups and downs. It started with hardships and ended just the same. It is just how my life should ever be. I learnt a lot through all these and now realised the tears were'nt all for nothing. From the itsy bitsy things to the biggest ever misery, it tasted everything. Sweet, bitter, cold, nerve-wrecking... Well, let it just be me to go through.

This life has never been so vain, never be. Allah is always there. What else do I want during a year where most of it were spent doing what a student should do. Hmm, am I right? Partially. I just learnt that this journey isn't easy as what I saw the past years. Acting double as in the real meaning is quite hard to balance. I must have been overlooked it. But it just happened, what should I do? Find the time warp? Dream on.

For some things, I just take it as it is starting with a very heavy heart, realising that it is part of the test Allah put on us. But I just couldn't stop questioning. Where did all of this started? Couldn't find the reason, couldn't find the solutions. Just don't let it worsen and double. If there is something to change it, please let it be at ease.

Something that occurred couldn't last long. That is what I've been told. Pointing finger at the situation just couldn't help. Iniatives should be taken and something just have to be maintained. Not to forget to apply what I learnt. Just think, in a few years you may be what you shouldn't be. Life is full of rainbows, it just doesn't srike blue or pink everyday, just like how I want it. But behind all those, something is helping not to make you suffer badly.

People's eyes of view and anything related to a creation called human have to be taken into account almost around the clock... Except when you close your eyes dreaming about chocolate coated strawberries. You don't live in your own world as much as I do. Running away to blanket yourself? But where? But to face it, you just have to be slapped hard on the face. Get heal and the phenomena repeats yet again as the day and night goes by.

What Islam has put a line on it means we couldn't get close the barrier moreover to step on it. This is what the world witnessed. Islam have been put behind our backs when it supposed to be in the heart. Enjoyment.. Happiness.. These make the world go round. You're getting older? In the chaos of the love life? Dilemma with you being an adult? What about the responsibilities? Search me. You know the answer pretty well. Whatever you do, contemplate. Don't let the result or even the side effect leaves something that could be the start of something evil.

To prevent from something undecent needs a lot of strength. Start with a lot of courage and don't know how it ends or even gets out of control. Back to square, everything needs a lot of courage. A courage to get up, to get back where you start, to untie the knot, to run a miles catching your goals.... to just be what you were. There will always be something out of place, but hey, isn't that what you call 'cycle'?

So much of black memories wasn't a killer. The beautiful life of gloomy purple flowers is always there, too. It is at the end of your eyes, see? You feel it most of the time. But of course, the slit on your hand could be feel even deeper. Just enough to produce drops of tears. Your brain is aching because of it. Come on, dear. Let's take the merry go round. Maybe, just maybe, the roller coaster is too much for you. For you, a sunset in the west. And for you, my love.

And so... Hello 2010.. I see you you there.. You are our battlefield. And with the seasons cycle, I bid you goodbye. I apologize, haven't set nothing this time round. You could be the most bitter, but you could be the sweetest. Maybe yes, maybe not. Maybe you will see a phenomena or even a superstar. A one step further in life? That I leave it to the One and Only. Uh yes, a transformation could be a phenomena and a superstar could be born.

Forgive me.

Mendung di Jiwa: Episod 4

2009-12-13T11:35:00.003+08:00

Jam baru menunjukkan jam 7.10 pagi tetapi Zulfa telah pun berada di dalam kelasnya, menunggu loceng. Lydia belum sampai lagi. Zulfa yang sedang mengamati keadaan kelasnya tiba- tiba dikejutkan dengan bunyi beg sekolah yang dicampak ke atas meja.

“Budak kurang ajar. Menyampah aku,” kedengaran Natasha berbual sendirian.

Zulfa hanya duduk diam. Dia tidak mahu mencampuri urusan orang. Silap haribulan, dia dimarahi Natasha. Natasha pula sedang duduk menyandar. Mukanya merah. Beberapa saat kemudian, Shazwani yang juga diantara 3 rakan baik Natasha masuk ke dalam kelas. Dia terus ke arah mejanya.

“Eh Wani, tunggu jap,” Natasha bangun dan pergi kearah Shazwani. “Aku tak puas hati ah, apa kau beritahu Haikal, hah?”

Shazwani mengerutkan dahinya,” kau kenapa, Tasha? Dah lebih tiga hari kau tak berbual dengan aku, sekarang kau terus marah?”

“KAU yang menyebabkan aku marah. Aku dah tak boleh sabar lagi. Aku kan tanya kau tadi, apa kau beritahu Haikal? Jawab! Sejahat- jahat aku pon, aku tak pernah nak bersikap biadap dengan orang tua aku la.”

“Tasha…” Shazwani cuba menenangkan Natasha.

“APE?” Natasha sudah mula berlaku agresif. Dia mencampak buku dan juga talifon bimbit Shazwani ke atas lantai.

Pada saat itu, Zulfa sudah berdiri. Bersedia untuk apa- apa yang tidak diingini. Shazwani sudah menunduk ke bawah untuk mengambil talifon bimbitnya.

“Bagi aku talifon kau,” Natasha melihat Shazwani dengan pandangan sinis.

Shazwani melangkah setapak ke belakang, menggelengkan kepalanya. Mukanya pucat. Dia hilang akal. “Apa maksud Tasha,” dia tertanya- tanya. Tetapi sebaik sahaja Natasha melangkah satu langkah ke hadapan, Shazwani telah meluru keluar dari kelas. Natasha terus mengejar Shazwani. Zulfa pula terus mengekori mereka.

“WANI! Kau berhenti sekarang. WANI!” Natasha berlari- lari sambil menjerit nama Shazwani.

“Natasha! Shazwani!,” Zulfa tidak berdaya mengejar mereka, dia terus berhenti. Dia tidak mahu memaksa dirinya. Tambahan, dia tidak sempat bersahur pagi tadi. Tanpa Zulfa sendiri menyedari, airmatanya berguguran. Dia bersandar di koridor sebuah kelas. “Ya Allah.”

“Zulfa! Zulfa! Kenapa ni?” hati Lydia bagai tersiat- siat. Zulfa seorang yang tabah. Airmatanya sangat berharga. Lydia terus memimpin tangan Zulfa. Sebelah tangannya di atas bahu Zulfa.

Pagi itu, Ustazah Maznah mengajar di kelas Zulfa.

“Saya tak tahu apa sebenarnya yang berlaku tapi saya harap perkara sebegini tidak akan berulang. Di sekolah ni ada pelajar lelaki, jadi saya harap semua dapat menjaga tatatertib,” Ustazah Maznah memberi amaran dengan nada serius. Beliau memandang Zulfa sekilas. Wajah Zulfa masih ada kesan tangisan. Dia hanya tunduk ke bawah. Manakala keadaan kelas itu agak bising dengan suara sebilangan pelajar yang tidak tahu menahu tentang kejadian pagi tadi.

“Natasha dan Shazwani dah dihadapkan ke mudir,” Ustazah Maznah menyambung. “Baiklah, keluarkan buku teks antunna.” Semua pelajar hanya menurut.

Ustaz Farid yang sepatutnya mengajar selepas hissah Ustazah Maznah tidak hadir pada pagi itu. Kesempatan ini digunakan oleh Lydia untuk mendapatkan penjelasan tentang tragedi pagi tadi daripada kawan baiknya. Mereka berbual di bahagian belakang bilik darjah.

“…. Itulah sebenarnya apa yang terjadi..” Zulfa mengakhiri ceritanya.

Otak Lydia sedang menghadam segala apa yang didengarinya. Dia amat terkejut dengan tindakan Natasha yang agak kasar. “Sebenarnya ana bukan nak tahu sangat tentang apa yang berlaku, Zulfa,” Lydia berkata dengan perlahan. “Tapi ana nak tahu, apa yang buat anti menangis tadi. Hati ana kuat mengatakan anti menangis bukan kerana kejadian ni. Anti tak lemah macam tu. Kenapa, Zulfa?” Lydia berasa sedih tiba- tiba.

Zulfa menyandarkan kepalanya dan melepaskan satu keluhan yang berat. “Astaghfirullah.” Mata Zulfa sudah mula berair. “Lydia, percayalah. Ana akan beritahu anti bila tiba masa yang sesuai.” Zulfa mengenggam tangan Lydia. Lydia hanya mengangguk.

Satu hari selepas tamat waktu persekolahan, Zulfa berkunjung ke rumah Lydia. Mereka ingin mengulangkaji mata pelajaran bersama.

“Duduklah, Zulfa. Mak ana tak ada, bekerja.. Tapi Abang Luqman ada.. Abang Lutfi tak ada.. Mereka berdua tu.. Walaupun kembar, tak selalu sama- sama,” Lydia menerangkan. Zulfa hanya mengangguk. Dia tertarik dengan potret perseorangan ahli keluarga itu yang digantung sebelah menyebelah. Dia tersenyum melihat potret Lydia semasa kanak- kanak. “Comel,” desis hatinya.

Zulfa terus bangun untuk membaca nama yang bertulisan khat di bahagian bawah setiap gambar. Lathifah Nuraniyah Binti Malik. Halim Bin Burhan. Zulfa mengangguk- angguk, baru sekarang dia tahu nama penuh ibubapa Lydia. Zulfa menoleh apabila dia terdengar bunyi tapak kaki. Zulfa terus menunduk sehingga pemuda itu naik ke bahagian atas ruang tamu itu.

“Hah, tulah abang Luqman,” Lydia datang sambil menatang dulang. Zulfa hanya tersenyum. Disebabkan ingin menundukkan pandangan, Zulfa tidak dapat melihat Luqman dengan jelas. Dia hanya yakin Luqman bercermin mata sama seperti adiknya, Lydia.

“Hmm, Zulfa. Ahad ni keluarga ana akan mengadakan majlis sambutan hari lahir kedua- dua abang ana tu. Jemputlah datang,” Lydia mengajak.

Zulfa tersenyum. “Anti tahu kan, ana tak suka majlis begini. Ada ikhtilad…”

Lydia menyampuk, “Ana tahu. Ana cuma ajak saja. Kalau anti datang, ana tak rasa bosan sangat.”

“Anti boleh bergaul dengan kawan- kawan abang anti yang perempuan. Dalam majlis begini, batas- batas pergaulan antara lelaki dan perempuan agak mustahil nak dijaga. Ketawa… Berbual- bual kosong.. Muzik… Hiburan.. Lupakan Allah.. Satu majlis yang sia- sia. Yang jauh dari ajaran Al- Quran dan al- Sunnah. Maafkan ana, Lydia. Ana bukan nak menghina majlis sebegini… Ini hakikatnya dan ini pegangan ana.”

“Ana dah beritahu abang ana tentang perkara ni. Abang Luqman tak ada masalah kalau nak batalkan majlis ni. Tapi abang Lutfi.. Isy.. Dia tu keras kepala. Lagipun bapa ana dah kasi green light,” Lydia memuncungkan bibirnya.

“Takpela.. Ana faham,” Zulfa tidak mahu mencampur urusan keluarga Lydia. Tetapi dia bertekad untuk mengeluarkan keluarga Lydia dari kehidupan sekular.

Setibanya di rumah, Zulfa mendapati adiknya sedang membaca al- Quran. Dia terus duduk di sebelah adiknya. Mengumpul pahala walaupun hanya dengan mendengar bacaan al- Quran. Selepas itu, Zulfa membaca Ma’thurat bersama adiknya. Ma’thurat ialah himpunan doa yang dibaca oleh Rasulullah pada waktu pagi dan petang.

Malam itu, Zulfa hanya berehat sahaja memandangkan tiada kerja sekolah yang harus diselesaikan. Zulfa memang tidak suka menangguhkan kerja ke keesokan hari. Dengan berbuat begitu, dia akan dapat melaksanakan sesuatu dengan tenang. Kelam kabut itu amalan syaitan. Zulfa juga mengamalkan istiqamah dalam setiap perkara. Lebih- lebih lagi dalam beribadah. Dia akan berasa sangat menyesal jika amalannya pada satu hari berkurangan dari hari semalamnya.

Bapa Zulfa pernah menceritakan kepadanya tentang Ahli Kubur yang ingin kembali ke dunia setelah melihat betapa besarnya pahala sesuatu amalan walaupun dengan hanya menyebut nama Allah. Setiap manusia pasti akan menyesal dan ingin kembali ke dunia walaupun hanya sesaat cuma. Zulfa sedar bahawa di antara detik- detik nafasnya, pasti kebanyakannya kosong dari mengingati Tuhan. Oleh itu dia tidak mahu mengurangkan amalannya. Walaupun tidak bertambah, tetapi biarlah istiqamah.

Firman Allah dalam Surah as- Sajdah ayat 12: Dan (alangkah ngerinya), jika sekiranya kamu melihat orang- orang yang berdosa itu menundukkan kepalanya di hadapan Tuhan- Nya, (mereka berkata), “Ya Tuhan kami, kami telah melihat dan mendengar, maka kembalikanlah kami (ke dunia), nescaya kami akan mengerjakan kebaikan. Sungguh, kami adalah orang- orang yang yakin.”

Zulfa mengambil sehelai kertas. Dia seperti ingin meluahkan sesuatu.

Sendirian
Aku bersendiri
Tiada siapa di sisi
Pergilah
Aku mampu bersendiri

Hati ini terluka
Terasa sungguh lemah
Aku harus bersabar
Menerima ujian Tuhan
Iman harus diduga

Aku bingung
Mencari kesalahanku
Tidak perlu menuding jari
Kelemahan diri ini
Harus diperbaiki

Sabar
Dimanakah dikau
Aku ketandusan
Nafsu hampir mengalahkan
Hadirlah segera

Pergilah benci
Kau hancurkan diri ini
Kau hiris hati ini
Tuhan bantulah hamba ini
Kuatkan iman ini

Zulfa meletakkan pensilnya. Dia mengulang- ulang karangannya. Dia tersenyum puas. “Alhamdulillah, dah siap.” Zulfa memegang pensilnya kembali dan menulis di bahagian atas kertas itu,

MEMPERSEMBAHKAN
sajak yang dihasilkan buat pertama kali
oleh
Zulfa Hurul’iin Binti Subhi Soleh

DILEMMA SEORANG SAHABAT

Zulfa ingin menghadiahkan nukilannya itu kepada penulis blog yang pernah mengisahkan tentang sahabatnya yang telah berubah. Dia amat meminati hasil tulisan penulis itu yang menggelarkan dirinya Afifah Thahirah. Satu gelaran bagi Saidatina Khadijah. Zulfa terus bangun dari katil apabila namanya dipanggil diiringi bunyi ketukan pintu.

“Kak, satu soalan?” Fahmi ketawa. Ternyata Fahmi sedang bergurau dengan neneknya. “Kak sayang atau cinta nenek?” Zulfa membuat muka pelik.

Sebelum Zulfa sempat menjawab, “Sayanglah, Fahmi. Cinta tu lain. Tengok si Fahmi ni, Zulfa. Dia tulis dalam karangannya, “saya cinta nenek,” nenek Zulfa menyambung. Zulfa hanya ketawa dan mengusap kepala adiknya.

“Kalau gitu, sayanglah,” Zulfa berkata dengan adiknya. “Hmm.. entahlah.. cinta tu macamana ye?” Hatinya berbisik.

Part of me, forever.

2009-11-26T19:47:00.003+08:00

Was getting into the lift when I met with him with a big mug on his hand.

ME: Nak pegi mane?
HIM: Jumpe kawan.

I don't know but it really hurts me seeing him going down everyday meeting his friend. Moreover with something in his hand, to share it with his usual suspect. Not more than 5 minutes, I went down searching for him. I always believe he was somewhere at the void deck. The thing is, where exactly? Rounding off the few blocks, keep scolding myself. How could I not know. Well, just forget it. I will just go to the shops nearby.

I'm not satisfied, I must find him, I told myself. How could I not know. A void deck, no. Another void deck, no. I might as well go back. At that moment, I kind of heard his voice. He was talking excitedly. So, I make a detour. I prefer to come from the back instead of the front. There he was, with his friend on the stairs.

A boy with a fair complexion noticed my appearance. I recognised his face from the picture. He is cuter in reality, to be honest. He looked at me, puzzled. I believe he might be thinking, who is she. Standing at one corner, I started a conversation.

ME: Hmm, Firaz kan?
Firaz kept looking at me. While HE just looked infront. Avoiding our eye- contact, maybe.

ME: Nak ape-ape tak? Nak pegi kedai ni.
Firaz smiled and showed the mug HE brought downstairs.
FIRAZ: Ade ni.

Surprisingly I get a respond from HIM.
HIM: Beli bubble tea ah.

It doesn't really matter what I should get for HIM. I just want him to realise that there are somebody who really love HIM. HE is a part of me, I won't ever neglect HIM. HE is my responsibility. No matter how unbelievable HE could be, I won't wash my hands of HIM. HE is the gift from Allah to me.

A gift for me to appreciate.
A gift for me to mirror myself.
A gift for me to be strong.
A gift for me to make me ready.
A gift for me to just accept it, AS A RAINBOW IN MY LIFE.

Now tell me, what do you hope for in your life?

Mendung di Jiwa: Episod 3

2009-11-15T13:55:00.003+08:00

“Assalamu’alaikum!” kedengaran suara tetamu yang hadir. Pada waktu itu, Zulfa dan adiknya sedang menyelesaikan kerja sekolah.

“Wa’alaikumsalam,” Zulfa terus bergegas ke arah pintu. “Eh, Cik Zuhri, Cik Sal.. Masuklah..” Pakcik Zuhri ialah adik kepada ayah Zulfa. “Hai Atiqah.. Amirah..” Zulfa menghulurkan tangan kepada sepupunya. Atiqah berada di darjah 2 manakala Amirah di tadika 2.

“’Aisyah!” Zulfa terus mendapatkan sepupunya yang baru berumur dua tahun itu dari pangkuan ibunya. Dia amat menyayangi Aisyah. Bahkan dia yang bersungguh- sungguh ingin memberikan nama ‘Aisyah kepada sepupunya itu setelah membaca tentang keanggunan Saidatina ‘Aisyah. Melihat kesungguhan Zulfa, makciknya, Salmiah terus bersetuju walaupun beliau ada pilihan lain.

Dengan mendukung ‘Aisyah, Zulfa terus ke satu sudut. Biarlah ayahnya yang melayan pakcik dan makciknya. Dia tidak mahu mencampur urusan orang tua. Atiqah dan Amirah juga mengikut Zulfa, mereka suka berbual dengannya. Setelah meletak ‘Aisyah di pangkuannya, Zulfa mula berbual- bual dengan sepupunya.

“Atiqah dah darjah 2, kan? Dah pandai solat?”

Atiqah menggeleng.
“Tak lagi, ye?” Zulfa meminta kepastian. “Hmm.. bagaimana ye?” dia berkata- kata dalam hati.

“Kak Zulfa, semalam ayah Iqah belikan tudung. Ayah minta Iqah pakai. Tapi kenapa kena pakai? Kawan Iqah tak pakai di sekolah pun?”

Fahmi yang sedang duduk tidak jauh dari situ terasa ingin menjawab soalan itu.

“Iqah, abang Fahmi nak tanya Iqah sesuatu, boleh?” Fahmi memulakan. Zulfa yang sedang mengusap- usap kepala ‘Aisyah menoleh ke Fahmi dengan membuat mimik muka. “Apa yang Fahmi nak tanya Atiqah?,” dia tertanya- tanya.

“Tanyalah,” Atiqah menjawab.
“Rambut Iqah cantik, tak?” Fahmi bertanya. “Huh?” hati Zulfa terdetik.

Atiqah memegang rambutnya dengan muka pelik. “Eh, cantiklah.” Dia sendiri tidak faham akan maksud Fahmi.

“Kalau ada orang kata tak cantik, marah tak?” Fahmi terus menanya. Atiqah membuat muka masam. “Jadi kalau Iqah tak nak orang kata gitu, Iqah pakai tudung . Orang lain fikir lain. Tapi kalau di sekolah memang tak dibenarkan, nak buat macam mana?”

“Jadi Iqah kena pakai tudung bila keluar mana- mana kecuali ke sekolah. Begitu, abang Fahmi?”

“Ye,” Fahmi terus melihat kakaknya.

Zulfa terus tersenyum sambil menggeleng kepalanya. “Haha,” hatinya tercuit.
Semasa makan malam bersama keluarga Pakcik Zuhri, Zulfa sengaja duduk bersebelahan pakciknya.

“Cik Zuhri, Atiqah belum pandai solat lagi, ye?”

“Belum, Cik sedang fikir juga pasal ni,” Cik Zuhri menjelaskan. “Kalau Cik Zuhri minta Zulfa ajar, rasanya boleh tak?”

Mata Zulfa terbeliak. “Ya Allah, ku sungguh berbesar hati untuk melakukan itu,” hatinya berbisik.

“InsyaAllah, boleh cik. Tiada masalah.”

“Alhamdulillah. Nanti Cik hantar Iqah ke sini setiap Jumaat. Eh, dengan Mira sekali lah.”

Zulfa tersenyum.

“Bayarannya nanti menyusul, boleh Zulfa?” Cik Zuhri memandangnya.

“Tak perlulah, Cik. Anggap itu saham akhirat saya.”

Pakciknya mengangguk tetapi dia bertekad untuk memberi sedikit wang untuknya berbelanja. Dia tahu Zulfa ikhlas.

Sebaik sahaja keluarga Pakcik Zuhri pulang. Zulfa terus mendapatkan adiknya.

“Fahmi, bagus idea Fahmi tadi. Tahniah, dik. Hidayah Allah datang menerusi Fahmi.”

“Alah kak. Kalau Fahmi cakap pasal aurat mesti Iqah tak faham. Lagipun Fahmi memang dah rimas tengok ramai orang tak bertudung kat luar tu.”

“Fahmi tak boleh cakap gitu, dik. Ada beberapa sebab seseorang itu tak menutup aurat. Pertama, mungkin hidayah Allah belum sampai. Mungkin seseorang itu sudah tahu akan wajibnya menutup aurat tetapi dia masih belum kuat lagi. Ada juga yang kurang ilmu agama. Tapi bagi seseorang yang mendalami ilmu agama ataupun sudah tahu sedikit sebanyak tentang aurat, memang berdosa jika dia sengaja melanggar hukum Allah.”

“Ada juga yang menutup aurat sewaktu pegi ke sekolah tetapi tidak melakukan demikian di waktu yang lain. Mungkin juga kerana latar belakang keluarga atau pengaruh kawan. Tapi kalau dia tak menutup aurat kerana ingin menunjukkan kecantikannya, itu boleh termasuk dalam kategori riya’, besar dosanya. Walaubagaimanapun kita tidak boleh buruk sangka. Tugas kita hanya menegur, yang lain terserah pada Allah. Allah yang menentukan balasannya,” Zulfa menjelaskan.

Fahmi mengangguk faham.

Pada Sabtu pagi, sebaik sahaja selesai menolong neneknya membuat kerja rumah, Zulfa terus mendail nombor Lydia.

“Assalamu’alaikum, boleh saya bercakap dengan Lydia?” Zulfa bertanya dengan sopan.

“Wa’alaikumsalam. Boleh. Sebentar ye?” Ibu Lydia yang menjawab panggilan itu. “Adik… adik.. kawan dik nak cakap ni.”

Lydia mengangkat gagang talifon. “Hello.. Assalamu’alaikum..”

“Wa’alaikumsalam, ni Zulfa la.”

“Ooo.. Zulfa.. hmm..”

“Lydia, ana nak minta maaf pasal tak berbual dengan anti semalam,” Zulfa terus memotong.

“Ana sedang marah sebenarnya waktu itu. Lydia, ana bukan nak kawal anti. Ana bukan sesiapa. Tapi ana cuma kesal. Anti beritahu ana anti kenal dia melalui chatting tapi tiba- tiba anti dah mula mesej dia.”

“Ana minta maaf juga. Ana tahu anti tak suka kalau ana..”
“
Kalau anti dah mula rapat dengan mana- mana lelaki. Mesej boleh dilakukan pada bila- bila masa. Anti telah membuka laluan yang mudah untuk lelaki mendekati anti.”

“Ana minta maaf, Zulfa…”

“Anti tak buat salah dengan ana. Ana nak kita sama- sama jaga pergaulan kita. Itu saja.”

“Jadi macamana kalau Adam mesej ana lagi, Zulfa?”

“Jangan hiraukan. Anti tak bersalah kalau anti tak layan dia pon. Melainkan…”

“Melainkan apa?”

“Melainkan apa yang dimesej tu berunsur tarbiyah. Bolehlah anti membalasnya dengan mesej tarbiyah juga. Apa- apa pun itu bergantung kepada niat anti. Kalau kita boleh elakkan dari perkara yang boleh mendatangkan dosa itu yang sebaiknya. Syaitan tak berhenti menggoda manusia. Lagipun, kenapa nak berhubung dengan kaum bukan sejenis kalau kita bukan dalam keadaan terpaksa untuk berhubung?”

“Betul apa yang anti kata tu, Zulfa. Ana faham maksud anti. Kita boleh berinteraksi dengan lelaki dalam erti kata mu’amalah kan? Yelah.. Atau apa- apa perkara yang melibatkan lelaki terus.”

“Mabruk, Lydia. Mabruk kerana anti masih ingin menjadi seorang yang betul- betul dalam erti kata muslimah. Kita harus berusaha, kan?”

“Ye, anti tak marahkan ana lagi, kan?”

“Ha.. tak.. Ku sayang Lydia Hana,” Zulfa bergurau. Mereka berdua ketawa ceria.

Setelah meletak gagang talifon, Zulfa terus menghadap komputer. Selain membaca buku, Zulfa juga suka membaca blog- blog berunsur dakwah. Setiap kali dia membacanya, semangat Islam semakin mekar dalam jiwa. Dia juga mahu mempunyai blog tersendiri, dimana dia boleh menyambung wasilah dakwah di muka bumi ini. Dia juga ingin menjadi seorang pejuang agama. Itu matlamat hidupnya.

Kebanyakan blog yang dikunjungi Lydia ialah blog mahasiswa Malaysia. Dia akan lompat dari satu blog ke blog yang lain, membaca apa yang perlu. Selain kisah- kisah teladan, ada juga yang menceritakan kisah hidup mereka dengan diselitkan nilai- nilai murni, satu cara tarbiyah yang tidak secara langsung.

Zulfa juga kerap menziarahi blog kakak- kakak senior di di sekolah yang menuntut di luar negara. Dia suka membaca fikrah mereka yang terangsang dengan keadaan semasa. Walaubagaimanapun dia tetap berhati- hati ketika membaca bingkisan- bingkisan yang dipaparkan di setiap blog. Dia tidak mahu terpengaruh dengan fahaman lain. Dia hanya berpegang dengan Al-Quran dan As-Sunnah.

Zulfa juga bercita- cita untuk menyambung pengajiannya di luar negara. Paling tidak, di Malaysia. Akan tetapi Zulfa bertekad untuk menunggu adiknya, Fahmi sehingga dia tamat persekolahan. Dia rela masuk ke kelas yang sama dengan Fahmi semasa pengajian diploma. Tiada apa yang ingin dimalukan, ilmu tidak mengenal umur. Yang penting, adiknya tidak akan dibiarkan keseorangan. Lagipun, tempoh dua tahun menunggu bukannya lama, dia boleh gunakan waktu itu dengan sebaiknya.

Semasa aktiviti membaca blog pagi itu, Zulfa tertarik dengan artikel bertajuk “sahabat, ku sayang kamu”. Artikel itu ialah cerita benar seorang penulis blog. Dia mengisahkan tentang sahabat yang berada di depan mata, tapi jauh di hati. Mereka sudah lama bersahabat, tetapi kemesraan di antara mereka semakin pudar. Penulis itu yakin bahawa populariti telah mengaburkan pandangan sahabatnya.

Penulis sedar bahawa sahabat penulis seorang yang popular di alam siber. Ramai kawan- kawan di sekolahnya tiba- tiba mendekatinya. Kadangkala ada diantara pelajar yang tidak pernah mendekati sahabatnya itu sebelum ini berbuat demikian sekarang. Adakah disebabkan penulis tidak popular lantas itu menggugurkan kelayakan beliau berada di samping sahabatnya itu?

Penulis dalam blognya itu mengatakan dia tidak pernah membenci sahabatnya itu. Dia percaya mungkin itu ujian Tuhan kepada persahabatan mereka. Mungkin juga persahabatan mereka akan bertambah mantap di akhirnya. Penulis mengharapkan begitu. Dia akan cuba menyelamatkan sahabatnya. Dia tidak mahu meninggalkan sahabatnya itu.

Sebelum mengakhiri artikelnya, penulis itu mengupas isu remaja- remaja sekarang yang memilih ketika berkawan. Memang memilih sahabat yang baik itu penting. Tetapi memilih kawan dari segi populariti merupakan satu perkara yang silap. Mereka ingin menarik perhatian siapa? Kalau ingin menarik perhatian kaum bukan sejenis, itu merupakan satu perkara yang sia- sia.

Zulfa tertarik dengan baris akhir artikel itu,” wahai muslimah sekalian, jika perhatian lelaki yang anda mahukan, sedarlah. Lelaki yang soleh hanya mahukan perempuan yang jauh daripada fitnah, yang jauh dari bualan manusia, dan yang asyik dengan cinta Ilahi sebelum tiba masanya.”

“Tapi sayang, itu yang sangat ketara berlaku sekarang,” hati Zulfa berbisik.

Mendung di Jiwa: Episod 2

2009-11-08T20:10:00.003+08:00

“ Zulfa! Zulfa!,” Lydia bergegas ke arah Zulfa. “Ada sesuatu ana nak bagi tahu anti.”

“Apa dia?”

“Duduk sini,” Lydia mengajak Zulfa duduk di satu sudut. “Hmm, bagaimana ana nak beritahu anti eh?... Begini, semalam ana berbual dengan seorang lelaki… Tetapi menerusi chatting.. Rupa- rupanya budak lelaki tu sekolah di sini juga.. Di menengah tiga. Namanya Adam. Dia nak jumpa ana lepas waktu sekolah.. Anti boleh temankan ana tak?”

“Ada kepentingan apa anti nak jumpa dia?” Zulfa kurang senang dengan idea itu.

Lydia menggeleng kepalanya. Dia tertunduk. Malu dengan Zulfa.

“Mari ikut ana,” Zulfa menarik tangan Lydia.

Zulfa ingin berjumpa dengan seorang kakak yang dikenalinya. Juga di menengah tiga.

“Salam. Hmm, kak Fizah. Ana nak tanya, boleh tak?”

“Silakan.”
“Di menengah tiga, ada seorang pelajar yang bernama Adam ke?” Muka Lydia berubah mendengar soalan yang dilontarkan Zulfa.

“Adam… Adam.. Ooo.. Adam Sofiyullah.. Budak hensem tu..”

Lydia menggaru kepala. Satu situasi yang tidak diingini.

“Eh, Zulfa. Tu Adam. Cuba tengok budak yang bawa beg hitam tu.. Yang ke arah meja tu..” Kak Fizah berbisik.

Zulfa memandang ke arah pelajar itu, memang kacak dan segak. Pada waktu itu juga, Adam tiba- tiba menoleh ke arah Zulfa. Pandangan mata mereka bertembung.

“Astaghfirullah,” Zulfa mengucap.

“Kenapa?” Lydia menanyakan Zulfa.

“Takde,” Zulfa menjawab perlahan. “Baik kita lupa soal ni, lepas tamat waktu sekolah baru kita bincang pasal ni lagi, k?” Zulfa tiba- tiba terasa pening.

Pagi itu, kelas menengah satu B mempelajari mata pelajaran Tasawwuf.

“Baiklah, pagi ini kita akan belajar topik baru,” Ustazah Maznah memberitahu kelasnya, “ iaitu Khasyyatullah.Ertinya…”

“Takut kepada Allah,” kedengaran jawapan dari pelajar- pelajar yang cukup bersemangat.

“Boleh tak beri saya satu contoh takut khasyyatullah? “ sambung Ustazah Maznah, “hmm, siapa ye?... Aaah… Dini, awak Dini kan?”

Dini mengangguk dan terus berdiri. “Menunaikan segala perintah Allah, Ustazah.”

“Toyyib, ada lagi yang nak menjawab?”

“Zulfa!” Lydia terus menjerit nama Zulfa.

Zulfa yang agak tersentak dengan jeritan Lydia terus bangun. ‘Hmm.. Tak mengapa, dengar betul- betul jawapan ana, Lydia,” Zulfa bermonolog.

“Hmm.. Contoh Khasyyatullah ialah menjauhi segala perkara yang berdosa dan yang boleh membawa kepada dosa,” Zulfa menjawab, “Contohnya ialah ingin berjumpa dengan lelaki bukan mahram tanpa sebarang urusan.. Walaupun tidak berdua- duaan,” Zulfa menekankan ayat yang terakhir.

Lydia terasa. Dia cuba untuk tidak mengeluarkan apa- apa reaksi. Dia tidak menyalahkan kawannya itu.

“Syabas, jawapan yang sungguh berkaitan dengan sosial remaja sekarang, Ustazah Maznah tersenyum, “Saya kira ini contoh yang muda difahami, ye murid- murid?”

Semua mengangguk.

“Walaubagaimanapun, ada juga dosa- dosa juga yang dianggap perkara biasa pada zaman ini. Antaranya mendengar lagu yang lagho dan perempuan yang berangan- berangan ketika dalam cinta terhadap lelaki….”

Pada waktu rehat pagi itu, Zulfa berasa kurang senang. Kawan sekelasnya, Natasha bersama 3 orang rakannya asyik memandangnya dengan pandangan tajam.

“Zulfa, ana tengok Natasha macam tak puas hati dengan anti. Kenapa?” Lydia juga menyedari perkara ini.

“Ana tak tahula…”

“Alah.. Buat bodoh je. Si Natasha tu bukan baik sangat…” Lydia memang sudah dari dulu lagi kurang senang dengan kegiatan sosial Natasha.

“Tak baik cakap gitu, Lydia. Minta maaf dengan Natasha nanti.”

“Eh.. Si Natasha tu dah buat anti begitu pon anti masih nak sebelahi dia?” Lydia naik angin.

“Ini bukan masalah ana menyebelahi siapa, tapi anti dah memburukkan Natasha, dosa tu, Lydia. Kalau Natasha yang bersalah dalam hal ni, dia akan minta maaf juga, kan?”

Lydia sedar dia terlalu mengikut emosi.

“Ana rasa lebih baik ana berterus terang dengan Natasha dalam kelas nanti,” Zulfa menyambung.

Lydia hanya mengangguk.

Setibanya Zulfa dan Lydia di dalam kelas, Natasha sedang bergurau senda dengan rakan- rakannya.

“Hmm.. Natasha, ana nak cakap dengan anti sekejap, boleh?” Zulfa memberanikan dirinya.

“Hmm,” Natasha kurang senang.

Mereka pergi ke satu sudut.
“Ana nak minta maaf, Natasha, kalau apa yang ana katakan dalam kelas tasawwuf tadi menyinggung anti,” Zulfa memulakan bicara.

“Siapa makan cili terasa pedasnya,” Lydia berkata dalam hati.

Natasha diam seketika, kemudian,” Baguslah kalau anti sedar. Lain kali kalau nak cakap jangan main lepas saja. Anti ingat anti baik sangat?”

“Begini, ana tak bermaksud untuk tujukan perkara itu kepada anti, jadi kalau itu sebabnya anti marahkan ana, ana minta maaf sekali lagi,” Zulfa menjelaskan.

“Lagipun, apa yang dikatakan Zulfa dalam kelas tasawwuf tadi benar, sila ambil ikitibar,” Lydia menyampuk.

“Lydia!” Zulfa tidak mahu merumitkan keadaan.

“Minta maaf ye, Natasha,” Zulfa menghulurkan tangan. Natasha menyambut tangan Zulfa dan tersenyum hambar. Lalu Natasha berlalu.

“Nanti,” Lydia memarik nafas. “Ana minta maaf juga, Natasha. Memang benar kalau ana kurang senang terhadap kegiatan sosial anti dan berprasangka buruk terhadap anti. Kita sama- sama ingin kearah kebaikan, kan? Ana minta maaf,” Lydia menghulurkan tangan dan Natasha sekali lagi menyambutnya. Natasha amat terkesan dengan apa yang dikatakan Lydia.

Sebaik sahaja Natasha melangkah pergi, Zulfa terus memeluk Lydia. “Lydia, ana bangga sangat dengan anti. Anti berani untuk mengatakan yang benar.”

“Semua itu dari tarbiyah anti juga, Zulfa." "Ya Allah, ku bersyukur,” Lydia berkata dalam hati. Dia tersenyum.

Semasa dalam perjalanan pulang dari sekolah. Zulfa dan Lydia berbual-bual.

“Kenapa anti tanya kak Fizah tentang Adam tadi pagi, Zulfa?” Lydia inginkan menjelaskan.

“Ana cuma nak kepastian kalau memang betul Adam bersekolah di sini. Anti pun tak yakin, kan?” Zulfa menjawab tenang. “Nasib baik kak Fizah dah tunjuk Adam pada kita tadi. Kalau salah orang nanti timbul macam- macam fitnah. Mulut orang kita tak boleh tutup. Eh, katanya nak jumpa Adam, kan? Ni kita dalam perjalanan pulang.”

“Tak jadilah. Ana dah mesej dia,” Lydia menjawab.

Zulfa terkejut dengan jawapan Lydia. Dia hanya memandang Lydia untuk seketika dan menoleh kearah lain. Dia tidak berkata sepatah pun. Lydia pula serba salah. Mereka berdua terus membisu sehingga Lydia sampai ke destinasi dan mereka bersalaman. Zulfa memberitahu dirinya supaya tidak membawa perasaan marahnya itu sampai ke rumah. Oleh itu, dia berkelakuan seperti biasa setibanya di rumah.

Petang itu, Lydia berbual- bual dengan neneknya seperti biasa. Lydia memang ingat nasihat bapanya supaya tidak membiarkan neneknya keseorangan. Bapanya menggalakkannya berbual- bual dengan neneknya, dapat pahala menggembirakan orang tua. “Kalau Zulfa bersikap acuh tak acuh dengan nenek, kemungkinan Allah akan mengurniakan Zulfa cucu yang tak hormat kepada neneknya. Zulfa mesti tak mahu, kan?” Terngiang- ngiang nasihat ayahnya.

“Nek, dulu semasa arwah ummi masih ada. Nek sayangkan ummi tak?” Zulfa menanyakan neneknya.

“Sayang. Ummi Zulfa hormat orang tua. Selalu berbual- bual dengan nenek. Macam Zulfa sekarang ni lah,” neneknya mengusik. Zulfa hanya tersenyum.

“Hmm.. Bila ayah Zulfa bagi tahu nenek bahawa dia ingin bernikah dengan ummi Zulfa, nenek terus setuju ke?” Zulfa menyambung pertanyaannya.

“Ayah Zulfa seorang yang baik. Nenek percaya dengan pilihannya. Lagipun, ayah Zulfa dah banyak kali cerita tentang arwah Sarah, ummi Zulfa. Yang nenek risaukan ialah kewarganegaraan arwah Sarah. Dia rakyat Moroko. Nenek risau jika ayah Zulfa tinggal di sana. Tapi arwah Sarah memang seorang yang solehah. Dia ikut kata suami.”

Zulfa hanya diam mendengar kata- kata neneknya.

“Bukan sekadar arwah Sarah rela tinggal di sini, beliau juga tiada masalah apabila ayah Zulfa mengutarakan bahawa dia ingin menjaga nenek. Nenek mula- mula segan juga. Selalu dengar cerita tentang mertua yang tak sebulu dengan menantu. Tapi arwah Sarah membuat nenek berasa senang tinggal di sini. Hmm, nanti bila Zulfa dah bernikah, layan mertua dengan baik.”

Zulfa hanya ketawa, “InsyaAllah, nek. Lama lagi tu. Perjalanan masih jauh.” Memang tidak dinafikan. Zulfa juga pernah impikan rumahtangga yang bahagia. Tetapi dia jarang fikirkan perkara itu. Dia masih terlalu muda. Lagipun Ilmu di dada belum cukup.

“Nek cuma nasihatkan dulu. Mana tahu nenek sudah tak ada lagi bila Zulfa kecapi hari bahagia nanti,” nenek Zulfa mengurut kepalanya.

“Nek…” Zulfa terus memeluk neneknya.

Bersambung...

Bedah Buku: BERTUDUNGLAH wahai puteriku

2009-10-23T07:16:00.005+08:00

Buku ini mengupas mengenai alasan- alasan mereka yang tidak mahu bertudung. Sekaligus membangkang alasan mereka dengan dalil- dalil yang kukuh.

Alasan pertama: Menyekat Gelora Seksual.

Tudung yang dipakai oleh wanita akan menyembunyikan kecantikannya. Hal ini menyebabkan kaum lelaki terpaksa menahan hawa nafsu. Kadangkala kerana tidak mampu menahan lagi akhirnya ia dilampiaskan dalam bentuk perkosaan.

Bangkangan: Wanita yang mempamerkan auratnya, mempertontonkan kecantikan dan keelokan paras rupanya tentulah menjadi daya tarikan utama untuk diganggu. Manakala yang bertudung pula, dia sentiasa menyembunyikan kecantikan dan perhiasannya.

Alasan kedua: Belum Yakin Sepenuhnya.

'Demi Allah! Saya masih belum menyakini sepenuhnya kewajipan memakai tudung. Setelah saya yakin sepenuhnya, saya akan memakai tudung insya-Allah.'

Bangkangan: Sebagaimana solat yang selalu kita jaga sebagai satu kewajipan, sama juga halnya dengan masalah bertudung. Memakai tudung itu wajib dan kewajipannya tidak dapat diragukan. Tidakkah kita pernah mendengar celaan Allah terhadap Bani Israel kerana mereka melakukan sesetengah perintah Allah dan meninggalkan sesetengah yang lain?

Alasan ketiga: Iman Letaknya di Hati.

Jika ditanya kepada seseorang yang tidak bertudung: "Mengapa kamu tidak memakai tudung?" Mereka menjawab: "Ah! Iman itu letaknya di hati."

Bangkangan: Definisi Iman menurut pandangan jumhur ulama ahli sunnah wal jamaah ialah: "Keyakinan dalam hati, mengungkapkan dengan lidah dan pelaksanaan dengan anggota badan."

Alasan keempat: Belum Mendapat Hidayah.

"Allah belum memberi hidayah kepadaku. Sebenarnya aku juga ingin memakai tudung. Tetapi, apakan daya Allah masih belum membuka pintu hatiku. Doakanlah agar Allah segera memberi hidayah kepadaku."

Bangkangan: Allah telah menciptakan dalam diri setiap mukallaf untuk memilih antara jalan kebenaran dan kebatilan. Jika dia memilih jalan kebenaran menurut kemahuannya sendiri sudah tentu hidayah taufiq akan datang kepadanya.

Alasan kelima: Bimbang Tidak Mendapat Jodoh.

Jika dia memakai tudung, sudah tentu semua yang dimilikinya itu tidak dapat dipamerkan. Kononnya kaum lelaki tidak akan memilihnya untuk dijadikan teman hidup. Ia menjadi kepercayaan ibu bapa, akhirnya mereka melarang anak perempuan mereka bertudung.

Bangkangan: Pemuda soleh akan beranggapan sekiranya wanita itu berani melanggar salah satu perintah Allah dengan tidak memakai tudung, tidak pelik dia akan melanggar perintah- perintah Allah yang lain selepas berkahwin. Ini kerana, syaitan memiliki banyak misi.

Alasan keenam: Masih Muda Remaja

Seorang ibu akan berkata: "Janganlah melarang mereka menikmati kehidupan. Dia masih boleh memakai pakaian yang cantik, bersolek dengan alat 'make-up' serta masih boleh menampilkan kecantikannya. Semua itu boleh membuatkan dia berasa bahagia."

Bangkangan: Ibu bapa yang tidak menyuruh anak perempuan mereka memakai tudung dengan alasan mereka masih belum dewasa, mereka berdua akan menanggung tanggungjawab yang besar di hadapan Allah kelak pada hari kiamat. Sepatutnya, ketika seorang gadis mengalami haid ketika itulah dia wajib memakai tudung menurut hukum syara'.

Ingin mengetahui dengan lebih mendalam tentang perkara ini? Dapatkan buku 'BERTUDUNGLAH wahai puteriku' oleh Abdul Hamid Al-Bilali, Karya Bestari.

Mendung di Jiwa: EPISOD 1

2009-10-20T10:30:00.004+08:00

“Zulfa! Zulfa!,” Lydia Hana memanggil kawan baiknya. Lydia sangat berdebar- debar. Itulah hari pertama persekolahan mereka setelah bercuti sebulan lebih. Sekarang mereka berada di menengah satu. Mereka sudah tidak sabar untuk memulakan pengajian di peringkat menengah. Sudah pasti semangat baru menyusup masuk ke dalam jiwa mereka.

Zulfa mengangkat tangan dan melambai ke arah Lydia. Lalu dia menoleh ke belakang, “Fahmi, akak pegi dengan kawan akak, k? Fahmi beratur macam biasa. Assalamu’alaikum.”

Fahmi mengangguk. Dia sedang menoleh ke kiri dan ke kanan melihat kawasan sekolahnya. Maklumlah, baru sahaja selesai cuti. Tahun ini Fahmi berada di darjah lima.

“Assalamu’alaikum, ya sohibati Lydia,” Zulfa memberi salam dan mereka berdua saling bersalam- salaman mengikut sunnah Nabi.

“Kita ke kantin, ye?” Lydia bertanya.

“Boleh. Sarapan pagi adalah penting,” sahut Zulfa penuh semangat.

“Setuju.”

Zulfa dan Lydia menjadi kawan baik ketika mereka di darjah lima. Pada waktu itu, Zulfa digandingkan dengan Lydia untuk menyiapkan tugasan. Lydia ialah anak perempuan bagi seorang kaya. Apa yang dimahunya sentiasa dituruti. Lydia sangat kagum dengan Zulfa. Banyak nilai- nilai murni telah dia pelajari dari Zulfa. Jauh di sudut hati Lydia dia mahu persahabatan itu berkekalan hingga akhirnya.

Lydia juga kagum dengan Zulfa disebabkan kepintarannya. Dari darjah satu, Zulfa mendapat tempat pertama di dalam kelas. Walaupun bapa Lydia telah menghantarnya ke kelas tuisyen, dia merasakan bahawa sesi ulangkaji bersama Zulfa adalah lebih berkesan.

Walaupun Lydia ialah anak seorang kaya, dia tetap malu dengan Zulfa. Keluarganya tidak mengambil berat tentang agama. Mereka hanya melaksanakan yang wajib dan berasa cukup sekadar itu. Lydia tidak tahu bagaimana ingin memberitahu keluarganya tentang amalan- amalan tambahan lebih- lebih lagi dia anak bongsu. Pasti kedua- dua abang kembarnya yang berada di Politeknik itu meremehkan apa yang diperkatakannya. Oleh itu, solat- solat nafil, puasa- puasa sunat dan zikir harian yang diajarkan Zulfa kepadanya hanya diamalkan olehnya seorang.

Jam loceng kedengaran di kawasan madrasah. Zulfa dan Lydia bergegas untuk beratur.

“Zulfa, anti pengawas sekolah tahun lepas kan? Ana harap anti boleh tolong mengawal keadaan di sini. Sementara pengawas- pengawas untuk tahun ni belum dilantik lagi. Tapi tahun ni anti pasti menyandang jawatan ni lagi,” Ustazah Farihah mengukir senyuman.

“Toyyib, Ustazah.”

“Lydia, anti beratur dengan kawan- kawan lain ye. Nanti kosongkan satu tempat di sebelah anti dalam kelas ye.”

Lydia mengangguk faham. Mereka sudah duduk bersama semenjak mereka menjadi kawan baik.
********************
“Fahmi, duduklah di sebelah saya,” pelawa Khairul Anam.

Fahmi hanya tersenyum dan menerima pelawaannya.

Fahmi dan Khairul Anam juga bersahabat baik. Tetapi mereka berdua masing- masing lebih suka bersendirian. Khairul Anam, sebaik- baik manusia. Itulah nama yang diberi oleh pasangan soleh Hakimi dan Shuhadah kepada anak sulung mereka. Apabila mereka mendapat tahu bahawa Fahmi adalah seorang anak yatim, mereka menggalakkan Khairul berkawan lebih rapat dengan Fahmi. Khairul yang sudah dididik dengan tarbiyah solehah, menuruti kata- kata orang tuanya. Lagipun, Khairul amat senang dengan Fahmi, seorang yang bercakap hanya bila perlu dan suka membantu asatizah.
*********************

“Kak, macamane kita nak jadi anak soleh ye?” Fahmi menujukan soalan itu kepada Zulfa.

Hati Zulfa tersentuh, bergenang kelopak matanya. Dia cukup terharu dengan soalan Fahmi.

“Fahmi,” Zulfa memulakan bicaranya. Lembut. “Kalau kita ikut segala perintah Allah dan menjauhi larangannya pun dianggap soleh. Mudahkan? Tapi kenapa Fahmi tiba- tiba tanya soalan tu?”

“Di sekolah tadi Ustazah beritahu kami satu kelas tentang tiga amalan yang tidak akan terputus walaupun kita telah meninggal….”

“Sadaqah Jariah, Ilmu yang dimanfaatkan dan doa anak soleh,” Zulfa dan Fahmi menjawab serentak.

“Kan ummi dah takde, kan? Jadi…. kalau Fahmi jadi soleh, mungkin doa Fahmi akan menyebabkan amalan ummi tak terputus.” Fahmi sambung.

“Fahmi..” Zulfa tidak dapat menahan sebak. Dia terus memeluk adiknya. Mulianya hati Zulfahmi Aihan. Umur Fahmi yang masih muda membuatnya insaf. Lebih menyedihkan lagi ialah apabila Zulfa mendengar perkataan ‘ummi’ yang keluar dari mulut Fahmi. Fahmi tak pernah jumpa ummi.

“Allah, kesian Fahmi.” Hati Zulfa berbisik.

Malam itu, seperti biasa mereka makan di atas safra bersama ayah mereka. Salah satu sunnah junjungan Rasul S.A.W. Subhi mengambil kesempatan untuk menasihatkan anaknya selepas makan.

“Zulfa, ayah nak cakap sikit.”

“Zulfa dengar, ayah.”

“Zulfa sekarang dah menengah satu, betul?” Zulfa mengangguk. “Zulfa, sebagai seorang muslimah mukminah ada sesuatu perkara yang Zulfa patut ambil berat. Lebih- lebih lagi Zulfa selalu berada di kawasan lelaki ajnabi. Dan anak ayah ni cantik bak bidadari.”

Zulfa tahu akan nikmat dari Tuhannya. Malah pernah terdetik di hatinya untuk memakai niqab. Selain dari mengikut Sunnah Sahabiah, dia ingin mengurangkan perhatian lelaki kepadanya. Dia mula menyedari perkara ini beberapa bulan yang lalu. Kemana sahaja dia pergi, pasti ada sahaja lelaki yang akan menatap wajahnya. Tetapi, dia tidak pernah didedahkan tentang niqab dan tidak pandai mengatasi situasi ini. Dia pasti Tuhan telah memilih bapanya untuk menerangkannya tentang perkara ini. Bapa, guru yang paling aula.

“Zulfa, ummi Zulfa selalu menjaga batas pergaulan. Dia akan selalu menundukkan pandangan. Tidak mudah senyum kepada lelaki ajnabi. Dan hanya bertutur dengan lelaki bila perlu sahaja. Mungkin memakai niqab ialah jalan penyelesaiannya. Tetapi buat masa ni, Zulfa harus ingat tentang batas- batas pergaulan. Inilah diantara cabaran remaja sekarang. Bercampur gaul dengan kaum bukan sejenis. Mungkin perkara itu biasa, tapi siapa akan tanggung dosanya?”

Kata- kata ayahnya benar- benar membuat Zulfa berfikir. “Macam tak rase bersalah pun Kak Dila keluar dengan lelaki tu,” Zulfa berbisik. Minggu lepas, Zulfa terserempak dengan jirannya yang keluar dengan lelaki ajnabi.

“Kita dibolehkan keluar dengan kaum bukan sejenis. Tapi kita wajib bawa kawan atau mahram kita bersama. Haram keluar atau duduk berdua- duaan. Walaupun untuk tujuan belajar atau apa- apa tujuan murni. Syaitan itu berada di mana- mana. Syaitan tidak akan berhenti menggoda manusia sehingga berlakunya kemungkaran.”

“Tutur kata kita dengan lelaki juga harus dijaga. Haram hukumnya berbual dengan suara yang lunak. Jika lelaki itu membuat satu perkara yang dilaknat disebabkan perbuatan kita itu, kita juga akan menanggung dosanya. Tapi kalau kita ada alternatif lain untuk tidak berhubung dengan lelaki, kenapa kita mesti nak berhubung dengannya? Niat pun harus dijaga disini. Allah tahu apa tujuan kita sebenarnya….”

“Jadi…” Zulfa menyambung. “Kesimpulan disini ialah kita harus menjaga diri kita daripada pergaulan tidak syara’ ini. Walaupun Islam membataskan pergaulan, Islam tetap memberi kelonggaran kepada umatnya untuk bermu’amalah dengan kaum bukan sejenis."

“Syabas Zulfa. Ayah tahu Zulfa sangat sayangkan agama Islam. Dan Zulfa tidak akan mengundang pandangan buruk orang bukan Islam terhadap remaja Islam yang tidak endah lagi dengan batasan Islam. Astaghfirullah.”

“Doakan Zulfa, ayah,” Zulfa mengucup tangan ayahnya.

“Ayah sentiasa mendoakan kejayaan Zulfa dan Fahmi……. Eh, Fahmi, bangun, nak. Tertidur pula anak ayah ni.”

“Emm..” Fahmi bersuara. Dia terus mengangkat kepalanya dari meja dan menghadap ke hadapan.

“Mari Fahmi, kita masuk tidur. Jangan lupa ambil wudhuk dulu.” Zulfa mengingatkan Fahmi.

“Assalamu’alaikum, ayah,” Zulfa dan Fahmi berkata serentak.

“Wa’alaikumsalam.”

Apabila Zulfa dan Fahmi sudah berada di pembaringan, Zulfa mengingatkan adiknya lagi, “Jangan lupa baca doa tidur, 4 Qul dan zikir tasbih Fatimah.”

“Ye, kak. Kak, Fahmi nak tanye ni. Niqab tu ape?”

Zulfa hanya tersenyum dan mendiamkan diri.

“Kak? Kak dah tidur ke?”

“Takpelah dik, adik tak perlu tahu tu semua lagi. Semoga Allah merahmati dik,” Zulfa berkata dalam hati. Dia terus tidak berhenti menyebut nama Allah hingga akhirnya tidak sedarkan diri.

Di dalam bilik yang lain, ayah Zulfa duduk di atas sejadah. “Ya Allah, aku telah menasihatkan anakku. Berilah nur kepadanya….. Sarah, anak kita telah dewasa.” Airmatanya mengalir.

BERSAMBUNG...

Al- Kisah..

2009-10-04T07:54:00.010+08:00

#1
Was staying with Yaakob family for the past week and still am. On Wednesday, the family held an open house. That's when I met this 7-year-old boy. I was sitting at a corner and this boy like to stand there. So I started a conversation.
Me: Dik, nama siapa?
Boy: MOKmin..
Me: Hmm?
Boy: MOKmin..
Me: Ooo.. MUKmin..

You see. My mind was set to hear an arabic name so I couldn't get it at the first place. But I was very happy that his parent chose a good name for him. May you be a strong mukmin.

*Give your child a good name, he/ she will be called by his name in the hereafter. Mafhum Hadis.
Another hadis: A good name will be called earlier than the others.*

#2
My desk where I was working at was beside Ustaz R. He was a family counselor. People will see him regarding marriage matters. One day, a salesman came to my desk and promote his book. I was so immersed in my work that I shook my head. But he continued his promotion and the title of the book really caught my attention plus the cheap price. It was Penenang Jiwa by Imam al- Ghazali. So I went to a corner for my wallet.

When I came back at my desk, Ustaz R was on the way of buying the book.
Ustaz R: Takpe, ni ilmu.

I paid the book and continued with my work. Suddenly someone called me.
Ustaz R: (While holding the book) Dik, hati tenang tak?
Me: (Smile and shook my head)
Ustaz R: Tu la, pasal awak belum kahwin lagi.. Tu pasal tk tenang..
Me: (Just shook my head, as if I don't care) Tp dlm hati: Macam2 la ustaz ni..
Ustaz R: ( Talking to a couple who came to get married) Kak, tenang tak?
The lady: (Nod her head)

No, that is not the reason. I believe that by thinking of Allah I will feel calm. Plus we will never feel calm until we settle down, until we know our aim in life.

*Mafhum from Saidina Umar al- Khattab: You won't feel uneasy if you know what you're searching for.*

#3
During the assembly on Friday morning after the reading of Yasin with all the staff, the Kadi there was talking about salam. He requested us all to keep smiling and giving salam. After all, the smile is sedekah.

*Ufshus salaam bainakum tahaabbuu*

#4
When I was sitting on a bed after a tiring working day, the bed was kind of shaking. I was startled so I stood up. What was under the bed, I was thinking. Suddenly I heard Haji Yaakob's voice in the living room (Was staying at his house in Malaysia).
Haji Yaakob: Ni mesti ada gempa kat mana- mana ni.

That night, the news reported that an earthquake had occurred in Sumatera. Malaysia and the nearby area felt the shaking.

Oh Allah, save the muslimin. We are not ready. Our good deeds is just a dust if are weighed on your mizan. Forgive us.

#5
One evening after working hours, Aini's brother, Bro Irwan fetched us. We didn't go straight back home. Instead, he brought us rounding the Muar area. He even brought us to a place where there are a lot of monkeys.

*One of the specialities of the Sahabah is they believe in the Shahadah. To increase their beliefs, they have to talk about Allah more often and look at Allah's creations.*

You will know that Allah is the real creator. Just look around. It's all Allah's.

Another two more weeks of administration training. Learnt a lot. It is all ilm. Alhamdulillah.(:

The day she turns 18.

2009-09-25T22:23:00.007+08:00

On 26th September 1991 around 5 a.m in an apartment's room, a cry broke out. A baby named Siti Zunairah was born. She was born in no time- Even the placenta refused to discharge normally by the time her mother reached the hospital. As a result, the placenta had to be vacuumed out. That's the second time her mother had to suffer in only a day.

But a day before her 18th birthday, she became so sad, for a reason. That really spoiled her mood. Everything was just wrong. Irritated, she sat alone in the living room. Think and think. Trying to console herself everything is just fine. Trying to tell herself that her Allah and Rasul is her first love. Trying to plan her life. What exactly does she want? She replayed back all the principal's advices to her and her friend earlier that morning.

The seeker of Ilm, that's what she ought to be. It doesn't matter where do we seek it or whether it is acknowledgeable or not. The Ilm is all that matters. There is a long journey ahead. A diploma isn't enough. To build a family? That will be after taking the degree. This in the aspect of education. But in the aspect of religion? She somehow discovered something meaningful.

She replayed back a life story of a person she knows. The lady was a girl who really adheres the islamic rules of socialising. She won't go out with an ajnabi unless with a mahram. The guy is also quite religious. Both of them were married and had children. Now, they had tried their best to get what their child wanted and it is fruitful. The fear of separation with the child was overcome by the reason: The child really wanted to go . It is all because of Ilm and sacrification.

She started to ask herself. What's the reason Allah created her? It is to be a slave to Him. But now, she has somehow gone out of the track. She told herself that she has to believe. Allah promises the best. What is destined for her won't fade. It is now or later. So, after a second, she let out a smile. That's the answer, Zunairah, she told herself. She really hope she will hold this inspiration, forever. Alhamdulillah for the ilham.

During the sunset, she was thinking again. She had got herself the best 18th birthday present- it is the realisation. Thank you Allah. The second best is to visit the Asatizah. She is really thankful for her friends for accompanying her.

Lastly, to the Kuwait students, have a safe journey back. May Allah bless you guys. To 'Aishah, all the best. Achieve what you really want. I believe you could. (:

Thinking about people, she forgot that she hasn't pack yet. She also has no idea how the administration practical gonna be. Monday is the day, to taste the working environment. How does it feel?

Salam lebaran.

2009-09-22T00:09:00.014+08:00

Salam aidlilfitri. Salam kemenangan buat semua umat Islam. Seperti yang dikatakan kepada seorang sahabat, masanya belum terlambat lagi untuk meminta maaf kepada semua khususnya sahabat- sahabat seperjuangan.

Semakin jauh perjalanan dalam menuntut ilmu, semakin banyak cabaran dan dugaan yang harus diharungi. Itulah lumrah kehidupan. Selain susah penat menuntut ilmu, persengketaan di dalam persahabatan juga berlaku. Di sini terserlah segala kelemahan kita. Oleh itu, diriku, Siti Zunairah Bte Abdul Malee ingin memohon maaf atas segala kesilapan. Terimalah kekurangan diri ini. Persahabatan yang telah dibina ini tak mungkin terlerai begitu sahaja. Jauh di sudut hati masih ada secebis kasih sayang. Ku sayang anda semua.

Kepada p5-601-B, mohon seribu kemaafan. Diri ini sangat dhaif. Terima kasih kerana telah bersamaku sepanjang semester ini. Halalkan makan minum. Doakanku. Moga- moga rumah kita bercahaya dengan nur ilahi.

Kepada p5-603-B, sebagai jiran dan sahabat seperjuangan, terima kasih atas layanan dan ukhwah anda semua. Mohon maaf atas salah silap.

Kepada DSPI 3A, terima kasih kepada layanan dan semangat ukhwah anda, kita tidak tahu apa yang akan mendatang. Marilah kita sama- sama berdoa agar Allah tegarkan hati kita semua. Mudahan- mudahan kelas ini bersatu dalam rahmatNya.

Kepada ahli- ahli:

Exco Tarbiyah dan Pembangunan ALAM,

Sekretariat Rakan Muda,

Persatuan Mahasiswa Undang- Undang,

Majlis Perwakilan Qaryah B.O.T,

Biro Pembangunan Insan Komiti Ta'aruf,

mohon maaf atas salah silap, terkasar bahasa dan perlaksanaan tanggungjawab yang kurang baik sepanjang penglibatanku dalam berorganisasi. Terima kasih atas tunjuk ajar anda semua. Pengalaman ini akan ku bawa bersama setelah selesai pengajian nanti. Sementara itu, kita masih ada beberapa program untuk dilaksanakan sebelum jawatan ini dilepaskan akhir semester depan. Semangat! Semangat!

Kepada sesiapa yang tidak ku maksudkan disini, jika pernah berasa tersinggung dengan diri ini, ku mohon maaf. Silalah tampil untuk menegurku. Teguran ini ialah salah satu asbab untuk memperbaiki diri ini. Sesiapa yang ada bersangka buruk dengan diri ini, sesungguhnya ku bukanlah seorang yang sempurna, tetapi datanglah kepadaku untuk menanyakan kebenaran.

Akhir sekali, kepada pembaca semua, selamat menyambut aidilfitri yang mulia. Terima kasih kerana menyokong diri ini yang baru sahaja menceburi medan dakwah ini. Mohon maaf jika ku tersilap langkah ataupun terdapat artikel- artikel yang menyentuh sensitiviti mana- mana pihak. Sesungguhnya kesempurnaan di pihakku adalah mustahil sama sekali.

Maafkanlah diri ini, walaupun setinggi gunung uhud amalanku, ku tetap tidak akan lepas di mahkamah ilahi jika ada yang tidak dapat memaafkan diri ini. Wallahu'alam.

Keluarga Abdul Malee ingin mengucapkan Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir dan Batin. (:
كل عام وأنتم بخير

Sinopsis: Mendung Di Jiwa.

2009-09-16T00:12:00.005+08:00

Airmatanya bergelinang. Dia hanya seorang kanak- kanak perempuan yang berumur enam tahun. Dia kenal perasaan sedih itu. Tetapi perasaan itu tidak dapat dihayati. Dia tidak tahu meluahkan. Dia tunduk ke bawah, seutas gelang perak di pergelangan tangannya. Masih berseri dan sangat cantik. Itulah peninggalan arwah umminya kepadanya.

Selalunya waktu petang begini, dia akan bersama adiknya bermain di taman permainan. Tetapi kejadian di tadika siang tadi membuat hati kecilnya dilanda ombak. Tajuk perbincangan kelas tadika 2a pagi itu bersama Ustazah ‘Aisyah ialah “masakan ibu kegemaran saya”. Amat menghairankan apabila seorang kanak- kanak pintar sepertinya tidak dapat menjawab soalan semudah itu apabila ditanya guru. Tetapi itulah realiti, dia tidak pernah merasakan masakan umminya.

“Zulfa! Zulfa! Panggil adik masuk. Dah nak maghrib ni,”, suara nyaring neneknya kedengaran dari belakang.

Zulfa Hurul’iin yang sedang duduk di depan pintu tersedar dari khayalannya dan segera bangun dan berlari ke taman. Mereka tinggal di tingkat satu rumah pangsa. Dan pintu hadapan rumah mereka menghadap taman permainan.

Fahmi,” suara halus Zulfa memanggil adiknya, “Fahmi, nenek dah panggil tu. Mari masuk dalam.”

“Kejaplah kak, kejap je. Fahmi nak main lagi. Kak main dengan fahmi la, “jawab Zulfahmi Aihan.

Zulfa menggaru kepalanya. Dia tidak faham akan perangai adiknya, “masuklah.”

“Sekejap.”

“Masuk!”

“La.. kenapa anak- anak ayah ni? Mari masuk, Fahmi. Dah nak maghrib ni”, kedengaran suara ceria ayah mereka yang baru sahaja pulang.

“Ayah nak saya tolong bawa beg tu?” pelawa Zulfa. Itulah Zulfa Hurul’iin. Memang dari kecil dia sudah dididik dengan akhlak yang mulia. Zulfa bukan sahaja pintar dan berakhlak. Tetapi paras rupanya bak bidadari. Kulitnya yang cerah, bulu mata yang lebat. Dia tahu bahawa dia ialah seorang kanak- kanak berketurunan Moroko. Tetapi keturunan ini tidak memberi apa- apa kesan kepada dirinya melainkan sedikit sahaja- Paras rupanya dan kebolehan berbahasa Arab di usia yang muda.

Dengan peninggalan umminya, anak jati Moroko, kehidupan Zulfa dan adiknya seperti orang Melayu biasa. Oleh kerana sudah diajar dengan bahasa Arab sehingga berusia dua tahun, bapa Zulfa menghadapi kesukaran mengajarnya bahasa Melayu pada peringkat awal. Tetapi setelah empat tahun berlalu, penguasaan Bahasa Melayu Zulfa lebih baik daripada yang dijangkakan.

Subhi Soleh ialah seorang lelaki biasa. Berjumpa dengan seorang wanita Moroko ketika pengajiannya di sana. Subhi tertarik dengan keayuannya dan kagum dengan kepintarannya. Tetapi , apa yang lebih membuatnya cenderung kepada wanita itu ialah agamanya. Sentiasa menjaga pandangan, menutup aurat, menjaga pergaulan dan semangatnya dalam amr ma’aruf dan nahi mungkar. Bagai bulan jatuh ke riba apabila pinangan Subhi diterima oleh wanita itu. Rumahtangganya yang seperti syurga cinta itu hilang serta- merta dengan kudrah Tuhan.

Sarah Iman meninggal ketika melahirkan Zulfahmi Aihan. Dia syahidah dalam melahirkan seorang imam. Manakala Zulfa Hurul’iin juga kehilangan seorang ummi yang sangat solehah. Dalam masa dua tahun, Zulfa sudah mengenal Allah. Umminya tidak menyuruhnya menghafal apa- apa surah atau zikir. Lafaz nama yang Maha Agong sudah cukup bagi si kecil. Ketika jatuh, Zulfa menyebut Allah . Sebelum makan, Zulfa menyebut Allah. Melihat langit, Zulfa menyebut Allah. Memang seorang ibu akan berasa cukup gembira jika perkataan pertama yang keluar dari mulut anaknya ialah ibu atau mama atau ummi. Tetapi bagi Sarah Iman airmatanya mengalir kesyukuran kerana perkataan yang pertama keluar dari mulut Zulfa ialah nama suci Allah.

Mungkin Sarah Iman akan sujud kesyukuran jika dia tahu bahawa perkataan pertama yang keluar dari mulut Zulfahmi Aihan juga ialah Allah. Subhi telah menggunakan cara Sarah mendidik Zulfa dan ternyata berhasil. Bagi Subhi, Zulfa Hurul’iin dan Zulfahmi Aihan ialah hadiah teragung yang Sarah berikan kepadanya. Itulah zuriatnya. Itulah penawar dukanya. Sarah seakan- akan lenyap terus dari hidupnya bila keluarganya di Moroko meminta agar jenazahnya disemadikan di sana. Bagi Zulfahmi Aihan, dia tidak berkesempatan untuk menatap wajah suci umminya. Apatah lagi mengucapkan, ‘ummi’. Tetapi dia mengerti akan kepergian ibunya...

INGIN IKUTI KISAH SELANJUTNYA? NANTIKAN PERASMIAN CERPEN 'MENDUNG DI JIWA' oleh Muslihatunnafs a.k.a Zunairah Malee. Hanya di blog ini. (:

There can be miracles, when you believe.

2009-09-07T02:40:00.005+08:00

It's raining. As if the cloud know this sadness. It isn't about the heart. It's about this Ramadhan. This Ramadhan that is full of challenges and wonder moments. The Ramadhan that have been go through with examination. So dreaded. But one thing that have to be fulfilled: Be in the examination hall with our mind full of theories that have been learnt this semester. I couldn't lie, I was very excited about the Eid. In fact, most people are. But this Ramadhan, it is saying goodbye. I wish it could stay forever. And she is saying goodbye too.

Few days ago, when I have finished performing the ablution, a little girl came into the ablution corner. Seeing a girl about the age of three unaccompanied by any adults made me look at her curiously. I was looking at her so concentrately until one aunty was looking at me, puzzled. This little girl was performing her ablution on her own. I was afraid that she would fall on the wet floor at first. So there I was, unmoved, watching her performing ablution completely. I was really taken aback. This little girl is very lucky to have been exposed to prayers at a very young age. I myself, not even planned to teach my child (InsyaAllah) at a very young age.

I was thinking, why the Saff of Muslims are not strong enough? I've been observing during the tarawih, that it is so hard to straighten the Saff. Why it is so hard to either move to the right or left to fill the Saff? It is very wasted if the Saff is left unfilled. We are praying jamaah but we don't want to be close to each other. So where actually is the motive? We want to strengthen the Silaturrahmi. But don't forget the reward, it is for fardiyyah or jamaah?

This love, it is for everyone. For Allah, Rasul, family and friends. As long as it wasn't for someone who doesn't deserve it. Keep in mind, the journey is still long ahead. We still wanna achieve more and plan our future.

I need Allah the most.

Debaran peperiksaan. (:

2009-08-30T06:23:00.004+08:00

Ya Allah, ku rasakan baru sahaja semalam ku menunaikan tarawih yang pertama. Tanpa ku sedari, 10 hari pertama akan berlalu. Apalah sahaja amalanku di 10 hari ini. Ku harap Engkau terima semuanya. Hari- hari rahmat akan pergi, menyusul pula hari- hari maghfirah. Usah engkau gundah, masanya untuk menambahkan lagi amalan. Ya, benar. Syawal memang semakin hampir, tetapi Lailatul qadar juga semakin hampir. Rebutlah peluang, kesali sekarang.

Tiba- tiba di bulan ini ku merasa rindu kepada keluarga. Ada juga terdetik di hati untuk pulang ke tanah air tercinta. Keputusan yang diambil? Ku akan menghabiskan hujung minggu-ku bersama kakakkku. Bolehlah juga, hirup kembali semangat belajar memandangkan hari Selasa merupakan hari pertama peperiksaan akhir semester.

Ku ingin mengambil kesempatan untuk mengucapkan terima kasih yang tidak terhingga kepada rakan- rakan sekelasku terhadap layanan mereka yang tidak pernah hambar selama semester ini dan juga semester- semester yang lalu. Anda semua telah mengambil tempat di hati ini. Ku ucapkan selamat maju jaya untuk peperiksaan ini. Anda semua memang hebat. Marilah sama- sama kita mendoakan satu sama lain. Akan kita sambung menyulam ukhwah di semester hadapan, InsyaAllah. Kepada dua jejaka idaman, mungkin kita tidak akan bersama lagi di dalam satu kelas, tetapi perjuangan kita tetap serupa.

Semalam, ketika dalam perjalanan dari Bangi ke Midvalley aku bertadarus al- Quran untuk mengisi masa perjalanan. Di sebelahku ialah seorang warga emas lelaki berbangsa Cina. Agak janggal bertadarus dalam ktm, tetapi itulah yang telah difikirkan akan ku lakukan. Maka berlakulah perbualan di antaraku dan warga emas itu sekali- sekala.

Setelah beberapa minit aku bertadarus, warga emas itu memakai cermin matanya dan melihat apa yang ku baca.

Warga emas: Ini doa ye? (Merujuk kepada al-quran) Di sekolah, belajar doa ye?

Zunairah: (Ku hanya senyum dan mengangguk. Dalam hati terdetik, bagaimana beliau tahu.)

Di satu perhentian ku berhenti sejenak.

W.E: Tu tulisan jawi bukan?

Z: Ye. (Ku tertarik untuk mengetahui.)

W. E: Dulu saya ada belajar jawi. Alif Ba Ta. Tapi sekarang sudah lupa. Dah lama tak belajar.

*Ya Allah, kalaulah dia mendapat nur hidayah. Ku pasti itu yang terbaik.

Setelah ku berhenti bertadarus.

W.E: Tak baca lagi?

Z: Dah nak sampai.

W.E: Tadi saya dengar kamu baca, sedap.

*Apa yang ku fikirkan bukanlah bagaimana beliau menilai bacaanku tetapi kalaulah beliau tahu isi al- Quran itu.

W.E: Kamu asal mana?

Z: (Inilah soalan yang tidak paling ku gemari selama ku menumpang di negara orang.) Singapura.

W.E: Kamu datang jauh- jauh untuk belajar.

*Sungguh terkilan, sedangkan orang yang bukan Islam juga dapat merasakan pengorbanan ini.

Ketika telah sampai ke destinasi.

Z: Saya pegi dulu ye.

W.E: Ya, ya. Orang Singapura, saya tak boleh jumpa kamu lagi.

*Kalau ku jumpa lagi, aku mahukan peluang bercerita tentang isi al-Quran dengannya.

Perjalanan di dalam ktm mengundang pandangan orang, ada juga yang mencuri- curi untuk memandang mukasurat al-Quran dan juga remaja Melayu yang baru sahaja pulang dari 'jamming' yang agak terkesan dengan perbuatanku. Pastinya pengalaman itu tidak mungkin ku lupakan. Alhamdulillah, ku selamat berjumpa dengan kakakku. Terima kasih kerana menerima kedatanganku. Walaupun sedang sibuk mengulangkaji Fiqh Jinaie. (:

Ya Allah, berilah ku kekuatan untuk menghadapi peperiksaan ini. Berkatilah ilmuku, permudahkan pembelajaranku, kuatkan semangatku untuk meneruskan Ramadhan. Amiin.

اللهم إنك عفو تحب العفو فاعف عنا يا كريم

Ramadhan al- Mubarak.

2009-08-22T11:27:00.004+08:00

Madrasah Ramadhan telah tiba. Waktu untuk umat Islam memperbanyakkan amalan, menyedari kesilapan dan menginsafi diri. Ku bersyukur dan sangat gembira kerana ku diberi peluang untuk berjumpa dengan Ramadhan sekali lagi. Bagiku, segala apa yang berlaku dalam bulan Ramadhan adalah satu kenangan yang akan ku ingati. Seminggu yang lalu, aku telah ditimpa dengan musibah kesakitan. Satu kifarah dosa. Mungkin juga salahku kepada ustaz.

Sepanjang hari- hari sakitku, aku merasa tidak tenang. Sering gelisah. Sakitku tidak menampakkkan ura- ura hendak berkurangan. Akhirnya ku membuat keputusan, aku ingin berjumpa dengan ustaz. Aku ingin ustaz memaafkanku. Aku tak perlukan markah atau satu lagi peluang. Aku hanya harapkan kemaafan ustaz. Aku merasakan diri ini sungguh hina.

Pagi hari Isnin, ustaz berada di dalam pejabat. Berdebar- debar rasanya ingin berjumpa dengan ustaz. Ya Allah, bantulah hambamu ini. "Ustaz, saya nak minta maaf sebab......" Ustaz mengangguk dan berkata,' takpe, takpe...' Rasanya seperti satu bebanan besar telah ku tampung. Sakitku juga sudah semakin berkurangan. Aku tidak tahu bagaimana harus ku melihat perkara ini. Tetapi hatiku tetap tidak akan tenang tanpa kemaafan ustaz.

Tuhan telah memberikanku satu ketenangan yang sukar untuk ku gambarkan. Semasa dalam proses sembuh, damai sering terasa di hati. Aku yakin ini ialah aura Ramadhan yang semakin hampir. Ku menghitung hari, akhirnya tibalah malam pertama. Puas rasanya bertarawih di masjid. Harap- harap ku dapat istiqamah menunaikan solat tarawih dan juga dapat menampung dugaan peperiksaan.

Terima kasih atas mesej dan ucapan dari sahabat- sahabat. Ramadhan kareem buat semua. Ciptalah sejarah di bulan ini. Ciptalah kenangan yang paling manis. Ku juga ingin memohon maaf atas setiap kesalahanku.

Do'a malaikat Jibril menjelang Ramadhan, "Ya Allah tolong abaikan puasa umat Muhammad, apabila sebelum memasuki bulan Ramadhan dia tidak melakukan hal-hal yang berikut:

* Tidak memohon maaf terlebih dahulu kepada kedua orang tuanya (jika masih ada)
* Tidak berma'afan terlebih dahulu antara suami isteri
* Tidak bermaafan terlebih dahulu dengan orang-orang sekitarnya."

Maka Rasulullah pun mengatakan Amin sebanyak 3 kali. Dapatkah kita bayangkan, yang berdo'a adalah Malaikat dan yang meng-aminkan adalah
Rasullulah dan para sahabat, dan dilakukan pada hari Jumaat.

Rasulullah bersabda: Permulaan Ramadhan itu adalah rahmat, pertengahannya adalah keampunan( maghfirah) dan penghujungnya adalah kebebasan dari api neraka.

Ramadhan.. Gandakan amalan..

Just For You.

2009-08-14T16:26:00.006+08:00

It's been really hard for me the first time I know about the changes in you. I couldn't help myself. It's really disturbing. I kept thinking about you. How on earth am I gonna change you? I keep acccusing myself. I couldn't spend more time with you. I'm studying. I don't know who is the guilty person here? What exactly went wrong? What exactly changed you? It is because you are not satisfied about something? Or you really don't know about the negatives that you've been doing?

For the first time, I really couldn't accept what you're doing. But I keep telling myself that you're going through the process in your life. So I just accept what you're doing even though deep inside my heart I really against it. I've known you for a long time. But this person, this is just not you. Where are you actually? Why have you been doing this? Where is your senses? Couldn't you differentiate the bad and the wrong?

I know that you're not getting any better. But I just hope you are still being sensible. But you are not. You keep doing something that really hurt me. It really hurts. Everytime I know new things about you it is all the negatives. I've been wondering. This is crazy. Where is your iman? Why you keep hurting the one you love. The people who is near you? What is your motive? You want to be popular? You want to try everything? Let me tell you. You are really stupid. You are destroying yourself. Why am I saying this? I really love you. I know far better than you. You are just someone who doesn't think really far. I love you for the fact that I really hate you. I hate your bad heart but I love your being.

Now I wanna ask you. Till when do these bad things gonna continue? No, it is not continuing. It is getting worst. Do you wanna die while doing all these things? I really beg you. I keep thinking about you, where is the real you? I really miss the real you. The one who is so sweet to everyone. But I want you to know that God will not change your fate until you change it yourself. I'm willing to sacrifice to change you. But you never let me help you. I've been dying to see the new you. Why do you have to follow people? Don't you have your own standing? Why do you have to do all those things? Do you know why Allah created us? For being a slave to him. But you? You are a slave that are against his orders. Why? Just why?

Ramadhan is coming. I really hope you could make the best out of it. Supplicate to Allah to forgive all your sins. There is a path for you to turn back. Please turn back. I still see the light. It is just in front of you. Please repent before it is too late. Just stop what you're doing and turn back. Have a good start. Please. I will accuse myself for my whole life if I couldn't save you from this destruction. Your wrongdoings will influence the person near you. This problem will be very serious if someone takes after your habit.

I beg you. There is a path for you to repend. To turn back. I could guide you. I will never leave you.

Serikandi Islam, itukah aku?

2009-08-01T11:38:00.003+08:00

Tepat pada jam 11:27, handphone-ku memberi amaran bahawa satu mesej dari nombor yang tidak dikenali telah masuk ke dalam inbox-ku. Hmm, siapa agaknya? Ada apa, ye? Mesejnya berbunyi: "Salam ke atasmu, pejuang agama Allah. Moga dilindungi ALLAH, jika ada yang bertanya kenapa berjuang itu pahit? Katakanlah kerana syurga itu manis". Di hujung mesej ini, tertera nama penghantarnya. Ooo, Serikandi Islam. Beliau ialah seorang ukhti yang aku anggapnya sebagai Serikandi Islam. Semangatnya dalam mensyiarkan Islam tidak dapat ditandingi.

Aku berfikir sejenak. Aku berada di tahap proses yang keberapa dalam usaha perjuangan ini? Tidak pasti sama ada sudah melepasi garisan permulaan ataupun masih terkontang- kanting di garisan permulaan. Tidak mengapa, yang pasti aku tidak akan menoleh kebelakang. Aku akan berpegang dengan i'timadku sesabit yang boleh. Melakukan caraku yang tersendiri. Sekiranya aku merasa ragu- ragu, aku mempunyai sumber rujukanku: ayah.

Aku menerima e-mel dari seorang sahabat mengenai syahidnya Marwa al- Sharbi. Siapakah itu? Menurut sumber dari e-mel itu, Allayarhamah Marwa baru sahaja pulang ke rahmatullah baru- baru ini kerana mempertahankan jilbabnya. Ibu satu anak yang sedang mengandung 3 bulan telah ditikam sebanyak 18 kali. Mungkin aku tidak dapat memastikan kesasihan berita ini. Tetapi ia sedikit sebanyak memberi kesedaran kepadaku. Allayarhamah meninggal kerana mempertahankan jilbabnya. Aku, apa yang aku pertahankan? Hendak menegur muslimah yang tidak memakai sarung kaki pon seperti ada batu besar dalam mulut.

Esok pagi pukul 4 akan diadakan qiyamullail perdana. Aku diantara AhliJawatanKuasa- nya. Doakan semuanya akan berjalan dengan lancar dan yang paling penting sekali aku dapat bangun sebelum pukul 4. (: Inilah salah satu kelemahan kita, kita boleh bangun seawal 2 atau 3 pagi untuk menyiapkan tugasan yang ingin dihantar hatta tidak tidur pon. Tetapi apabila jam berbunyi setengah jam lebih awal sebelum azan subuh berkumandang, jemari kita dengan mudahnya memberhentikan jam loceng itu dan kembali ke alam mimpi. Astaghfirullah, kalau sudah terbangun waktu tu, memang teramat rugi untuk sambung tidur. Pahala tahajjud sudah menanti, tetapi kita tolak mentah- mentah. Ruginya. Lebih rugi lagi jika kita terlajak dan bangun Subuh bila matahari hampir menampakkan sinarnya. Pesanan ini aku tujukan khas untuk diriku dan juga pembaca sekalian amnya.

Sebagai penutup, marilah kita saling mendoakan kesejahteraan umat Islam dan doakan agar diriku diberi kelapangan waktu untuk terus menulis kerana yang sebenarnya aku sudah mencuri waktu tugasanku kerana ingin menulis bingkisan ini.

P.S.: Selamat berangkat diucapkan kepada Tholibul'ilm yang akan berangkat ke Mesir malam ini. Semoga berjaya dalam kehidupan ini dan semoga Allah merahmati kalian. Ingatlah bahawa kalian berada di landasan fi sabilillah. Ikhlaskan hati.

Rabbi Ya Rabbi Ya Rabbi Sallimnaa Ya Raaabb Ya Raaabb.

Halaqah Cinta.

2009-07-24T18:08:00.008+08:00

Tuhan, rindunya. Rindunya dengan ayah ibu, kakak, Mujahid dan Uwais Qarni sayang. InsyaAllah, kita akan jumpa lagi. Syawal nanti.

Alhamdulillah. Persoalan telah terjawab. Di mana? Di halaqah Cinta. Terima kasih, Tuhan. Mungkin sekarang masanya untuk aku bangun dan sedar. Setiap persoalan pasti ada jawapannya. Aku harus sudah mula berfikir tentang masa depanku. Apa sumbanganku kepada negara? Masyarakat? Keluarga? Dan terutamanya AGAMA? Muslihatunnafs harus bangun. Islam memerlukan wanita Islam untuk menegakkan syiarnya.

Ukt Halaqah Cinta pesan, sekarang bukan masanya untuk mencintai ajnabi. Hati seorang muslimah, terutama sekali mereka yang masih menuntut ilmu, hanyalah untuk Tuhan, untuk Nabi, untuk ibu bapa dan keluarga. Tapi tidak dinafikan itulah dugaan hari ini, PERGAULAN. Hadapinya dengan kesabaran, itulah topik yang naqibahku minta supaya ku jelaskan. Kak Naqibah: "Zunairah, boleh?" Apa yang dapat dirumuskan ialah Islam menyuruh kita menjaga batas- batas pergaulan. Itulah sabar dengan ketaatan (1). Nafsu kita yang ingin sahaja berbual kosong dengan lelaki dengan apa jua cara harus dikengkang. Itulah sabar dengan kemaksiatan (2). MasyaAllah, memang sudah jelas segalanya.

Hidup kita ini hanyalah untukNya. Memang keranaNya. Oleh itu, apa yang harus dirungsingkan? Apa yang dilakukan hanyalah untukNya dan keranaNya. Jika itu menjadi 'guideline' kita sepanjang hidup ini pasti tiada apa yang perlu dikesalkan. Inna mahyaaya wa mamaati lillahi rabbil'alamin.

Ketiga, sabar dengan kenikmatan. Untuk mendapat kebaikan dan kenikmatan juga perlukan kesabaran. Perkara ini memang lumrah bagi semua mahasiswa. Manisnya kejayaan tidak akan digapai tanpa 1001 pahitnya usaha. Keempat, sabar dengan malapetaka dan ujian. Hidup di dunia ini memang tidak lekang dari ujian. Goyah saja iman bila ditimpa malapetaka. Salahkan takdir, salahkan Tuhan. Na'uzubillah. Tapi, kita tidak sedar semuanya untuk memperbaiki iman dan sudah tentu ada hikmah di sebaliknya.

Hujung minggu ini bolehlah ku manfaatkan waktu sebaiknya. Bolehlah aku baca buku. Sibuk dengan persatuan dan program tidak memberikanku kesempatan untuk pegang buku pun. Ya Allah. Aku harus sedar, apa matlamat utama aku berada di KUIS? Tholabul'ilm. Hujung minggu lepas ialah minggu konvokesyen. Tahniah diucapkan kepada para graduan! Barakallahu fik. Anda semua telah meraih segulung ijazah. Bestnya! Giliranku dan kawan- kawan? 2 tahun lagi. Tidak lama lagi tahun 2011 bakal menjelma.

Perbualan dengan kakak timbalan pengerusi tengah hari tadi sedikit sebanyak mengajarku. Matlamatku, masa depanku. Sebelum itu, ada seorang siswa datang dan membahasakan dirinya 'abang' kepadaku dan kakak timbalan. Selesai perbualan...
Zunairah: Setahu saya abang tu lagi muda dari akak kan..
Kakak: Aah.. Akak dah 25 tahun..
Z: 25? Tapi tak nampak macam 25 pon..
K: Yeke.. Tak nampak eh..
Z: Akak dah 25.. Bila nak kahwin?
K: Belum ada calon lg.. Lepas ini nak sambung master.. Mungkin dalam 29 gitu..
Z: Huh? 29? Lamanya..

Kawan- kawan, mendirikan baitul muslim memang nampak mudah. Tapi yang tersiratnya, banyak perkara yang perlu kita ambil peduli. Umur bukanlah menjadi ukurannya. Kewangan ialah satu kemestian. Tetapi yang penting kematangan dan agama kita. Kita tidak perlu fikirkan semua ini. Kan sudah azali lagi, ini semua sudah ditetapkan. Lelaki yang baik untuk perempuan yang baik. Perempuan yang baik untuk lelaki yang baik.

Percayalah, masa kita kan tiba untuk membina zaujiyah karimah. Tapi yang pasti sekarang bukan masanya. Mantapkan ilmu, iman dan amal. Wallahu'alam.

Hijrah Satu Perubahan.

2009-07-15T01:52:00.003+08:00

Terlalu banyak persoalan bermain di fikiranku. Ku tertanya- tanya, kenapa baru sekarang semua hendak berlaku. Aku sibuk, aku punya tanggungjawab yang ingin diselesaikan. Aku punya tugasan sebagai seorang mahasiswa. Ini bukan masanya. Tetapi aku silap jika aku biarkan semua ini menjadi tanda tanya. Tapi apakan dayaku, aku sendiri kebingungan.

Proses ini sungguh merunsingkan. Aku menjadi tidak menentu. Tetapi sebenarnya aku sedang melangkah satu langkah ke hadapan. Itulah sebabnya mengapa persoalan ini meluru masuk ke dalam mindaku. Kadang- kadang aku merasakan bahawa jawapannya telah ku genggam tetapi tiba- tiba ia hilang entah ke mana.

Sebenarnya jawapan itu akan mudah dicari jika aku telah sabit pada pendirianku. Pendirianku kukuh tapi belum sepenuhnya. Sifat manusia dan diriku sendiri sering hampir merobohkan pendirian itu. Sekarang, beritahuku, di mana punca pangkalnya? Diri ku sendiri. Aku yang sedang dalam proses perubahan. Perubahan yang cukup serius. Hormati pendirianku. Pendirianku tidak pernah dicampuri dengan perkara samar- samar, aku cukup pantang tentang itu.

Aku yakin, masanya akan tiba. Aku akan mengerti semuanya dan aku akan redha dengannya. Ku mohon bantuan Tuhan untuk menolongku dalam ini. Pengalaman sedikit sebanyak telah menjadi elemen dalam pencarianku ini.

Wahai dunia yang fana, pergilah jauh dariku jika engkau hanya mahu merapuhkan imanku.

The time has come.

2009-05-04T01:19:00.005+08:00

It's time to leave. That's the only reason, time.

Even so, I have my own other reasons.

My Rabb, this is the path to become a Khalifah.

My commitment, it's the amanah I have to fulfill.

My youth, this is the best time to gain more knowledge.

My journey, I have to continue the journey of seeking knowledge.

My standing, my standing need to be firmed with more discovery.

My goal, I'm not reaching the goal. It is not the end.

Myself, I'm just a lady who is thirsty for Ilm.

It's just the time to enjoy the biah islamiah again which I keep missing here, in my country (:

Ku hamba lemah.

2009-05-03T00:18:00.012+08:00

Seumur hidupku, tidak pernah terdetik di hatiku untuk melangkah ke istana buatan manusia. Namun, Allah telah memberiku peluang untuk menjejakkan kaki ke sana. Tetapi ku tertanya- tanya, adakah peluang untukku menjejakkan kaki ke istana buatanMu, Tuhan?

إلهي لست للفردوس أهلا، ولا أقوى على النار الجحيم

Tuhanku, ku tidak layak ke syurgaMu. Namun, tidak pula ku sanggup ke nerakaMu. Jadikanlah ia zikir harian anda! Moga kita semua terselamat dari api neraka. Amin.

Dilemma.

2009-04-27T22:43:00.011+08:00

One more week left before I depart to Selangor. Academic week haven't started yet but I have something on. Few days ago my mother has just learnt that, if not for my awaiting responsibilities I won't be going back two weeks early. It just occured to me that I am needed in the house.

Being a student, responsibility is what people expected of us. Being a sister, I have a responsibility towards my brothers. Being a slave to Allah, I just know that responsibility is the same as amanah. As much as I can, I would make the responsibility as my priority.

I am very sad to say that I can't fulfill my responsibility as a sister. I just don't have the heart to leave both my brothers study by themselves during the examination. Even when I'm not sure about a topic and I can't teach it to my brother, I already felt miserable. It's just that my brothers deserve the best from their sister.

I could not deny it that I've been trying my best to be a faci. I know the process promises a lot of value-added that I somehow need it. It is just for me. At the same time, I neglected to think about the others. It just strucked me recently, how could I be so vain. I know I just have to keep realising.

See, we humans especially me are just so incomplete with 1001 flaws. All I know is that we shouldn't stop thinking and realising. I also believe that a true friend is the one who keeps correcting us. I am reminding each and everyone of us that nobody is perfect. Back to responsibility, I am thankful that Allah has made me realise all along that responsibility is like a burden. We have our responsibilities towards Allah and so to other people and organisations.

آية المنافق ثلاثة: إذا حدث كذب، وإذا وعد أخلف، وإذا اؤتمن خان

And so I believe responsibility is no joke. It could be as important as Salah. Just think, why would we be categorised as Munafiq if we abandoned our responsibilities. Ten years from now, if you ask me, responsibility still find its way to be my topmost priority. Could be in ten years to come, my child is my responsibility. And it could be one of the biggest responsibility. I pray to God to not let me fail it. As to have a pious child(anak soleh) is my all time dream.

Utterly disappointed.

2009-04-24T10:48:00.005+08:00

I never thought before that reading the newspaper or watching the news somehow could make me feel angry. I don't understand, where does Islam lie right now? Are you satisfied with only some of the Islamic Jurisprudence that had been applied now? Just where are the responsible men? Why do they do nothing? Do they feel that they have no authorities to take actions regarding Muslims' welfare? Do they even think of it? This is a serious matter and they will be ask about it. If now not, the Hereafter will see to it. Really, I'm NOT against the organisation but all this time I've been thinking that this organisation is not improving, and I'm really disappointed. People have always rely onto this organisation over Islamic matters but it just stay still.

NEWS #1
It is about the IR that is doing very well. The news concluded that the Casino will need workers and the workers should be at the age 17 and up. That's it. 17 and up, even a Muslim could jolly well go into it. I just couldn't believe it! Why there have been no action to prevent Muslims from going into it so far? Get this right, Islam is NOT about halal and haram in food only. People get so tight up regarding food but does this mean they don't have to care about other forbidden things? How could they be so uneven with Islam? On one time, you really care about Halal and Haram but on other time, you just couldn't differentiate it. Why? Just why?

If this matter stays up this way, I'm not afraid to say that the Muslim teenagers will someday find their way into the Casino. Some of the Muslim teenagers' behaviour have been a worry to us thinkers now even without the Casino. It might be too late before you realise it. The teenagers might just be a Muslim by their name only. Welcome to the secular world, where Islam is just a dust in in the eyes of some.

NEWS #2
It is about your favourite Datuk Siti. Some people dislike her recent image where she covered her head and neck on one shot and revealed it in the other. Datuk Siti said that she will eventually cover her head and neck fully but it will take time. I hope she will get Hidayah sooner or later. The part that really made me furious is when it is said that some of her fans love to see her scarfless and it is better if Datuk Siti leaves it that way. I just wanna ask the die-hard fans, you may love Datuk Siti to be seen scarfless, but do you want to carry the sins of immotivating someone doing a good deeds? Perhaps you guys may have forgotten, the head and neck are not halal to be seen by anyone except the Mahram and there is no rukhsah in it.

NEWS #3
It is in Berita Harian. Let me translate it for you.
"The Muslims in Singapore realised that the construction of new mosques is part of the project of Dana Pembangunan Masjid that have been subsidied with Muslim workers' salary through CPF."
So, is this realisation enough? People know in and out about the construction of mosques, where the money came from and some of the related things. Let's see, the mosques in Singapore are increasing and some of them are getting a better look. So why do people still reluctant to go to the mosques? Don't you find it such a waste building something so beautiful but it is deserted? Oh ya, only during Jumaat prayers people visit the mosques. But put in mind, we have abandoned the mosques the other six days.

I want to apologise if these matters however tingle your sensitivity. I just want the Muslims to open their eyes wide. 'Islam is the way of life' just doesn't suit some of the Muslims as they prefer it to be 'secular is the way of life'. I'm not making a fuss over small things, as you think. But this is a very serious matter. It is between Halal and Haram except the third matter, I must say. As a Muslim and a student of Islamic Jurisprudence, these are something that ought to have some concerns. These are something related to you of being a Muslim. Surely you don't want to put a blind eye on it.

Satu perjuangan.

2009-04-17T22:51:00.004+08:00

Assalamu'alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.
Kali ini ana ingin berkongsi dialog perbualan ana dengan seorang sahabat, Aspirasi Mujahidah, hampir dua minggu yang lalu.

Zunairah: skrg tinggal 1 bulan je sblm alek Kuis..
Aspirasi Mujahidah: yeah.. hm.. sedih ader hepi pun ader..
Zunairah: tk sedeh tk hepi.. tk tau nk rase ape..
Aspirasi Mujahidah: ouh..k ana faham..
Zunairah: yg pasti.. perjuangan dalam mencari ilmu mesti diteruskan..
Aspirasi Mujahidah: yeah.. trskn b'juang.. n uat ms ni ana tujukan lagu satu p'juangan utk ant..
Zunairah: thank you.. ana bukak lagu tu jap..

Ana terus melungsur lelaman Imeem untuk mencari lagu berkenaan. Tanpa ana sedari, sebaik sahaja lagu itu dimainkan air mata ana mula mengalir. Lagu itu mengingatkan ana pada waktu orientasi sebagai mahasiswa baru di KUIS. Ana bagai tidak percaya bahawa semua itu telah setahun berlalu. Banyak perkara yang telah berlaku yang cukup memberi pengajaran kepada diri ana yang dhaif ini. Lebih mengharukan ialah ukhuwah di antara kita sepuluh sepanjang perjalanan mencari ilmu ini. Sahabat- sahabat ana ini ialah pembakar semangat bagi ana dan sanggup berdiri di belakang ketika ana menghadapi kesukaran.

Ana tidak mahu melayan tangisan ana sepanjang mendengar lagu itu. Tetapi air mata itu mengalir sekali lagi apabila lagu itu sampai pada bait
"Rintangan pasti melanda
Jangan undur walau selangkah
Teruskan perjuangan
Hingga ke akhirnya
Andai kau gugur
Andai kau syahid
Kau diredhai-Nya".

Ya, sudah tentu ana ingin menjadi syahid. Lebih- lebih lagi syahid fi sabilillah, sebagai Tholibul'ilmi. Betapa besar rahmat Tuhan kepada mereka yang selalu berada di jalan-Nya. Ya Tuhan, jadikanlah hatiku terpaut padaMu, setiap waktu, setiap detik. Amin.

Oleh itu pembaca sekalian, ana ingin pula menghadiahkan lagu ini kepada antum semua. Ingat, perjuangan kita sebagai Khalifah Allah di muka bumi ini belum selesai selagi kita masih bernyawa.

Satu Perjuangan - Brothers

Jika antum ingin menanyakan ana sekali lagi apakah perasaan ana menjelang hampirnya sesi akademik 09/10, ana masih tidak pasti. Yang pasti, perjuangan dalam mencari ilmu mesti diteruskan. (=

Your name, please?

2009-04-15T22:19:00.006+08:00

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "On the Day of Resurrection, you will be called by your names and by your fathers' names, so give yourselves good names." (Hadith Abu Dawud).

This naming thingy is never my flaw. I just love to know people's names and get really excited over a beautiful name. But the truth is, I don't really know the real meaning of my name. I just know that it is a Sahabiah's name and I'm just thankful about it. Some people also asked me whether 'Zinnirah' and 'Zunairah' have the same meaning.

Fortunately, I came across a website for Muslims' names recently and thought of searching the meaning of my name. It turns out 'Zinneerah' means 'Name of a sahabiah' and 'Zunairah' means 'Flower found in paradise'. Good enough, Alhamdulillah.

So, care to know the meaning of your name or just feast your eyes with thousands of beautiful names? Just click here.

Enthusiastic, I continued from the meaning to the story of a Sahabiah named Zunairah on other websites.

First source: Zunairah was a female slave of Banu Makhzoom. Abu Jahl beat her so cruelly that she lost her eyesight. He used to point to her and say, ‘Had Islam been true, how could she have embraced it while we have failed to recognize its truth?’

Second source: Harithah bint Al Muammil, the sister of Umm-Ubais who was known as Zunairah Al Romiyah, was a slave girl. She was among the earliest believers in Islam and was one of those women who were tortured for their faith. Abu Jahal used to beat her severely; so did Umar before he embraced Islam. After embracing Islam the poor woman suffered so much torture that she lost her sight. The Meccan polytheists used that misfortune as an excuse for stigmatizing her for embracing Islam. They, used to say, "al Lat and Al Uzza (two deities which the Meccans used to worship in the holy Kaba) have rendered you blind". But she would always say, "They are lying, by the truth of God these idols bring no benefit nor harm." She ultimately recovered her sight.

The real Zunairah during our prophet's time is a strong believer. I hope Allah will give me her strength. I am very touched with these findings.

Meanwhile, I welcome all of you to the Islamic Info AND discover a book titled " Muhammad: Seal of the Prophets".

Where's the true Muslimah?

2009-04-13T22:22:00.004+08:00

When I was blog- hopping last week, I came across a conversation in a tagboard that really caught my attention. It isn't exactly a conversation but it is a some sort of argument. Not a good argument. And when this concerns a personality of a muslim, I've thought of sharing this. It all started with an anonymous who was saying that he/she pity the blog owner for being a bad muslimah. People may have concluded that this stranger is a non-muslim. But I strongly believe he/she is a muslim.

Firstly, I've got no objection if this stranger wanted to make this blog- owner realise what Islam expected of their believers. But he/she however said a bad word (bull****). Come on, you want to make people realise of what they are doing but you just don't mirror yourself.

Second, a friend of this blog owner (let her be 'A') thanked the stranger for knocking some sense into them. But another girl 'B' became too emotional just couldn't take it and accused the stranger for being a busybody. She also used the 'F' word.

My comment: This stranger have made the situation tense enough by using a bad word. A very bad way of Dakwah. 'B' on the other hand has the right to be angry but she however forgot about her being a Muslimah. Either way, I don't find both of them did what Islam expected of their believers, really.

My mother.

2009-04-08T22:30:00.014+08:00

I have one standing that I will hold on to until the end of my life. I believe that even if I do a lot of good deeds such as reading the Quran and do the Zikr, something still left out. And that is everything related to my mother. I know I will never get to repay what my mother has done to me from the day I was inside her womb until now. All I know is that I just have to do anything as long as it makes my mother feel at ease. I will try to be useful to her. And most importantly, I will try not to hurt her feelings. It's not that I always disrespect her, it's just that I'm a teenager who gets mood swings once at a time and it gets my poor mother.

I used to be a hot- tempered girl. In fact, I'm still now. My father had told me many times to control my temper, and I'm getting better at it. This temper doesn't really exist whenever I'm with my friends but sometimes to no avail. And I'm trying to be more patience day by day. After all, patience is a part of Iman.

All this time during the holiday, I've been controlling my temper. So far so good. It is because I used to get angry whenever I was teaching my youngest brother. The temper just came and it ended up into shouting and a feeling of regret. So during this holiday, I will teach him patiently and even if I have to be strict, just a firm teaching will do.

But one day, I just couldn't control my temper anymore and let it all out. The reason: My mother.

This boy is rather cute, right? But he's in secondary one now and really needs someone to teach him some manners.

All this time, during my stay at home, I just watched his behaviour. What really made me mad is his attitude towards my mother. He's been ignorant to my mother. Always disagree with her. Talk with an angry tone and the worst is that whenever my mother asked him something when he was back from school, he just answered it insincerely or just walked away. I sometimes just called his name in a warning tone to make him realise what he just did or just asked him, 'why are you always like that?'.

You see, I was trying to control my temper until that once. It all happened when this brother of mine just put a cup that he had been drinking from onto a table. Maybe some of you may have been thinking, there's nothing wrong putting a cup onto the table. I tell you what's wrong.

My mother had been doing all the housechores. The never-ending chores, cleaning the house, cooking, washing, hanging, ironing, and folding the clothes, wiping the window and is always making sure everything is alright. She never even complain. Why it is so hard to wash the cup? I asked my brother. Really, I was in rage.

When I asked him that, he said he will do it later. Oh please, soon when my mother comes out of the toilet she will wash the cup straightly. Being a hot- tempered girl really made this situation an easy one. I just pulled his shirt and took him to the kitchen to wash the cup. He eventually did it. Oh no dear boy, that was not the end of it. Unfortunately for him, that time was his study time with me. So, instead of starting the lesson, I gave him a good 2o minutes solid scolding. I just have to be harsh at times. 'Nasihat dengan penuh hikmah' just doesn't work out for this growing-up teenager.

These are what I emphasised in the scolding:

1- Our mother is not a maid. Why couldn't you(my brother) do something to lessen her burden?
2- Can you please stop being an ignorant? Can you talk to her nicely?
3- What's the use of being a genius even if you don't know to treat your mother nicely?
4- You're nothing to me if you are excellent in your studies but at the same time being rude to your mother.
5- I've rather you fail in your exams than being rude to her.
6- Whatever you do, just think, is your mother happy with what you're up to?
7- No matter how many good deeds we do to our mother we just couldn't repay 100% of hers. Instead of showing a good attitude towards your mother, you add the burden on her.
8- Do you ever think that what you did all this while somehow hurt her?
9- I do really love my friends, but I love you more. I want you to be a good boy.
10- How if you are destined to die in the near time to come? Just how? How many times have you invite the anger of Allah for being tactless to a person who had given birth to you?

The lecture ended with tears shimmering down his cheeks. Good. I purposely said some of it louder so the other brother could just hear. Really, if you have me as a big sister, I'm just not letting you off. I want you to be a better person. I think of you more often, how to make you become an angel. I know, caning is just not suitable for these two brothers of mine. They are already teenagers. All I can do is just talk. I choose not to give up.

So there you have it. A strong standing, huh? I don't really care if some people call me ignorant and rude baselessly. But of course, I do have feelings. But what really concerns me is how I react towards my mother. I wasn't trying to be the apple of her eyes. I'm just trying to do some justice. I just want to make her happy. But most importantly, I will be ask of my responsibilities towards my mother on the Judgement Day.

I know I just can't repay her good deeds, but I know I could ask Allah to give her and my father the best place in the Hereafter, Jannah, the paradise. And give them the crowns that carry a brighter light than the sun. It is true. Allah promises that.

Happy advanced Mothers' Day, Ibu!

Oh Allah, please protect both of them from bad deeds.

Signed,
a sister and a daughter

One beautiful bride.

2009-04-06T21:31:00.003+08:00

Salam, people.
I've lost counts of how many times I went to wedding receptions. I have always love going to the receptions. And there's always something I'm hoping to see there. But basically, I never decline any invitations because I know Islam asks us to accept the invitations if we have no serious excuse.

First, what makes it exciting is that, I got to eat. Secondly, I've got to enjoy the rituals and all. Third, I've got to see the oh-so-beautiful-bride. And this is very true. So, yeah, kak Shida is very beautiful, to begin with.

I have nothing to say for this one beautiful bride except to wish her a long lasting and a happiest marriage. May Allah bless you, kak Shida.=))

So there it is, marriage is also one of the happiness that Allah showers to his slave. It is also a starting of a journey to gain a lot of rewards from Allah.

Our First Anniversary.

2009-04-03T16:19:00.004+08:00

Salam.
One month or so to go it's gonna be a year since we first met in the same class.

I just adore you all, my DSPI.
There's no difference between me and you all except our citizenship.

CORRECTION: There's no difference between us all except our Taqwa level.
"لا فرق بين عربي وعجمي الا بالتقوى"

"ان اكرمكم عند الله اتقكم"

Let's just say that the Taqwa that differentiates us in the eyes of Allah, no matter how many things that we have in common. Which is better: A good person in the eyes of Allah OR a good person in the eyes of people?

You decide.

You can succeed in your examination with flying colours. How about on the Judgement Day and the questions in the grave?

So let's repent and increase our amal.=))

Bored?

2009-03-31T22:08:00.003+08:00

Salam, love!

I can't deny that I do feel bored sometimes. I just can't. Moreover with the holidays. But holidays are fine alright. Why do we feel bored? Easy. Why do I feel bored? My answer is 'I just couldn't find anything that excites me.' But I'm wrong. Just wrong. Think again. Saidina Umar Alkhattab said, 'kamu tidak akan gundah kalau kamu tahu apa yang dicari.'

So why do people have to be bored at the first place? Come on. Just set your mind. What is your aim in this life? Go for it. Be it to be the happiest person on earth or just satisfied with your desired career. In that case, I believe the word 'bored' or anything comes from its root word will be remove permanently from your life dictionary. Go and construct your life map. Write down what you really want to achieve in ten years to come. It's never too early. I've done mine last year. What are you waiting for? =))

So everytime whenever I feel bored, I will tell myself that I actually have something to do. And it will get me back on my feet. But I would really want to share the reality of this life. Everyone wants to succeed in their life, duniawi or ukhrawi. Let me ask you. What is the key of success? Live your day with Al-Quran and As-Sunnah. You can do anything regarding your schoolworks and all. But never ever forget to live up the Al-Quran and As- Sunnah. It is said that whoever live up the As-sunnah during the fahsya' and munkar( one of the last generations) he will get a reward as many as 100 syahid.

We are in the modern world, we have to get on with our life. Even Islam doesn't forbid us to do anything duniawi. We just have to keep in mind as to not pass the barrier. As much as we can, increase our good deeds. Islam also doesn't force us to sit in the masjid for 24 hours. But as a Muslim, we should realise that the world is just a lie.

I read from a book about the world. It is said that Allah really hates the world. Allah never look at the world again the moment He created it. Whether it is true or not, just remember that during the Hereafter we will be asked about our deeds. So just take what are necessary and leave those unncessary behind. Whatever you do, do it for Allah. You will get the rewards all the way.

Still bored? Find the love of Allah. And share it with me.

Small thing, big wonder.

2009-03-24T23:56:00.005+08:00

Salam.

I've been thinking this morning of what to update. I just wanna blog about my personal thoughts and not taking from any articles. It's just that I found people tend to read when we write about our personal thoughts. But that doesn't mean just any thoughts. Of course, I want to share something that made me realise wonderly and that must have something got to do with Islam. After all, that's the underlying reason of the existence of the blog. It's all about dakwah, dakwah and dakwah. Just that.

So dear readers, I've realised something today or maybe that something somehow knocked into me some sense. Let's start it with my waiting at the bus slot no. 79. Sadly, though, my mother and I missed the latest bus. So there were we, waiting for another one. It's half an hour, mind you. And its really tests my patience. So here's the best part: This test of waiting the bus is the test that Allah tried on me. Alhamdulillah I succeeded without having to complain. BUT this is only a small test compared to other tests.

But how small this test of waiting the bus is, there are other sub-tests also creeping behind it. First, it really tests our patience so as to not give up waiting for it. Secondly, maybe for some people, they may have been throwing some bad words by then. Muttering something about losing hope in Allah. This could lead to Suuzzhan towards Allah. Na'uzubillah. Third, for some Muslims who couldn't control their desire, they will start munching something by that time, standing. By doing this, they have left one of the Sunnahs of our prophet.

See?

Move on, when the other bus came (not what I've been waiting for), people boarded the bus. I believe some of them must have at least a sign of relieve. Yeah, sitting in the bus is better than lining up. When I was watching the people boarding the bus, something strucked me. What is it, you ask. The waiting for my desired bus to come is not really long, to be exact. Logically it doesn't even take a day. But the waiting during the judgement day is far too long. We have to wait for our turn to be judge of our deeds in this filthy world. Waiting with body covered with sweat. Oh Allah, save us from the hell fire.

So I think the malay quote 'penantian itu satu penyiksaan' is better to be refer to the long waiting in the judgement day rather than the meaning of waiting for someone special, I suppose.

That was not it, I would like to share one more thing with you all without the means of complaining alright. Someone was being scolded this evening, it wasn't a scolding actually. Just a talk with angry tone, a bit of accusing, this is wrong and that is wrong. I was there and couldn't go anywhere. What did I do? I kept my mouth shut all the way until the scolding finished. I'm not going to answer anything because the angry person is older than me.

During the scolding or being scolded, I realised that zipping our mouth is the best solution unless you really need to say something. Angry person sometimes doesn't mean what he says. He just wants to talk his heart out. His fiery heart. And as you know, an angry man is not in his normal state. So, let him be. He will stop when he is satisfied. This is just a theory that I made myself. But come to think of it, it is better isn't it? No fighting or rudeness will occur. Everything will go smoothly back to normal.

Just remember one thing, 'assukuutu dzahab walkalaamu fiddhah'. Silent is gold whereas to talk is compare with silver. Definitely the gold is better.

I came to the end of this post. I need to emphasise here that all what I've written is the ilham from Allah to be shared with all of you who wants to be a better slave day by day. I seek Allah's forgiveness if there's anything wrong here, I'm still learning.

Apa yang penting?

2009-03-22T22:54:00.004+08:00

Salam dan semoga berada dalam rahmat Allah hendaknya. Amin.

Kali ini ana tidak akan kupas tentang isu- isu semasa tetapi tentang sesuatu perkara yang jarang diperbualkan. Ana minta maaf terlebih dahulu jika perkara ini menyentuh sensitiviti mana- mana pihak. Tetapi ini semua tidak lain dan tidak bukan ialah untuk kesedaran semua sepertimana perkara ini baru sahaja menyedarkan ana yang amat sedikit ilmunya.

Sahabat- sahabat sekalian, sesuatu perkara yang sampai kepada kita tidak boleh kita menolaknya dan tidak pula kita harus menerima dan menggenggamnya seratus peratus. Tetapi ini yang sedang ana lakukan, ana mengaku. Ana menerima suatu perkara itu dari rakan- rakan dan terus mengamalkannya. Ana terima kerana perkara ini telah didampingi bersama dalil dan fatwa seorang syeikh. Tetapi ana tidak pernah terfikir adakah perkara yang ana lakukan disetujui oleh Nabi kita? Adakah Nabi kita menggalakkan perkara ini? Dan terbukti dalam sejarah Nabi kita tidak pernah lakukan perkara ini.

Lantas, kenapa saya dan sahabat- sahabat terus melakukan perkara ini? Maaf, kerana saya harus merahsiakan apakah sebenarnya perkara ini untuk mengelakkan kekacauan. Tetapi apa sebenarnya yang saya ingin bawakan di sini ialah: Sebelum kita menerima sesuatu perkara/ fatwa dari syeikh tertentu, kita harus selidik adakah perkara ini berasaskan mazhab yang kita pegangi.

Walaupun satu kesimpulan yang dikeluarkan itu sungguh benar dan menyondong ke arah kebaikan. Tetapi kita harus fikir, perkara ini sedikit sebanyak akan mengundang kesan sampingan yang tidak diambil kisah. Kita harus mengetahui punca berlaku sesuatu perkara dan berusaha untuk memperbaiki diri sendiri. Ini lebih baik dari mengeluarkan satu kesimpulan yang mengajak umat Islam kepada perkara yang baru.

Untuk lebih jelas lagi, apa kaitan memperbaiki diri sendiri dengan mengeluarkan satu kesimpulan? Saya bukan ingin mempersoalkan rajih atau tidak sesuatu kesimpulan itu. Tetapi apabila kita kembali kepada asalnya, kesimpulan sebegini tidak perlu digenggam erat- erat. Kenapa? Kerana ada perkara yang lebih penting yang patut diambil berat daripada berpegang kepada perkara yang baru. Apakah perkara itu? Asas- asas Islam.

Sahabat- sahabat, apakah sebenarnya yang Nabi S.A.W inginkan? Nabi inginkan umatnya dapat bersama- samanya dalam syurga. Inilah silap pada zaman ini, banyak kesimpulan baru telah dikeluarkan tetapi perkara asas yang paling penting dilupakan. Saya bukan mengatakan bahawa ulama'- ulama' harus menghentikan segala perdebatan mereka tentang sesuatu perkara yang masih kabur. Tetapi kenapa tidak kita berpegang kepada yang asas dengan teguhnya dan juga mengajak yang lain kepada perkara itu.

Lebih jelas lagi, tidak usahlah memberatkan perkara yang baru jika masih ramai lagi yang tidak solat.. Masih ramai lagi yang belum sempurna mendirikan tiang agamanya.. Masih ramai lagi yang belum kenal Islam.. Masih ramai lagi yang mengamalkan Islam pada sekian waktu dan tidak mengamalkannya pada waktu lain..

Oleh itu, marilah sama- sama kita memperbaiki asas- asas Islam dalam diri kita juga saudara- saudara Islam. Usahlah terlalu membebani fikiran dan menyibukkan diri dengan perkara yang kurang pentingnya.

Disini juga saya ingin menekankan janganlah terlalu memandang rendah kepada mereka yang bertatu atau yang mewarnakan rambut mereka. Lebih- lebih lagi jika mereka menjadi sukarelawan di masjid- masjid. Siapalah kita ingin menilai mereka sedangkan kita sendiri tidak mampu bangun dan menangis tengah malam hanya kerana umat.

Fikir- fikirkanlah.

Mengapa doa belum dikabulkan?

2009-03-18T21:29:00.003+08:00

Ibrahim Bin Adham menjawab, "hatimu telah mati dari sepuluh perkara.

Yakni, pertama, engkau mengenali Allah, tetapi tidak menunaikan hak-Nya.

Kedua, engkau membaca kitab Allah, tetapi tidak mahu mempraktikkan isinya.

Ketiga, engkau mengaku bermusuhan dengan iblis, tetapi mengikuti tuntutannya.

Keempat, engkau mengaku cinta Rasul, tetapi meninggalkan tingkah laku dan sunnah beliau.

Kelima, engkau mengaku senang syurga, tetapi tidak berbuat menuju kepadanya.

Keenam, engkau mengaku takut neraka, tetapi tidak mengakhiri perbuatan dosa.

Ketujuh, engkau mengaku kematian itu haq, tetapi tidak mempersiapkan diri untuk menghadapinya.

Kelapan, engkau asyik meneliti aib- aib orang lain, tetapi melupakan aib- aib dirimu sendiri.

Kesembilan, engkau makan rezeki Allah, tetapi tidak bersyukur pada-Nya.

Kesepuluh, engkau menguburkan orang- orang, tetapi tidak mengambil pelajaran dari peristiwa itu.

Renung- renungkanlah. Peringatan untuk diri ini yang dhaif jua dirimu.

Surat lamaran.

2009-03-17T21:33:00.003+08:00

Kepada Yth…..

Calon isteri saya, calon ibu anak- anak saya, calon menantu ibu saya dan calon kakak buat adik- adik saya

Assalamu’alaikum Wr Wb

Mohon maaf kalau anda tidak berkenan. Tapi saya mohon bacalah surat ini hingga akhir. Baru kemudian silakan dibuang atau dibakar, tapi saya mohon, bacalah dulu sampai selesai. Saya yang bernama ……………… ……. menginginkan anda ……………. ……. untuk menjadi isteri saya. Saya bukan siapa- siapa. Saya hanya manusia biasa. Buat masa ini saya mempunyai pekerjaan.

Tetapi saya tidak tahu apakah kemudiannya saya akan tetap bekerja. Tapi yang pasti saya akan berusaha mendapatkan rezeki untuk mencukupi keperluan isteri dan anak- anakku kelak. Saya memang masih menyewa rumah. Dan saya tidak tahu apakah kemudiannya akan terus menyewa selamanya. Yang pasti, saya akan tetap berusaha agar isteri dan anak- anak saya tidak kepanasan dan tidak kehujanan.

Saya hanyalah manusia biasa, yang punya banyak kelemahan dan beberapa kelebihan. Saya menginginkan anda untuk mendampingi saya. Untuk menutupi kelemahan saya dan mengendalikan kelebihan saya. Saya hanya manusia biasa. Cinta saya juga biasa saja. Oleh kerana itu, saya menginginkan anda supaya membantu saya memupuk dan merawat cinta ini, agar menjadi luar biasa.

Saya tidak tahu apakah kita nanti dapat bersama- sama sampai mati. Kerana saya tidak tahu suratan jodoh saya. Yang pasti saya akan berusaha sekuat tenaga menjadi suami dan ayah yang baik. Kenapa saya memilih anda? Sampai saat ini saya tidak tahu kenapa saya memilih anda. Saya sudah sholat istikharah berkali- kali, dan saya semakin mantap memilih anda.

Yang saya tahu, saya memilih anda kerana Allah. Dan yang pasti, saya menikah untuk menyempurnakan agama saya, juga sunnah Rasulullah. Saya tidak berani menjanjikan apa- apa, saya hanya berusaha sekuat mungkin menjadi lebih baik dari sekarang ini. Saya memohon anda sholat istikharah dulu sebelum memberi jawapan pada saya. Saya beri masa minima 1 minggu, maksima 1 bulan. Semoga Allah ridho dengan jalan yang kita tempuh ini. Amin.

Wassalamu’alaikum Wr Wb

Ya, lamaran ini DITERIMA.
Seorang sahabat: Kenapa kamu memilih dia….?
Jawapan: Kerana dia manusia biasa…………….. Dia sedar bahawa dia manusia biasa. Dia masih punya Allah yang mengatur hidupnya. Yang aku tahu dia akan selalu berusaha tapi dia tidak menjanjikan apa- apa. Soalnya dia tidak tahu, apa yang akan terjadi pada kami kemudian hari.
KERANA DIA MANUSIA BIASA…

Adaptasi dari Majalah Amwal Edisi ke- 4 keluaran MPM KUIS 07/08=))

Aurat.

2009-03-14T22:18:00.005+08:00

Sudah tidak terhitung lagi berapa kali kita mendengar syarahan.. Membaca blog kawan- kawan.. Semuanya untuk kebaikan diri sendiri. Untuk kita sedar apa sebenarnya yang harus kita lakukan. Apa tugas kita sebenarnya? Adakah kita berada di landasan Al- quran dan As- sunnah? Adakah kita yakin dengan apa yang kita lakukan selama ini? Adakah kita pasti dan pasti kita akan masuk syurga???

Aku sedar. Cukup sedar. Amalan- amalan yang ku lakukan sudah tentu tidak dapat dibandingkan dengan amalan para sahabat junjungan mulia apatah lagi amalan junjungan Nabi. Kenapa kesedaran itu tidak menarik kita untuk berubah? Untuk menambahkan amalan? Tepuk dada tanya sendiri. Kenapa kita masih mahukan dunia sedangkan kita tahu akan kefanaannya? Boleh jadi kerana mengejar pangkat, harta ataupun populariti.

Ku amat bersyukur kerana di KUIS ku ditarbiyah untuk lebih menghayati dan menjiwai Islam. Untuk lebih memahami maksud Islam. Untuk merasa manisnya Islam itu. Tapi adakah remaja- remaja yang lain dapat merasai apa yang ku rasa. Aku bukanlah seorang yang tepat untuk mengatakan tentang ini. Tapi inilah realiti yang kita harus hadapi.

Ku tak dapat membendung perasaan sedih apabila seorang kawanku berubah sekelip mata. Apa sebenarnya yang telah berlaku? Di mana silapnya? Aku bukan ingin bermegah- megah, tapi aku sedang mencuba sedaya upaya untuk memperbaiki diriku. Tapi bagaimana pula dengan remaja- remaja lain? Mereka tetap sama begitu. Mereka masih kabur dengan realiti hidup ini. Aku tidak boleh menyalahkan pembelajaran di negaraku yang terlalu sekular. Ini bukan masanya untukku menuding jari menyalahkan sesiapa.

Ku mahu Islam dapat dihayati dengan lebih mendalam di negaraku khususnya di kalangan remaja. Ku sayang negaraku. Tapi aku seakan- akan berasa rimas dengan aurat yang terdedah di sana sini. Apa ertinya memakai tudung jika tudung itu jarang dan pendek lalu menampakkan batang leher dan dada? Apa ertinya memakai baju ke paras lutut tapi pada hakikatnya baju itu ketat dan menampakkan bentuk punggung? Apa ertinya memakai seluar panjang jika di bahagian bawah lutut diketatkan sehingga kelihatan anda seolah- seolah tidak memakai seluar? Sarung kaki jauh sekali.

Ku bukanlah seorang yang lebih baik dari anda semua untuk mengatakan semua ini. Tapi di hatiku terdetik untuk menegur mereka yang masih kabur dengan masalah aurat ini. Ulama' - ulama' hangat membahaskan tentang hukum pemakaian purdah sama ada purdah itu wajib ataupun sebaliknya. Tetapi rupa- rupanya ramai masih tidak sedar bahawa seluruh anggota badan wanita itu adalah aurat kecuali muka dan dua telapak tangan.

Adakah anda merasakan anda tidak glamour, tidak mengikut perkembangan fesyen dan stail terkini jika anda tidak mengikuti apa yang dipakai oleh kebanyakan remaja- remaja kita. Anda pasti terfikir bahawa rakan- rakan anda akan mengatakan bahawa anda ketinggalan. Tetapi, pernahkan anda terfikir apakah pandangan Tuhan Rabb Jalalah terhadap anda? Apakah darjat anda di sisi Allah Maha Pengasih? Fikir- fikirkanlah. Kerana perkara ini jarang sekali diambil berat oleh remaja- remaja malah mereka memperkotak- katikkannya. Lebih merbahaya lagi jika mereka merasakan bahawa mereka telah menutup aurat dengan sempurna tetapi sebenarnya mereka mengundang fitnah.

Aqulu qauli haza waastaghfirullaha li walakum.

1, 2, 3, up!

2009-02-13T20:46:00.003+08:00

Upgrade yourself. That is what people should do. What I mean by upgrade here is upgrade yourself in the aspect of amal (good deeds). As a slave we should increase our amal day by day. I'm reminding myself too. The best amal is constant in doing it(istiqamah). For example, it is better if you read the Quran everyday rather than read one Juzu' one day and don't read it for the next few days.

Allah is pleasant with his slave that is khusyu' in his Fardhu rather than doing a lot of sunat. So it is compulsary for you to achieve khusyu' stage in your prayer. Allah has given us 24 hours and we should spend some of it to pray to Allah. Ask yourself, do you spend half of 24 hours praying to Allah? Certainly, no. So is this a good sign? Obviously no. So we should be smart in dividing our time. We should divide our time for the world and the hereafter. You don't have to force yourself. Islam is the way of life. In this case, you should be able to differentiate between adat and ibadat. Adat is something you do everyday while ibadat is something you do everyday and you do it because of Allah.

So people, try to do everything because of Allah. By doing this, you can judge whether what you are doing is beneficial or not. And of course, you will get blessings from Allah and if you are fated to die that time, you die in the blessings of Allah. Allahu Akbar.

Long, long ago.

2009-02-13T19:59:00.004+08:00

Assalamu'alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.
First and foremost, I would like to apologise for the dead blog. Yeah it is D-E-A-D since I'm not blogging. So what are the reasons this TIME? Okay, the internet connection is not satisfying so I'd rather stop myself from surfing the internet. Honestly, I ALWAYS HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO DO. That's why I need a good time to surf the internet. I try to forget about the internet. But for these few days I keep thinking about the internet especially surfing the net.

Well, yeah. My friend could update, you say. Yes, she doesn't have problem with her laptop and she knows how to divide her time. Me? I know how to divide my time but not for leisure. Why? I couldn't relax when I have something on my mind. You will say that the works will never finish, why don't I relax myself? People, people, don't worry. I've got the fun and excitement whenever I'm chit chatting or joking with my friends. Even one of my friends even asked me when will I relax. I answered her " when I'm sleeping. " So, just supplicate to Allah for Me.

I've been wondering all these times I blogged, is there atleast one people that reads my blog? My motive about this whole blog is Dakwah and as you all can see I haven't pass the barrier. Dakwah is continous, but me? I just can't find a good time. I'm always busy. Do I need to elaborate whatever it is I'm busy with? There's no importance I believe. I just need someone to encourage me to do this. Okay, let's start the next chapter with a new post.=))

What time is it?

2008-11-17T23:14:00.003+08:00

Salam and love to all. This time round I'm gonna touch about something that concerns us, the students that is time. We always happen to come around the sentence that says time flies really fast. This is very true. But the thing is we keep wasting our time with something not so important or not important at all. Get it right, surfing the internet is not wasting time IF you surf the right website or you do something beneficial. Such as blogging about something that ought to have some concerns, forwarding good e-mails or just give your friend testimonial with the intention to strengthen the friendship. So the word 'wasting time' actually has a lot of definitions and it depends. In my opinion 'wasting time' is when you spend most of your time with something that ought not to have some concerns. It is not wrong to blog, chat or surf the internet if you know the time limit and you know how to use your time wisely. For me, more that 1.5 hour on the internet that not concerns studies is wasting time.

So people, what you can highlight from the previous paragraph is first, use your time wisely. Second, if you wanna do some chatting or give testimonials to your friend, renew your intention and make sure it is for the benefit for all. Last recommendation, hop on to people's blog that touch the aspect of dakwah and informational blog.

P.S: Now is the time for KUIS's students to hold on to their assignment. Time is needed for researching, revising and typing. Not to forget to remember Allah and Rasul in the middle of this good chaos.

Love is in the air.

2008-11-07T20:14:00.004+08:00

Salam to all. Well, yeah. Based on the topic surely there have been some negatives thinking. But to the lovebirds they MIGHT find this a very interesting topic. But no, personally I'm totally disagree about BGF. I'm just going into the basic before I touch about something concerning the society. So yes, I have my own reason. First, let me tell you that I DONT discriminate BGF that will possibly lead to marriage. It's what they said 'ikhtiar' in Malay. BUT I totally disagree if there are some teenagers that want to feel how it is like in the relationship. That really stinks. But let me tell you what I do understand about LOVE. And I hope what I'm gonna write about is in the line of the Islamic way.

From the mind of a 17-year-old teenager:
Love is ftrah (natural), you can't deny it. So, if one day you ever fall in love, never ever think it is a sin. As long as you don't do something sinful. Such as imagining something bad about you and the one you love. If I ever fall in love, I will just keep the feeling if it is not the time. When the time comes and you feel that you are matured enough and have a sufficient knowledge, you may wanna complete half of the religion, that is getting married. It is not sinful to tell the person that you love about what you feel. It's up to him whether he feels the same too or the other way round. The thing is that you have told him and you will not regret if something unexpected happens.

Being just friend with the opposite sex is allowed. As long as you know the limit. But to me, it's better not to socialise with the oppsite sex if there is no importance. But I didn't say that you have to be ignorant with them. Boys and girls both deserve respect from each other.

There's other better alternative:
If you fall in love with someone. Change the love for that someone to the love for Allah and Rasul. You don't have to forget that someone. When that someone comes into your mind, just think Allah and Rasul. By thinking of Allah and Rasul, you are increasing your Iman. By doing many good deeds(Amal Soleh). The point is that when the time has not come for you to fall in love, for example you are still studying, it is better if you put the love for Allah and Rasul at the highest level in your heart. When the time comes, you fill your heart with love for your husband the way Allah and Rasul told us. That is the real meaning of love. Itulah cinta hakiki.

I seek Allah's forgiveness if one day I do something the opposite of what I just said.

Mahasiswa Islam.

2008-10-16T22:30:00.004+08:00

Ketahuilah..

Sifat dan syarat bagi mahasiswa Islam ialah
Pertama: Ikhlas
Kedua: Istiqamah
Ketiga: Memelihara waktu
Keempat: Berakhlak mulia
Kelima: Tekun dan bersungguh- sungguh
Keenam: Bersyukur
Ketujuh: Inovasi
Kelapan: Menghormati guru
Kesembilan: Bermuzakarah
Kesepuluh: Mulazamah Khasyatullah

Dipetik dari 'AKAUNTABILITI sebagai MAHASISWA ISLAM'.
Oleh Zulkifli Mohamad Al- Bakri.

The unknown fate.

2008-10-16T08:11:00.003+08:00

I was tired after walking around searching for necessary items to purchase. When I reached home yesterday it was already 1:30 p.m. And a conversation happened between me and my father.

F: Let's pray.
M: Why don't you pray first. I need to rest for 5 minutes. I'll pray on my own.
F: It is time for Zohor prayer. How if you suddenly die during sleeping? What are you going to answer if you were asked in the Hereafter?(Yesterday, the time for zohor was 12:52 p.m.)
M: I'm not going to sleep. Just resting.
F: Still. How if you are fated to die that time?

Pardon me if there's anything unspecified here. I've tried my best to recall everything back. So, it did really strike me. I will never know when I'm going to die. As a slave to Allah, we must get ready anytime. We will never know when. Just do the good deeds the best we can. Do it sincerely for the One and only.

For the beautiful and strong.

2008-10-13T23:24:00.003+08:00

Dear N,

I'm very happy I got to see you at last. For the few minutes I was with you yesterday, I was actually controlling myself from shedding tears. I really miss you. Now I can feel it. And it really breaks my heart to see you in that state. But I know you are very strong. How I wish I could stay by your side.

Now I know that friendship really plays a big role in our life. I'm aware of that all this while. But now I'm more alert. I will supplicate to Allah that you will recover soon. And will continue with your good deed of memorising the Holy Quran and make use of it well. You don't have to worry about repeating a semester. It's your spirit that matters most, my dear.

Friend, I wish I could hug you. But not when you are feeling uncomfortable here and there. I'm sorry if I left quite soon. I didn't come alone, you see. But InsyaAllah, my prayer will always be for you. May you cherish your life in His love. Amin.

Uhibbuki fillah, ya ukt.

Marilah kita hayati resepi cinta Imam Ibnu Athaillah:
"Tidak ada yang dapat mengusir syahwat atau kecintaan pada kesenangan duniawi selain rasa takut kepada Allah yang menggetarkan hati, atau rasa rindu pada Allah yang membuat hati merana."
Sungguh mendalam maknanya.
Dipetik dari Dwilogi Pembangun Jiwa: Ketika Cinta Bertasbih (Episod 1).
Oleh Habiburrahman El Shirazy.

Berjaya.

2008-10-10T23:23:00.005+08:00

Jika satu hari anda merasakan tiada sesiapa yang ingin mendengar segala luahan rasa, segala tangisan kesal dan segala rintihan hati, ingatlah Allah yang Maha Penyanyang pasti akan mendengar semuanya.

Tuhan Maha Penyanyang. Satu kejayaan yang cukup menggembirakan didatangkan dengan hal sampingan yang lain yang menambahkan kegembiraan.
Tuhan Maha Pemurah. Kejayaan ini didampingi dengan 15 peratus potongan yuran.

Adakah seseorang hamba Allah mampu memberikan kegembiraan yang tidak terkira? Mungkin ada, tetapi itu sebagai asbab yang juga datangnya daripada Allah. Oleh itu bersyukurlah walaupun dengan menyebut Alhamdulillah.

Haza min fadhli rabbi yu'tiihi man yasha'. Wallahu'alam.

Edisi Khas Aidilfitri.

2008-10-05T09:53:00.008+08:00

Dimasa kita bersukaria ini alangkah indahnya kita mengingati Tuhan.

Satu kemenangan.

2008-10-01T00:33:00.004+08:00

Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Takbir bergema sejurus selepas azan Maghrib. Juga menandakan iftar yang terakhir bagi tahun ini. Sayup- sayup takbir dari masjid al- Mujahidin meninggalkan dua rasa yang berbeza. Ku yakin, bukan sahaja diriku yang merasa sedemikian. Semua insan yang berperasaan pasti akan merasa sedih bercampur gembira. Sedih akan Ramadhan yang telah meninggal pergi dan gembira serta bersyukur kerana telah dapat menyempurnakan tuntutan ibadah di bulan Ramadhan. Alhamdulillahi Rabbil 'Aalamiin.

Yang pasti ku rindu Bulan Ramadhan 2008. Inilah Ramadhan kali pertama ku sambut di luar negeri dan tanpa keluarga beberapa hari. Satu pengalaman yang sangat menyentuh hati. Berbuka dengan siswi- siswi lain di masjid ataupun pergi ke bazaar yang sungguh menguji kesabaran. Namun agak berbaloi. Ku pasti merindui aktiviti- aktiviti yang dilakukan bersama rakan- rakan serumah. Baca yaasin bersama selepas solat Subuh. Usrah selepas Zohor. Juga bertarawih di masjid. Sesuatu yang jarang dilakukan ataupun langsung tidak dilakukan pada bulan- bulan lain.

Ada juga dugaan yang datang di bulan Ramadhan yang tidak pernah ku terfikir akan terjadi pada diriku. Ku bersyukur pada Tuhan dan kawan- kawan yang telah memberikan semangat. Itulah pentingnya sahabat dalam menempuh hidup tanpa keluarga. Merekalah ibu merekalah ayah. Ku sayang mereka. Nafeesah, Afifah, Syirul dan Kak Su. Maafkan diri ini yang pernah membuat anda semua tersinggung. Barakallahu Fik.

Inilah satu keistimewaan Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Sedang hati kita gembira dan lembut, semua kemaafan yang dipohon pasti akan dimaafkan. Inilah satu lagi peluang yang Tuhan berikan sebagai rasa kasih sayang pada hambaNya. Peluang untuk mencuci dosa- dosa. Subhaanaka in kuntu minazzhalimiin. Kullu 'Aam Waantum Bikhair.

Pagi terakhir.

2008-09-30T00:22:00.004+08:00

Benar. Ku rasa baru semalam ku rasakan tarawih pertama di tempat pengajian diploma- ku, KUIS. Baru semalam diriku, afifah, syirul dan juga kak su menyusun langkah ke masjid Al- Azhar. Ramadhan yang pada mulanya ku rasakan berlalu dengan perlahan seakan- akan tidak sabar untuk meninggalkan pergi. Ku terlepas menghitung hari. Tiba- tiba Ramadhan mengucapkan salam meminta diri.

Selepas tarawih terakhir sebentar tadi ku berfikir sejenak, adakah lagi Ramadhan buatku? Ramadhan ialah bulan 'offer'. Itu yang dikatakan ayahku. Memang benar, semua amal ibadah digandakan pahala. Rugilah sesiapa yang tidak mengambil kesempatan ini. Walauapapun, ku masih tidak percaya Syawal akan menjelma tidak lebih 24 jam lagi. Memang persiapan telah ku lakukan, tetapi semangat beraya itu belum terasa lagi. Tidak ku nafikan Aidilfitri ialah satu nikmat yang patut dihargai dan disyukuri oleh umat Islam sedunia.

Rasa rinduku pada teman- temanku semakin hari semakin membara. Paling tidak ku dapat bersua dengan mereka Syawal ini. InsyaAllah. Ku juga merindui seorang teman yang telah lama tidak ku hubungi. Ku tertanya- tanya bagaimanakah keadaannya sekarang. Namun, ku hanya mampu berdoa kepada Tuhan untuk melindunginya. Semoga dia bahagia di Syawal mulia.

The news.

2008-08-06T16:23:00.001+08:00

Salam to all. Well, I've not been updating for two months. Haha. I don't think I need to tell you guys that I don't really have much time to spend. Well, actually I do have. It's just that I sleep alot. So, everytime when I wake up I will feel regret because I should spend the time studying. I sleep more than I supposed to. And I want to stress that time flies really fast. Real fast. In fact, now I've gone the limit of playing the computer. Well, at least it's for you guys to read and know what I've been doing right now. Haha.

Okay, yesterday was Rafidah's birthday. We made a surprise for her. Bought pizzas, ice cream and all. We stayed at her house till 1 a.m. Chitchatting and playing games. Okay, I'm quite relieved right now. I've already got my lecturers' signature of agreement because I will not be coming to their class this coming Monday. What I need now is the Dean's signature. I'm going to Pahang on Saturday. My family will fetch me of course. My sister will be having her convocation. I'm very proud of her eventhough she didn't get the title of 'best student of the year'. Instead she got a title of 'the best student in the faculty of syariah and islamic jurispurudence'. I want to be like her too. I know I have to do the best. There are a few student in my class that are very good.

I'm okay with my studies. But I still need to be outspoken. I'm quite quiet in the class. There are boys, you see. But I know I have to change. And I have to do my best in everything. Plus not to be so blurred in the law class. It's Malaysian law. You couldn't blame me. But alhamdulillah I catched the fish, Madam Rahimah. Ooh, I miss everybody in Singapore. And happy advanced birthday Singapore. I've been forgetting about you all this while, dear country. And oh, what is the theme and the theme song for this year? But I promise I will wear the national colour on the day, that is this Saturday.

And fyi people, I've already signed my name for three competitions that will be held at the college. That is singing, language game and fashion show. Wish me luck. I don't really have Avril's voice. Haha. And Miss Mahanum said I'm lucky because today is the last day for registration for the competition. I just did it this morning. On Friday, most of the international students will be going to Sunway University Collge in Shah Alam. We will be joining some sports there. And nafeesah, afifah and I will be playing Tug Of War, in malay 'tarik tali'.

And On Monday, the other will be going to shangri-la hotel. The embassy wants to meet us. But I couldn't make it. My father have to rush to send me there after the convo. So I say pass. And yeah, please pray that I will do well in my taekwondo. I'm quite clumsy doing it.

Okay, till here people. I'm waiting for Ramadhan. It's a month of blessing. The sad thing is that I won't be with my family. Huhu. But I will back for Hari Raya. Oh Allah, make it all right. Amin.

P.S.: Why do you have to be so cute, zn?

My feelings.

2008-06-07T23:50:00.002+08:00

Go on. Feel with me. I'm having mixed feeling. Hold my hand. Feel with me.

I don't know. Sometimes I feel sad, sometimes I feel happy and sometimes I feel too stressed up. These feelings it never be constant, and that's what bothering me. My whole life depends on these feelings. It determines how I'm gonna react.

Oh no, I really really don't know how to say it here. I've been worrying a lot, maybe. Firstly, I've been worrying about how I'm gonna cope with this new stream. But I've been telling myself again and again that I could do this. Pray for me. Secondly, I've been missing my friends so much. So much that I could resort to crying. I don't know how are they right now. How are they dealing with their life? What is their condition? I want the answers right now. I want them to be here with me, this minute. I want to hug them. I don't want to let go.

I'm at Singapore right now. And now I know why I need to come home. I need some time to be me. I've been so engrossed with the college life that I forget who's the real me. Until I forget what actually I usually did and needed then.

I just hope I would be okay back there. All I need is to be okay and feel happy. That's the most important. I could leave all other things behind. But studies and be a good slave are also my priority.

Sitting alone in front of the computer while all the other family members are asleep makes me think. Tomorrow I'm going back there. It's real fast. And I will be back next month. God, what am I thinking?

I miss you. I love you.

Syariah & Islamic Jurisprudence

2008-06-02T14:42:00.001+08:00

I'm not home. Not yet. So you guys could have guessed that I didn't send my junior off. I myself felt sorry. I promised her. She is going to holy place. I miss her. But brush it all off. I'm going back to Singapore this weekend. Yes! Home, here I come. Well, frankly I don't have any obligation to go home. The other want to buy or bring something back to Selangor. Me? My parents just came yesterday and brought my things. But I still have something left to buy. And do something.

My current image: You just wait. I want to wear glove because of a reason. You've got to ask me personally. I'm not going to say it here. In fact, I wore it this morning before going to campus. And after thinking, I asked myself, 'could I be constant in wearing this glove?" The answer still lingers.

The first academic week for me is quite stressful. I have to adapt with different portions of Law. To add that it is in Malay Language. I admit that I'm quite weak in Malay. Moreover, all of my classmate scored either A1 or A2 in Malay Language. Only one of them scored B3. I scored B4. Back to Law, Alhamdulillah, I could cope with it now. So people, please wait for the arrival of the new generation lawyer. Haha. What a crap.

And if you are interested in The Malaysian Legal System's syllabus for this week, let me update you. We started our lesson with the introduction. And zoomed into different theories of laws. Different opinions and perceptions of lawyers. Enactments. And currently we are doing our research in Saga Pedra Branca, polygamy and the case of Fatimah Tan that wanted to get out of Islam.

The above titles are however popular and attracted the law lecturers to make these as our discussion topic.The proof: Just now three girls came to a table that I was sitting and asked about the newspaper articles that I've been reading. They asked me where did I get the articles. And it was from my law lecturer. The thing is that they also have the same articles. And they are degree student from the 5th semeter. I'm just a diploma student in the first semester. Woah. And yeah, they asked me to tell them something about the articles. They are in a opposite hardworking state. You got me?

And last Monday is the 2nd intake for this year. The new students called us 'kakak'. They don't even know that we are probably younger than them. One of them also thought we are the facis. Haha. They also give salaam to us as their seniors. Two week seniors. Haha.

Okay, people.

Yes, you can hold my hand if you want to.

Where is the manner?

2008-05-26T15:21:00.001+08:00

"I'm phobia of people scolding me." You could find this sentence on my post on 8 May.

There's no way people gonna say that this sentence is somewhat untrue. This is the truth. This is the reality that I can't hide. You want the evidence? Well, I just cried just now. About an hour ago. The expected reason: People scolded me. Well, it's not just a scolding, you know. That particular person in matter of fact shouted at me at a distance of at least 2 metres. Hey! Where is your manner? This could be the worst. And to make things worse this is the third time I faced with individual people of 0% manner. Not to count the others that don't know how to LINE UP.

Let me elaborate about this line up thing. We usually line up from back to front. Agree, people? But here, the line is from left to right. Imagine the crowd in front of the counter and we didn't know where on earth is the starting point. This matter is really annoying. But it sounds funny to me and pip. What exactly is their mind set? And to come into people apartment without even a knock. They just turned the knob and opened the door. Can you imagine that? We might as well live at the corridor. No privacy.

I'm not complaining. Eventhough you find it is. This is the culture shock than I never think of. Not in millions years. But all this involves the people. The institution? I could give grade B. But I will be glad to give A in time to come.

Today is not quite a good day. For the past few days, other people from other courses had already know they will be in group A or B. But the list of people's name from my course was not out until this afternoon. But that isn't the end of the matter. Alhamdulillah, I've been exempted from arabic language class for the first semester. Back to the list of names, the people in my course were divided into 3 groups, A,B and C. But I couldn't find my name there. That's the problem. I know I've been exempted from arabic l. class. But that doesn't mean I've been exempted from all the other 7 classes. I might as well go home. But no, attaching visa is under process, so passport's detained. But the other asked me to go intp group A. So, I've copied the time-table for group A.

I really want to go home this weekend. My dear junior is going to Umrah and I promised her to send her off. It's not that I don't care. I didn't know it will turn out to be like this. But I will pray for you and your family's safety of course. May you come back and be a better girl. Eventhough you are now a good girl.

If you ask about the other 9 friends here. We are all in happy state. And in a good friendship state. and we are trying to be the best. Hope it will be like this for the upcoming 3 years. But we still make new friends throughout the day. We live our days with jokes and gossips. Haha. The best thing is that the food here is cheap and is served in many quantity. The drinks will make someone addicted.

My mother called me last Saturday that my father wanted to come over. I said I planned to come home this coming week and told him to wait. You know, my father said that I'm still young to study overseas. But that really touched my heart, he really cares for me. When I'm talking to my mother, he wanted to talk to me also. He keeps asking me to come back. But I know he is just joking.

Lastly, congratulations to my brothers, friends or students that have done their best in their examinations. And to the rest, smile always.

I'm here baby, I'm still here.

Gratitude.

2008-05-11T16:06:00.001+08:00

Okay I'm gonna thank all my friends for giving me supports and advices. Thank you also for the wishes. Please pray for me.

Thank you:
My sisters, Bahirah, Amalina, Rabiah and Fatimah.
Ain,Aliyah,Amirah,Atikah,Hanisah,Ernie,Faz,Kak Aisyah,Kak Ida,Khadijah,Lyana,Masturah,Nadiyatain,Rafidah,Rahmah,Suhailah,Syazana,Syadin,Ummi Atiqah,Unaizah,Zahrah.
Ustazs and Ustazahs.
The parents of my students.

And to my two beloved aunties. Happy mother's day.

My father and mother had been a great parents. I simply couldn't repay their supports, motivations and love.
And oh, my sister and two brothers. Take care yo!

Friends, I love y'all. I'm gonna miss y'all. I will try not to forget you guys. Be strong. Good luck. Study smart. Be happy always. Together, we pray for each other. Keep the sweet memories and live our day with it.

The last confession.

2008-05-11T15:27:00.001+08:00

If people ask me what is my next institution. I'm not hesitate to tell that KUIS is it. I've set my mind, that's the only college. I know what I'm doing.

I keep wondering. I'm confused. This feeling, feeling of sadness, it's there. You know what? I've been eager all these years to pursue my studies in Malaysia. Even before I've even graduated! But, but, I'm not really happy about leaving Singapore.

I will miss my family so much. My yougest brother who I've been falling in love with day by day. My dearest sister, ba, mal ngn beah. God, I can't live without them, not yet.

Nowadays, when I think about leaving for Selangor, in not more than 1o secs my eyes were already brimming with tears. But alhamdulillah I'm strong now, Suhailah. Thank God that my father brainwashed me to enter a college with my friends. If not, I've probably been packing my stuff for a disaster world. A world of no friends. And I probably will be down with sickness, home sick.

Up to this day, I've been lots of counts of how many times I've been wishing to turn back the time and enjoy life in Alsagoff. I still remember a month 4 months ago when I stared at my school for quite long, and suddenly tears started to flow. I can't believe all this. I can't believe. I just wanted to shout to the whole world that I could no longer be there everyday. I just hope my love for Alsagoff will remain forever in my heart. I just hope it won't fade. Right, till here. I don't know when is going to to be my next post. God, I don't want Selangor!

It's time to migrate.

2008-05-10T00:12:00.003+08:00

Okay, it's probably not the time for story telling about my day. I'm just glad I finished altering my dress.

Tomorrow I will be sending off Nadiah and Syadee. After that I will head straight back home. To teach my brother. Basically, that isn't the main reason. I just thought of spending my time at home, for the last time. Yeah, it's really critical now. Time's running out for me to make sure all the things are in order. I also have to ask for advices from my sister, my father and my mother.

After all, I will still live up my day.

I'm Not Missing You.

2008-05-08T23:31:00.003+08:00

I'm sleepy. Just a bit. But I could still hold on. Say, for about half an hour. Haha. You bet I will still be fresh the next hour. Hmm, no really.

It's all happened so fast. I'm sitting here infront of the comp, crumpled tissue, apple smelling bubble, table lamp, MC lyric booklet, notebook.. Okay, I stop. Back again, here I'm sitting, typing with no other tuition lesson to think of. I'm free. I'm free to adapt a normal and more relaxing lifestyle. My afternoon and evening sailed smoothly with my mind in peace. Except to worry about my 4 dress that hadn't been altered yet. But no worries, I planned to finish it all tomorrow before I head to Orchard. And if you ask me, I'm going there with my sister and cousins. It will be my first time eating at Sakura. I couldn't elaborate more about this restaurant, I've never been there.

Okay, despite my good afternoon and evening, I felt very sad not more than an hour ago. I sat in the hall. Looked through the window. I could see the houses of my neighbours. Thoughts came flowing into my mind. I will not be seeing this everyday in Selangor. I will not feel the warmth in my comfortable house. I could not play with my brother. No, not anymore. It will be different. I also thought about these two person. I really miss them. I know one of them is having their exams. And the other one, I hope in good state. I guess I will be missing them too other than my family and friends.

And I dread the orientation. I hope the academic week will start faster there. I'm phobia of people scolding me. It automatically leaves some effects in me. Whether I become speechless, anger starts to take place in my heart, tears fall dowm my cheeks or I resulted in shouting my hearts out. That bad.

P.S.: I still believe that the sun will shine my life.

Talk, talk and talk.

2008-05-07T23:14:00.001+08:00

Firstly, I had to thank Allah for everything. I'm indeed very relieved. Allah knows everything. What's the best for me. Allah gave me even a better thing than what I expected. These few days, my mind have been thinking about the last day of tutoring. That is Saturday, the 10th. You see, eventhough I will depart on the 11th, I'm not really waiting for that day. Search me, I don't know why. But this doesn't bother me at all. I'm happy feeling at ease. So I won't have my heart beating fast whenever I think about this departure. Back to the tutoring, I was told this morning that tomorrow is my last day instead of Saturday. I don't know how to react. I just felt NUMB. But I was too happy. I'm tired, you see.

So today, is my last day of tutoring L. Hannah. As I walked away from her block, she waved me goodbye. Repeated it many times. I turned back occasionally. And at that moment, tears fell down my cheek. I don't why I feel so sad. It is because I felt that I've not done this tutoring job well? I just don't know. I heard my mind said that everything that meets will eventually separate. Yeah, right. So I stopped crying and be normal again. This world, it keeps turning round and round just like my feelings.

This morning, when I was tutoring L. Hakim, he advised me. You read me right. A 9 year old boy advised me. He told me to keep my passport in a safe place. Don't lose my bag. He kept saying that I'm going to the Egypt. But when I corrected him, he asked me as why I don't have my diploma at Egypt. I answered him by saying that maybe only clever people did that. I'm not boasting but he did say that I'm clever so I could go. I could tell the whole world that when I'm at his age, I didn't bother about all this. Especially about people's business. And to add that this boy is the sort of over- active, this sounds really funny. But I love him, though. He never show any sign of anger infront of me. I love you, Luqman.

This week, both my brothers are having their exams. As usual, I will be coaching my youngest brother. But this time round, I also coach my 15 year old brother. I'm too happy to do that. Why, it is because he hardly talk to me. Since I'm coaching him, I will talk to him. Hear his joke. And most importantly, I could help him score better marks. And I hope my brother will stop writing people's name anywhere.

And my current addict is listening to Mariah Carey's songs. Yeah, I bought her latest album, E=MC2 last Sunday. And by that night, I already copied the tracks into my handset. Before buying the album, I was addicted with TMB and bye bye. After buying, it was For The Record and the Migrate. I really love Migrate. Now, it is Cruise Control. Well, Carey could really do this. I love her. As in the lyric of For The Record," them other regularities they can't compete with MC". True.

Bubbles.

2008-04-29T19:35:00.003+08:00

I keep thinking about this friendship, unborn friendship. But I'm really contented to have all of my cohorts and schoolmates as my friends. I really am. Back to this unborn friendship, I'm really fighting for this friendship to happen. Even if the other party doesn't really know it at all. Okay, basically the reason is this friend of mine doesn't really know who I am. The real me. We did chat for sometime. Long ago. But that's what last year. I've done something wrong. I hope I will be forgiven. I just want to help. Both of us are interested in one same thing. Probably my friend is busy with the upcoming exams.

Yeah, I could just contact this friend through the phone and get the phone number from the bestfriend, as simple as that. But I'm not someone who interferes with people daily life eventhough I know many people did that. I want this friendship to born beautifully. Not with anger but understanding. We should respect each other. Friend, I keep thinking about you this whole day. I know I have to wait.

On the first day of holiday, that is today nothing interesting happened for me to blog about. Watching scary movie is no big deal. And yeah, today's pain is unbearable and I don't know why. Most of the time I just relaxed. I'm not complaining because that's what I want, leisure time.

Time to take my brother out for a packet of fries. Bye Bye.

Hiatus, baby.

2008-04-28T21:51:00.002+08:00

Yeah. It's been long. It's nearly 20 days after my last post. BUSY and not in the mood of blogging eventhough I have many to blog about. As I said to ima,'step by step.' I could say that I'm now at the second step. But I'm not really sure what's the last step. What I'm really sure is I will not reach the last step not until 7 years onward. On the other hand, I'm really thankful to the sister for being so understanding. Thank you, dear.

And yes, today is the last shopping-for-items day for me. I already bought everything on my list. Except for stationary. But that's not really important. I'm look forward for my 2 days holiday starting from tomorrow. Yeah, it's no big deal you guys may say. But this holiday is the last holiday for me before I depart to SELANGOR. The following days will be full of tutoring. Schedule packed. From morning until the beautiful moon shows itself. I really want to live up this 2 days fully.

Now I don't know what to talk about. Later.

A.A.

2008-04-09T23:37:00.003+08:00

I'm glad. Alhamdulillah. Maybe you are wandering what it is about. Oh, don't worry. I will tell you. But not the full version, kay? It's not the time. Not yet. Let the truth unfold. Now let's start. When I went online just now, someone was online too and still is. You know what this mean to me? It means that that someone doesn't really hate me after all. Dear A.A., I know I've been rather annoying. I'm so sorry. I know, I have no right whatsoever to change you. I respect you, as my friend. Can we be friend?I will never ever question your sexuality. Never. At least I know a bit of the real you. In fact, I'm proud of you. Now, what I really want to say to you is not to overstress yourself. You are such a genius. Why force yourself? I sympathize you. Or maybe you don't need any sympathy. Or maybe that's your passion. How I wish I could help. But to no avail. I could wait for you. Even if it takes years for me to be your good friend. I will cover all my mistakes to you with at least make you feel at ease. A.A, I'm so sorry. I don't have the courage to reveal the truth. I hope one day I will. Okay, in my checklist I have two things to complete. Both of it are about outing. Oh, yes. Another one. I should help Afiq. I will do it as soon as possible. In fact, I just asked someone about it. Need your reply. Pray for me everything will be alright. Put a smile back on my face. I believe you could. One day. I'm really waiting for 10th. The day of freedom. Another one month. Patience.

Fate.

2008-04-06T23:14:00.002+08:00

It's fate. It's foretell that today a total of 41 kids will know a teenage girl named Zunairah who they regarded as their teacher. It's all coincidence. At about a few minutes before 8 in the morning while I was not sleeping unsoundly, I heard the phone ringing. In about a few seconds, my mother was at my room's door. It's not that I expected a phone call. But a phone call in the morning is not very rare. Even if the phone call is for me, I only expected my sis, Amalina is on the other line. Because we talked a few days ago about going out together on this very day. But still, nothing was planned until this very day. Last night, my battery went flat. I only could reply her text message on my outing yesterday when the clock nearly strike 12. I believe she would have been sleeping that time. I replied that hour in case I forget to reply that message and leave her question unanswered. The other reason is because I was too tired yesterday. I was out the whole day. Nearly 12 hours. So I thought of spending my time at home today or at most went to Geylang to buy jubah. Back to the phone call it was Sis Aisyah. I asked my umaimah that instant which Aisyah. She indicated that it's the usual Kak Aisyah who I could say we are quite close. I forgot that my umaimah only know this Aisyah not the other one. Sis Aisyah asked me to relieve the absent teacher. I guess I have no excuse because it's Sunday the holiDAY, you see. I pity her too. So when I reached there, it strucked me that I have to teach a whole class of more than 15 students. It's not as if I don't know how to teach, it's just that I'm not ready to teach all these UNKNOWN students. But still, Alhamdulillah, it didn't went so smoothly. But I'm glad nothing undesired happened. So, I followed my plan to clean up my room. All inside the cupboard. I'm not boasting, but my room is always clean. I don't like to see things in a messy state. But if it were in the cupboard, I don't see it, so I don't find it disturbing. And I know all the things in the cupboard will not be in a neat state for too long. So, why bother to keep it in place?
I feel a bit sad. I don't know why. And I don't have mood to do anything other than staring at spaces. I hope this condition won't be long. I'm looking forward to happy day, okay. Haiz, I stop here. Actually I targeted my time to switch of this pc 10 mins ago. Night.

Books to give-away.

2008-04-03T13:45:00.001+08:00

Well, actually I don't know what to blog about. But when I'm not blogging there are many things I thought of blogging about. I'm currently reading a malay novel. I'm gonna finish reading it by tomorrow. Nafeesah was the one who borrowed that book and she passsed it to me after reading it, of course. Tomorrow is the date due. If I'm the one who borrowed that book, I will not be in hurry to return it. I know, that's bad. I must have some consideration for the people who really need to read that book. My mindset is that one day I will definitely return it. The idea of fine does'nt really bother me. At most $ 10. Okay, okay. I will change my bad habit of not returning the borrowed books on time. TALKING ABOUT BOOK, WHEN MY FRIEND HASANAH TOLD ME THAT CHILDREN AT HER VILLAGE AT INDONESIA DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO SPEAK ENGLISH, IT REALLY TOUCHED ME. SOME OF THEM DON'T EVEN GO TO SCHOOL AT THE AGE OF 6. SO I'M NOW ASKING FOR ENGLISH BOOKS. MY FRIEND WILL BRING BACK THOSE BOOKS AND GIVE IT TO THE CHILDREN THERE. SO IF YOU OR KNOW SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO GIVE AWAY BOOKS. EMAIL ME @ NAIRAH91@HOTMAIL.COM. THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONCERN.

Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.

2008-03-31T18:55:00.003+08:00

People! The lucky star did shine on me. But even so, I don't feel really happy eventhough the phone is now mine. Maybe, day by day I would like it, of course. Or maybe I still think that it is such a waste to buy that phone. Yeah, I used my own money. Whatever it is, I bought it already and there's no other way I'm gonna let it go. I still want it. Not need it.-_- Just now, my brother looked through the phone. He said that my phone is not quite good. But he also did say that I should give him the phone. No, please. The phone is in pink colour. Surely, he doesn't want to be seen with pink phone or any other pinky stuff. I don't even know that he ever liked pink. He never buy anything pink. All is black and red. And skull and skeleton. I don't really like it. I mean, is there no other patterns or fashion that he is interested in. Last Saturday, he wore his 'Avenged sevenfold' skeleton shirt, red skinny jeans( my mother said that if there is a skinny jean with a skeleton printed on it, no doubt he will buy), and a skeleton slipper. Really, not my taste. Haha.
And in not more than an hour I will be leaving my house. Tutoring. And today is my last day of tutoring Nur Khairiyyah. I will miss her, of course. She is a hardworking student. In fact, I will miss all of my students. 16 in total. Now, I've just realised that I've been tutoring more than half a dozen student. And an hour ago, I just came home from walking my sister to Nur Khairiyyah's house. She will be taking after my job. Yesterday, is the last day of my dress-making course. And today, is the last day of tutoring one of my students. I guess I should wait till the end of April to stop tutoring. Tutoring is quite tiring, I tell you. But I quite enjoy it. And now it's been 4 months of tutoring, I'm getting tired of it. See? I'm still a student. I'm really tempted to study whenever seeing others going to school. I hope this feeling will stay in my heart when I'm in the college.
Today is the judgement day of the photo contest. What's the result? It will be a splendid to win. But I don't really, really hope. We had 2 months and 2 weeks to plan everything. But we finished all these in not more than 3 hours before the closing hours. That's us.

The last day. The upcoming day.

2008-03-30T22:40:00.004+08:00

Today is my last day attending the dress-making course. As I walk my way home, sadness struck me. You know what I've been thinking? This is the last day of the first thing I got into since last december waitings. And guess what? I decided to end this course because of the upcoming day. I repeat, the upcoming day which I have mixed feeling in. It's not because I want to. This upcoming day is not like any other normal days. This day requires a lot of preparations. That's include: Mental and physical preparations ( Which I have not even complete 20% of the preparations), sufficient of rest ( That's it, you get it? I need to rest. I need to have some leisure time so as not to feel regret when I've start my academic year. I don't know. All these things, it never end. But I could be in a boredom if I don't do anything) and the necessary things, of course. I realised that I've been buying many unnecessary things such as accessories, which is not important, not at all. I just bought a few things just now. But it was all a breeze. See? That's the benefit if you start to find the things earlier. You don't have to wait for the list of neccessary items to arrive. Even the registered letter of acceptance has not reach my doorstep. Like I said, I didn't search for the things. My sister, mother and I just walked in front of every shop. And if our eyes caught something that we actually wanted to buy, we just stepped into the shop. It was all hassle free. And I fall in love with this pink phone. My mother didn't even object it. Maybe it was because my lovely phone hasn't changed for more than 3 years. It does look quite old, but it has nothing wrong with its functions. It is good as new. But still an old one needs a replacement. But, but I still won't trade it with the old one. Even if the lucky star shine on me and the pink phone has become mine, the old one will never be replaced. Never. I think that's it. Someone has just pm me. No, someone has just reply my pm half hour ago. Night.

Round.

2008-03-26T22:57:00.002+08:00

Hmm. I don't understand. But I feel good, I'm changing. To a better person, of course. One thing, I still have this lazy powder on me, or in me. Pray for me. Today was alright. Perfect, could be. I love you, bro. I know you knew this. Keep believing. I'm wondering. I've been losing a lot of strengths easily. In straight, I get tired easily. And to get rid of this tiredness. I could swear that half hour is not enough. But I should tell myself, the truth is I still have some strengths. Maybe I just don't feel it. I hope all of this will get better. Adapting. It's been 3 years. I don't know why I live in hatred? Or maybe I know. I keep yawning. I don't know why. Again. I don't know what I want. But I still can't get a feeling of 100% happy. Do I miss something? What? Something just doesn't feel right. And it's all up to me to face it. I'm searching it. It keeps running away from me. It's the unfound. I must found it. It kept me frown all this while. Can you imagine me frowning at public places while walking with other commuters. But thankfully, I still smile. Only if I remember to. Now, now, maybe you are asking yourself. This person must have a tons of thoughts in her mind. Yes, sweetheart. You are correct, no doubt. That's what bothering me most of the time. My mind keeps thinking. It never rest. Even when I'm reading I could think about other things. That, resulted in no knowledge gained from the book. Even in sleep, it played back. Just like a recorder. Yeah, I couldn't sleep. I'm tired of the dreams. But I couldn't. God, I think I should just stop now. My headache getting stronger now. It's all thanks to excessive thinking. I need to sleep. (And have a hard time dreaming. Help me!!)